Are we over-scheduling our children's lives?

I bet none of those control freak mums would choose to do five "enjoyable hobbies of own choosing" themselves after work, would they, but they don't mind putting the kids throught the stress and being trained to be a sheep at an early age. It's just abusive.

At that age my daughter wanted to do lots of clubs so we let her. What do your kids say about the number of clubs they go to?

And what are you paying for therapy now?

It depends on the child.

My daughter was a fizzing ball of energy when she was younger. She needs to be well exercised, otherwise she just cannot concentrate or sit still.

I do sometimes worry that she does too much. She’s settled on one team sport, dance and one instrument. She runs at school and does a couple of lunchtime clubs. She still goes to swimming classes, but it’s more from habit as she’s not going to be a competitive swimmer. All these are things she has chosen herself and is excited to do. The only thing that was a must-do was learning to swim, and I’m more than happy for her to stop lessons when she wants.

That doesn’t seem that much, but the time requirement grows for each activity as the child gets bigger, such that she’s at the dance studio nearly every day, and does have multiple activities on some days. She doesn’t have a day completely off.

But she wouldn’t have it any other way. She understands that choices will need to be made when there isn’t more time to squeeze, or when homework requirements increase. So for now, why not let her fill her boots with all this activity?

At the back of my mind are two other thoughts.

1. activities outside school come with independent friendship groups. This was extremely protective when there was bullying at school
2. a lot of girls in particular stop doing sport or exercise in teenage years. Hopefully something she is doing will stick as a longer term love.

EDIT - She is late primary age now. I would add that the mushrooming of organised activity has been over the last two years as the training requirements have increased. At 7, she was still yomping around on family walks or cycles, or being wild in the back garden with friends. I miss those days.

So who takes the kids to swimming and gymnastics and the rugby matches while they have to work? Most aren't on site at school.
Having to work has nothing to do with it. In fact it's remarkable parents are able to find the time to drive their kids to all those activities when they should be working.

It's not actually equivalent though to real socializing for kids.

It's hard to know what to do, but I don't think we should just accept it.

Have you any experience of either? Doubt it. Preopinonated ignorance.

Yes, it is too much, and I think there is a lot of research pointing to that now.

Kids need time to free play, they need time to be with friends in unstructured environments, they also need time to be outside adult supervision and managing their own play and friendships.

Many of the problems we see with teens and young adults now, especially anxiety, are in part because of a lack of these necessities.

We've almost entirely eliminated the ways in which kids can get these needs met, partly through safety culture, partly through actual changes in the environment (cars,) partly by making parents feel they need to give their kids a step up with activities. I also think school becoming more crap is an element, parents feel they need to make up for that with outside activities.

I think it's too much. I think being bored is very important for children- creating your own entertainment and being free to explore your interests on your own is a real skill.

They should be playing and your work has nothing to do with it, presumably someone takes them to all those activities? Or is it all at school? In which case they could go to the after school club that's childcare and not an activity and which most schools offer and learn to develop their imagination and social skills instead of being told what to do non stop from 4 years old.
Take them to the park instead or let them occupy themselves, it's better for them and for their advancement

Isn't the only important question here whether kids enjoy the activities they do, and secondary to that whether it works for families? Beyond that, everyone's different and that's fine.

At that age I only did a couple of things outside of school. I was an only child living quite remotely and spent a lot of time bored and lonely. A couple of years later I started the violin, and in a very short time most evenings had an orchestra rehearsal or a lesson or something else musical. That was where I did my socialising, and it was wonderful.

My son's 10 and very busy with music, drama and 3 sports, but there's nothing he'd voluntarily give up just yet. (Believe me, when I have to stand on the side of a rugby pitch in the freezing cold, I do check with him that he still wants to do it!) He plays with Lego, reads lots, loves playing in the garden, and has more than enough time for screens.

It wouldn't suit him or us to do less. But I also appreciate it wouldn't suit everyone, and that's ok too!

