Are we over-scheduling our children's lives?

I agree with this !

DD12 - Trampolining 3 x per week 2 hours each time (mon,thur,sat) and 2 after school clubs that she chose.

DD10 - Gymnastics 4 x per week 17 hours.

DD5 - gymnastics 2 x per week 4 hours.

So yes, we are packed, its hard work but we make it work. We have now managed to get 3 x family dinners a week where we sit at the table and no phones allowed

A sunday is always a free day and the kids use it to chill or in better weather meet their friends.

I feel like because we are so busy through the week most days we make a really big effort on family times, and the added bonuses are it keeps the kids super healthy and lowers their screen time.

We don't have community centres like that near us. The only time I've ever seen one would be on Byker Grove!

And it's not 'irrational fears' that would stop me letting my DC out. It's that no one her age is out unsupervised either. If they are they have mobiles so they aren't climbing trees or having lashings of ginger beer while frolicking in a field and plotting against smugglers, they are hunched over in groups looking at tiktok and learning all about skin care acid toners and contouring.

I don't really understand all the comments about "when is the downtime" - even my child who lives activities and does several, still gets plenty of time at home.

E g. On Saturday he does a sport 10-12, so he still has like 8 hours at home..

After school club things don’t really count if it’s your after school childcare and you’re working.

I agree with you though. I have two 7yr olds. They both do a sport on a Friday after school, and that’s it. One of them may start a weekend sport because they are getting particularly keen on it. They do weekly swimming and both have music lessons but that’s during the school day.

One of my friend’s two kids both do two clubs on week days and then both have two at the weekend which takes from 10am-2pm every Saturday and Sunday. Each to their own but to me that sounds awful and I don’t know when they get the time to just be free and easy.

I love our weekends of all deciding what we’ll do and having fun with it.

I was overscheduled as a child; piano lessons, swimming club, ballet, tap, horse riding, brownies. As a result I organised nothing for my kids unless they expressly asked to do something.

My DB was a medal winner and was training all the time, 2 mornings before school and 3 evenings. Most weekend were spent following him around the country for events. It way too exhausting for him and my DPs.

The only thing I insisted upon was learning to swim. My DM taught my eldest to swim, my youngest wouldn't be taught by someone she knew and wanted to play the whole time so we did have to get her lessons for 6m until she could swim.

My eldest decided she wanted to do brownies at 7, that lasted 10m before if was too boring. Then she wanted to try gymnastics at 9yrs, that was a Saturday morning. She enjoyed that and stayed with it for a few years but left before high school, my youngest went a bit before the interest died out.

That was it. I work FT, DH works shifts and evenings are tiring enough. I see some of DDs mates were busy at something every night and could never play out. Then High School hits and the homework levels are crazy.

Tbh it's probably why mine didn't do that at primary age. I too wasn't spending my life driving to/ fro/ waiting around while kids did stuff. They both went to brownies the guides the rest was when they were older like local church club/ ATC/ youth club and they could take and bring themselves to and fro.

They never had swimming lessons but I managed to teach them all to swim

Many children can't play outside like we used to because the roads are too congested and dangerous. If children didn't participate in structured activities, they would be stuck indoors, bored and lacking socialisation.

I've tried really hard not to. My DC definitely need and enjoy their down-time. Both now in secondary school, they only ever did extracurriculars they themselves asked to do, and stopped going as soon as they felt it wasn't for them anymore. Some things stick -choir and Drama club have been constants, but sports etc has been sporadic and definitely just for fun.

Mine does tennis, choir, piano, lacrosse in the week and one afterschool art club. Then it’s dance and swimming on the weekend. The clubs are brilliant! Better that than screens. They’re only an hour or so anyway so plenty of time for playing after.

It’s too much in my opinion. My kids were allowed one hobby plus swimming (non negotiable). I wasn’t spending my entire life driving kids around.

I resisted over scheduling despite the pressure, and I am so glad we did. I am the other side now with much older dc and can see the damage it has done to some dc around us:

Mental health problems due to no downtime, some of the dc burnt out by pre teens/teens.

Lack of connection and bonds in over-scheduled families, there isn’t the time as they hurtle from one place to another. As they hit teen years they look externally for support which isn’t ideal at all.

In some children they see being exhausted as ‘normal’, and were completely unable to have a day off/chill, teaching children how to decompress and relax is vital for good health.

They don’t develop the skills required to keep themselves entertained, or to develop creativity and expression. Self directed time to develop themselves. They continue into young adult life expecting others to schedule their life. It stunts growth and independence.

