Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
landbeforegrime · 13/05/2025 04:32

Nope, yanbu. kids legs stick out because of the size of the seats. They don't need to be deliberately kicking, they just move and make contact with the seat in front because their little legs don't dangle down, but stick out. Not their fault and very hard to avoid. No one sits still on a flight, but when little kids move they make contact with the seat in front. Kids are people too. Seats are not made with their height in mind. Sat on a plane once and it was impossible for my son's feet not to touch back of chair in front. Guy turned around straight away, with an attitude of I'm not having this. I spent the flight trying to help son angle his legs so they didn't make contact with seat in front. Wish I hadn't. Next time I'd stick up for him and point out he's not kicking but the seats aren't made with children in mind and aren't adjustable so if there's an issue they can take it up with the airline. I'm not going to expect anyone to be still for a however many hour flight. It's an unreasonable request we wouldn't make of an adult. And indeed staying still is a dvt risk, aren't we encouraged to move in our seats...
The swearing, I would have complained. You are too nice.

nomas · 13/05/2025 03:59

PikaPal · 13/05/2025 01:24

Why should anyone have to police their language because you have a child? That has never made sense to me. It's their choice how they want to talk and they are legally allowed to. Not saying it's a good thing for them to do, but they are legally allowed to. And should be. Otherwise what's the cutoff, oh I didn't like what he said throw him in jail or punish him, yeah no.
Unrelated to the cursing, taking shoes off and trying to stop the kicking with ur hands are both solid options. I know, hindsight and all. Though I do think you had a good idea to swap the seats.

Wth? You’d be singing a very different tune if some random on a plane told you “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!”

Stop trying to be cool.

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 02:52

PikaPal · 13/05/2025 01:24

Why should anyone have to police their language because you have a child? That has never made sense to me. It's their choice how they want to talk and they are legally allowed to. Not saying it's a good thing for them to do, but they are legally allowed to. And should be. Otherwise what's the cutoff, oh I didn't like what he said throw him in jail or punish him, yeah no.
Unrelated to the cursing, taking shoes off and trying to stop the kicking with ur hands are both solid options. I know, hindsight and all. Though I do think you had a good idea to swap the seats.

She was swearing at them and speaking threateningly. Maybe our standards differ.

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 02:48

Tbrh · 13/05/2025 01:58

Yes

Oh, but then you must’ve disturbed so many people when everybody gave you a round of applause for your perfect parenting?

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 02:48

Disney101101 · 12/05/2025 22:04

Wow I wasn’t expecting the read the responses OP as got! How judgmental people are on this thread is insane! A 4 year old kicking a seat while fidgetting is totally normal! I would never say a word if that was my seat I would suck it up espically if the mum is telling the kid to stop! There’s too many people who moan on flights about babies crying and kids being messing about, the whole process of flying wether it’s through the airport or the actual flight alone is so stressful for adults imagen how the kids feel! I can’t see how anyone can get a 4 year old to sit like a robot and not move 🙄 but suppose these people who say these comments have the “perfect child”. My son who has asd is a nightmare on planes but I apologise if he does something wrong but I don’t let it bother me too much and if someone dare spoke to any of my children like that or even if I saw them speak to someone else’s child I would loose my shit! My only advice to OP is next time don’t worry yourself too much if someone shouts at your kid like that let them kick there chair even harder! Honestly you did a good gob keeping your cool and swapping seats so well done and ignore any snotty comments on here your child has don’t nothing wrong but be a kid!

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have expected it either, there’s always a few show offs, but mostly it would’ve been sympathy for trying to managing child on a flight with someone that abusive in front of you (given the OP was trying to manage it, of course). There’s definitely a different demographic… around here these days.

Tbrh · 13/05/2025 01:58

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Yes

mathanxiety · 13/05/2025 01:26

PikaPal · 13/05/2025 01:24

Why should anyone have to police their language because you have a child? That has never made sense to me. It's their choice how they want to talk and they are legally allowed to. Not saying it's a good thing for them to do, but they are legally allowed to. And should be. Otherwise what's the cutoff, oh I didn't like what he said throw him in jail or punish him, yeah no.
Unrelated to the cursing, taking shoes off and trying to stop the kicking with ur hands are both solid options. I know, hindsight and all. Though I do think you had a good idea to swap the seats.

Nah, you can't curse and blind on a plane. You really can't.

PikaPal · 13/05/2025 01:24

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

Why should anyone have to police their language because you have a child? That has never made sense to me. It's their choice how they want to talk and they are legally allowed to. Not saying it's a good thing for them to do, but they are legally allowed to. And should be. Otherwise what's the cutoff, oh I didn't like what he said throw him in jail or punish him, yeah no.
Unrelated to the cursing, taking shoes off and trying to stop the kicking with ur hands are both solid options. I know, hindsight and all. Though I do think you had a good idea to swap the seats.

Ilikeadrink14 · 13/05/2025 01:19

Delatron · 12/05/2025 21:44

She didn’t try any of this!

She didn’t even bother to take the shoes off, suggest crossing legs and if that failed then yes holding the legs still. No she did none of those things. Then she didn’t even have a drink to offer to appease the crying tantrum.

Surely if you hold a small child’s legs still when they want to move them, it’ll make them cry?

Ilikeadrink14 · 13/05/2025 01:11

HunnyPot · 12/05/2025 17:34

Flight attendant should have given you and your daughter the upgrade for free 😁

Why? If the child needed an upgraded seat, the parents should have paid the extra. Why should it be a free upgrade?

Blueskybird · 13/05/2025 01:03

kwetu · 13/05/2025 00:55

Can I suggest a foot sling for any future flights, they hook around table and can be height adjusted for adults & children.