Nursery and after-school clubs are both structured, nursery very much so.

I felt over-scheduled as a child in the 1980s. The equated to about 3 extra curricular activities during the week, plus 2 (sometimes 3) on a Saturday and 1 on a Sunday. Seems chicken feed compared to what I see some kids doing now.

I had a physical disability though and my parents were encouraged to have me doing as much physical activity as possible to try and assist with my impairment. My mum later admitted I had too much on and there was no way they would have tried to keep that up during secondary school. I definitely FELT over scheduled and remember longing on a Saturday morning, when the weather was nice, just to be able to go outside and have some unstructured play time.

Depends whether it is the children or parents wanting them to do something. If the kids are happy to do the clubs and parents are able to afford them all then good on them.
I always wanted to do dance as a child but we just couldn't afford it so I think it's great if children can do things like this.

It would be far too much for mine but kids are all different. Some of my friends admit to doing a lot of clubs because their children either can't or won't entertain themselves. Left to their own devices they follow them around whining for attention or to go on screens.

Nursery and after school clubs is mostly free play and exactly what the kids need, it's extra curricular activities that too much of is harmful. Strange you don't know the difference but have an opinion.

We both work, ds does gymnastics on a Monday, Dodgeball on Tuesday, Athletics on Wednesday, wellbeing club on Thursday (seems to be mainly art activities and yoga) swimming lessons on Friday and he's on the waiting list for beavers which will be later on Friday evening.
We do try and keep weekends free for family time, friends' issues and play dates, but that will get harder as he gets older and if he gets involved in team sport with matches.
He gets bored at standard after school club.

I also think with this generation of children you can't win as a parent , you often hear oh they're all just sat on screens, but if you have a child who isn't and is out doing activities, it's oh they're doing too much they need down time 🤦‍♂️

Just go with what's right for your child, DS is a ball of energy and he enjoys his hobbies and the friends he has through them

There are no kids near us for my DC to play out with and scheduling play dates can be like trying to arrange an audience with the King sometimes so I have always sent my DC to a lot of clubs to make friends and have other children to interact with. I have terrible guilt that they don’t have a childhood like mine with a street full of kids out playing every evening so I find other ways of getting that for them.

I’m in my 40s now, and I had clubs every day after school except Tuesday, and on a Saturday morning.

I have a memory of sitting on the carpet at school on a Tuesday afternoon and thinking, “oh it’s Tuesday, no clubs!” and being so happy/relieved.

So yes, I think we do over schedule our kid’s lives and they need downtime to play, decompress and rest.

If I had the money, my 2 would be doing more than the swimming and gymnastics once a week that they currently do.

Yes too much. Such children have little ability to play imaginatively nor do they have much creativity or problem solving skills.(waiting for someone to say how their overscheduled child is a Frida Kahlo and has won a free unstructured play olympics)
Also no ability to tolerate boredom. Are they from backgrounds in countries where learning is designed to produce robots, eliminate critical thinking, extremely high pressure with little knowledge of child development , or did the parents never do anything themselves growing up? These are the typical scenarios.
There is nothing middle class about it, mc people grew themselves doing balanced activities at a reasonable age so these will likely be working class people who grew up doing nothing, and now got decent jobs and want their kids to do all those things.

It might also relate to the fact that people are having fewer children. If you have three or four kids it’s not viable for them all to do a club every night, but I know a lot of people with only one child so they really can do everything.

Yes, I think we are and I think this is contributing to the mental health crisis in kids/young people.

Children who go to nursery and then onto before/after-school care can be completely scheduled all day, five days a week from 6 months to 18 years old. They're not getting the opportunity to develop key coping skills.

If that's the case, fantastic! But in a lot of cases (and countless threads on here seem to provide the evidence), the children default to screens.

We would find that a lot but I know other families like to do more structured activities, each to their own.
DD8 does swimming on a Wednesday, after school Judo on a Thursday (this is just 1hr at school directly after school finishes)
And 3hrs drama school on a Saturday morning.