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AIBU?

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Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:25

Missanimosity · 13/05/2025 15:19

What is so funny? Allowed is correct word when you are a parent.

'allowed', as if the parent has 100% control of their children at all times...

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 16:14

SavageTomato · 13/05/2025 15:53

I must have missed the part of universal human rights where international travel is a must have for small children who won't even remember the holiday. You wanted the trip, this has nothing to do with your child needing the holiday. Butlins would be fine, but nooo, mummy needs a flight to california. So sod the other passengers, it's not really kicking and invading their space, that they paid for. The level of entitlement here is shocking.

Exactly.

This isn't for the kid. VERY few children would ever remember a holiday age 4. This is for the parent. F everyone else.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:12

SUPerSaver721 · 12/05/2025 16:53

Your daughter was the problem. How many times did she kick the seat. I've brought 2 kids on aeroplanes from babies and not once have they kicked the seat infront of them. I can't believe you never thought to take her shoes off. How would you have felt to have had a child kicking your seat the whole flight. It's annoying and if it was an early morning flight the woman probably wanted to sleep. Parent Your child better.

Edited

Lucky you. I've been luck too in this regard, but i at least acknowledge that's what it is. (my 3 also all flew from 6 weeks..)

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:09

BallerinaRadio · 12/05/2025 16:52

I was begging for your child to stop just reading that so I can only imagine how the woman in front of you felt

why was her child reading that?

SavageTomato · 13/05/2025 15:53

I must have missed the part of universal human rights where international travel is a must have for small children who won't even remember the holiday. You wanted the trip, this has nothing to do with your child needing the holiday. Butlins would be fine, but nooo, mummy needs a flight to california. So sod the other passengers, it's not really kicking and invading their space, that they paid for. The level of entitlement here is shocking.

CleanShirt · 13/05/2025 15:30

Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/05/2025 15:17

But the child only had to wait until after the plane had taken off for her drink, she should have been able to understand this not start grizzling.

But she was experiencing thirst for the first time ever!

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:27

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:50

We would all like more space flying, wouldn't we.

Fly buisness/1st class next time.

only 10 times as expensive. Totally affordable for everyone. Yay. And i'm sure the people paying 10x would be delighted to have a 3yo in their space...

foreverblowingbubbless · 13/05/2025 15:27

You need to learn how to manage your child in public situations.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:23

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:45

Yes, OP. She will still be learning self control, hence it’s your job to control her. How is that hard to grasp?

I am sure you do everything perfectly with 100% accuracy and efficiency in your 'job'.. give OP a break

Missanimosity · 13/05/2025 15:19

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:17

😂allowed

What is so funny? Allowed is correct word when you are a parent.

Missanimosity · 13/05/2025 15:18

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:34

Like I said, the edge of her seat came to her upper calves, so she couldn’t bend her knees and put her feet down. If she slid her butt forward to bend her knees, if wasn’t comfortable on her back, with the seatbelt forcing her to slouch, which made her wiggle and use her feet to counterbalance to get back up straight. Got her to sit cross legged or with her feet on the seat for short intervals, but she would get uncomfortable and forget to be still and adjust herself.

it wasn’t like she was able to freely swing her legs and just refused to stop roundhousing the seat. It wasn’t intentional.

Yes, but as you said in subsequent post, you then lied her down on you. So she should have been in that position for a few minutes until the plane was at cruising altitude and the seatbelt sign off. Then she could have removed belt and pull her bum in the right position. That means your child was unable to stop kicking seats for a few minutes until the seatbelt sign off. It seemed you made a lot of effort to distract her, with headphones, snacks, youtube when you should have been told her "you will have to wait, you will get your stuff in a few minutes, stop kicking the seat". The woman swearing was awful, I could never do that but I completely understand hiw would make her go crazy.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/05/2025 15:17

But the child only had to wait until after the plane had taken off for her drink, she should have been able to understand this not start grizzling.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:17

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:30

I hate children kicking my seat and I have never allowed my children to do it.

😂allowed

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 15:17

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 13/05/2025 14:57

That would just mean that some other unfortunate soul would have been subjected to the seat kicking.

Very true but maybe they wouldn't have been bothered by it

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:16

DontKnowHelpMe · 12/05/2025 16:38

By holding their feet (gently) to restrict movement or placing a barrier between their feet and the seat in front. Alternatively by angling them so their feet can't reach.

I hate my seat being kicked. I never allowed my children to do it to others.

is pita your go to child snack?😂

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:13

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:32

By telling them not to kick the seat?

it's definitely that simple. Thankfully my children have (luckily) always been good flyers (no magic skill on my part!) Children will be children and they (as you rightly say) are going to be everywhere in society, buses, supermarkets etc...

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 13/05/2025 14:57

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

That would just mean that some other unfortunate soul would have been subjected to the seat kicking.

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 14:47

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

I've been wondering this all along.

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

Delatron · 13/05/2025 12:41

Emonade · 13/05/2025 12:23

Have you never made a mistake like putting a drink in the wrong bag?! We can only dream or being so perfect

It’s not the drink! It’s the kicking of the seat which is easy to solve!

Maddy70 · 13/05/2025 12:35

Your child your responsibility. Kicking the seat in front of the worst thing. Bring a travel pillow to put behind her so her feet are in a better position and be better prepared with things to distract her.

Gustavo77 · 13/05/2025 12:34

She should be able to behave much better than that at 4. By 4 they're capable of understanding what needs to be done in such situations and definitely capable of not causing such a hassle before the plane has even left the gate!!
Seat kicking was never an issue for my three, they understood that someone was sitting in the seat in front and they had to sit still. To allow it and make excuses for your child is wrong and it's incredibly unfair to the people in front
You have some parenting work to do to get her to where she should be in terms of her behaviour at 4 years old.

Pinky1256 · 13/05/2025 12:32

Get bulkhead row seats, that way your kid has no one in front to kick and has more leg space. I got that for my kid in preparation for his first international flight, also lots of snacks and some toys.

Supergirl1958 · 13/05/2025 12:28

Emonade · 13/05/2025 12:23

Have you never made a mistake like putting a drink in the wrong bag?! We can only dream or being so perfect

I feel like people have overlooked what the OP did do and conveniently ignored what she did do.

Emonade · 13/05/2025 12:23

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/05/2025 11:03

I honestly didn't see much of OP managing the situation. She didn't think to take the shoes off, she didn't think that her child might need a drink so had put drinks in the overhead locker instead of having them to hand.

She said that she wished she had paid for better seats, but even though she was aware that better seats were available as WIFOU was offered the opportunity to purchase then, OP still didn't buy them. Maybe she left her purse in the overhead lockers or in the hold luggage.

WIFOU was unpleasant but OP was not making more than minimal effort to manage the situation

Have you never made a mistake like putting a drink in the wrong bag?! We can only dream or being so perfect

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