These are not allowed on many airlines

kwetu · 13/05/2025 00:55

Can I suggest a foot sling for any future flights, they hook around table and can be height adjusted for adults & children.

StressedLP1 · 13/05/2025 00:53

Woman in front sounds like a fricking psycho.

Ghosttofu99 · 13/05/2025 00:45

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:34

This. Really not that difficult OP. She may be ‘just a child’ but at 4 she’s more than capable of following basic instructions. Could you not have at very least kept her still for take off and landing? For the rest of the flight she could’ve simply sat cross legged or laid down

Edited

The op laboriously described her efforts to get her 4 year old to sit still.

If a grown adult hadn’t shouted at her twice maybe she would have been easier to calm during the start of the flight. But we live in a society where grown adults don’t need to have any restraint or self control but 4 year olds do.

pinkballetslippers · 13/05/2025 00:07

She must be a giant child.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/05/2025 23:59

The language used by the woman in front was undoubted unreasonable.

But having the back of your seat kicked is incredibly annoying - there’s no relaxing and definitely no sleeping when that’s going on, as you don’t know when the next kick is coming.

I do think parents have to do everything possible to stop seat kicking and I’d expect a 4 yo to be able to understand and follow an
instruction not to do it.

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 12/05/2025 23:59

Hey OP. I sympathise with you.

it is hard to fly with little ones and getting them to behave in a enclosed space for X amount of hours.

As a traveller too I can attest that it is very annoying to have the seat kicked either accidentally or on purpose. However, no amount of kicking would warrant the barrage of abuse shouted at you and your child when you were trying your best. At that point I would have said something back to those awful people and ask the flight attendant to intervene.

Your solution to the problem was spot on.

ThreeLocusts · 12/05/2025 23:53

Interesting spread of opinions here... OP I think WIFOU was bang out of order.

Yes you could have been more organised about drink and distractions, but with some planes you feel the slightest touch to the back and a four year old will fidget.

Yelling 'last warnings' at a four year old is just not on.

Butteredradish3 · 12/05/2025 23:38

I’m sorry @FairPlayer274 but other than the swearing you are the wrong one in this situation. I can’t believe how you are trying to justify this. It’s one thing to put up with noise from other passengers, crying from children but to repeatedly have your chair knocked is extremely irritating. It’s on you as the parent to teach your child to do as she is told and be respectful of others. This sounds like it was pretty much continuous so I am not surprised she lost her temper.

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 23:25

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:15

I wish she was sitting behind me. I would’ve been understanding. It don’t matter it’s over now. I’ve taken my young YOUNG kids on a plane- sometimes they fidget. Sometimes they accidentally hit the chair in front. I’ve never had anyone be rude and I always apologise to the people around us before, after and during if the kids are up to ruckus but normally they’re golden. Your child is just being a child. Don’t like it? They can get first class. And a kid kicking a chair doesn’t warrant that sort of reaction some people here just like to argue.

If only there was a way for you to select a seat to be in front of an unruly child. Mention to the check in and cabin crew that you’d swap seats with any passengers not happy with their seat being kicked by the kid behind. Making lives easier for sure and you get to travel your journey with the fervour of discomfort.

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 23:23

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:58

I think it depends on a variety of circumstances.
I teach 4/5 year olds and often find myself feeling like I’ve spoken parceltongue!
I do think the OP did try and I feel as though some people forget what it’s like to be that parent from their ivory tower.
my son is ADHD and I’m often clambering out of places red faced because of the faces or verbal responses people give to his struggles. Quite frankly, regardless of whether the four year old did give the WIFOU a tricky time, they are much more capable of being able to control their reaction than a four year old!

As a person with autism, I would (and have) really struggled with a child kicking my seat and crying loudly.
You expect crying from a baby, but not a 4 year old in that sort of situation.

A bit like we are always told to keep in mind that some kids have SEN, it’s worth remembering that many adults do too. It wasn’t great for her to snap and swear as she did, but she must have felt extremely frustrated with what was going on.

I think a parent in that situation with one child really should be able to manage him a little better.

Hopefully OP will remember to pack some things to entertain him on the flight next time.

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:20

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 23:18

Of course you wouldn’t mind a kid kicking the back of your seat for 5 hours. What a martyr you are.

Im sure if I really cared I’d get first class or ask the parent if she could stop. I would certainly not snap at a child like a freak.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 23:18

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:15

I wish she was sitting behind me. I would’ve been understanding. It don’t matter it’s over now. I’ve taken my young YOUNG kids on a plane- sometimes they fidget. Sometimes they accidentally hit the chair in front. I’ve never had anyone be rude and I always apologise to the people around us before, after and during if the kids are up to ruckus but normally they’re golden. Your child is just being a child. Don’t like it? They can get first class. And a kid kicking a chair doesn’t warrant that sort of reaction some people here just like to argue.

Of course you wouldn’t mind a kid kicking the back of your seat for 5 hours. What a martyr you are.

Just1712 · 12/05/2025 23:15

My kids are well travelled and would never have been allowed to go on like your child on a plane. I told them when they were very little anyone who misbehaved on a plane got a parachute!!!
#sorted!!
I remember my son asking me when a kid was kicking off if they would be leaving via the parachute 🤣🤣

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:15

I wish she was sitting behind me. I would’ve been understanding. It don’t matter it’s over now. I’ve taken my young YOUNG kids on a plane- sometimes they fidget. Sometimes they accidentally hit the chair in front. I’ve never had anyone be rude and I always apologise to the people around us before, after and during if the kids are up to ruckus but normally they’re golden. Your child is just being a child. Don’t like it? They can get first class. And a kid kicking a chair doesn’t warrant that sort of reaction some people here just like to argue.