They never learn the art of balance.

Unless parents are scheduling time away from screens, but not in clubs, just enjoying time together with games, free play, nature walks and time to potter they are depriving the child of the richness that comes with quiet time, reflection, bonding and freedom.

It is paramount to well being.

Yes! Your kids aren't going to drop dead if they don't have every second of the day in a schedule where's the time to just be kids and play?

I think it depends if the child wants to do it and is enjoying it. My preschooler does 4 things which seems ridiculous, but they love all of them and want to go, all short things though 45 min long. They also have zero screen time.

When I was that age (almost 30 years ago ...wtf!?) I did brownies, Saturday school (religious) and had a tutor that came to the house to do extra Maths and English. I know that some of the girls in my class also did ballet/tap.

I do feel like children have a lot more going on in their schedules these days compared to when I was younger. However as another PP pointed out, it keeps them off the internet and I think that's so important. My own DD is only 2 so I haven't really experienced this life with older kids just yet but I also wonder how much it is to do with keeping kids competitive when it eventually comes to applying to university. I feel like I've heard of some incredible things children have done in their personal statements lately (like starting their own companies or building websites or a national something in some sport). Compared to say DH's Oxbridge application a few decades ago - he really hadn't done much other than have good grades but was apparently good enough to get in.

I think there is no right answer. It really depends what your kids are up for. I have two extroverts who do all the activities and one who needs a lot of downtime. But ultimately what you are aiming for is that they have an interest that will carry them through their teenage years. My 13 year old would spend all her time on her phone now only she has her swim club and scouts.

For a very sporty and social/extroverted kid who was full of energy, that schedule would be a dream.

For most children though, it would likely be too much.

I think while personality is a big part of it, the people I know whose kids do loads of activities and complain their kids need organised fun as they won’t play independently never actually gave them a chance to learn.

Yes, it seems like a lot of people don't realize kids need to learn to play independently. If screens are an option they often don't.

When my kids were really young I tended to take them to playgroups where they pretty much had free play the whole time.

It's harder when they are older. I used to take my daughter to a thing called "Kid's Night Out" at the community center. They had activities kids could do but basically it was socializing. My son would go to a free gym for pick up sports, which was organized but not to the degree most team sports are.

We eventually moved to a neighbourhood where kids played out. And I was very careful about allowing them to do whatever I thought they could handle, and not letting irrational fears get in the way. So by the time she was 14 my eldest and her friends would take the bus around the city to see the sights, and my son at 10 would walk to the bookshop a few blocks away.

Dd is 7 and does none of this, home from school 3.15, we take the dog out or a bike ride or go to the beach/playground. Sometimes we’ll read or watch tv or play with friends on the street. Weekends are filled with all the kids on the road playing together, on the trampolines, swimming, dog walks and so on.
I know this won’t last and she’ll get bored and will probably want clubs when older, but for now she just loves to play, I hope it lasts as long as possible

They both do btw:

Beavers/Cubs
Stagecoach (acting, singing, dancing)
Tennis
Fencing
Art
Swimming lessons

DC 6 also does coding club and chess club

DC 8 also does singing lessons and junior choir

My DC (8+6) do many extra-curriculars BUT I have put in place a few boundaries which help it feel less overwhelming:

• Whilst they technically do a club every weekday, this is generally at school 15.30-16.30 (where they would otherwise just be in ASC as we both work and couldn’t collect them so early). Therefore no more expensive then just paying for ASC and no rushing around in the car. All the clubs they do at school are their choice and we would be happy for them to attend ASC and just play if they preferred. Exceptions are beavers/cubs (a short walk from the house and they adore it) and swimming lessons (non-negotiable)
• I have refused clubs after 16.30 on a Friday as it’s family film night, chill, wine (not for DC!) snuggle on sofa
• I’ve signed them up to afternoon clubs only on Saturdays so we can have a chill morning with time for Lego, reading, colouring etc. They do winge occasionally about 3h Stagecoach on Saturday afternoons, but it’s the only precious time me and DH have to do DIY/ sort the house/ get a quick haircut/ nip to the clothes shops etc.
• No clubs at all on Sundays

I think it’s about boundaries and what works for you. It felt a lot more chaotic 6 months ago here when we had more clubs outside school mid-week and a lot of dashing around

I couldn't do this kind of schedule, never mind the kids.

My son does kick boxing and scouts because both are nice and local (and we live rurally so other things are a drive).

My daughter does brownies and a church session that's mostly running around the gardens.

My son in particular has always been good at playing. He likes to set up complicated train tracks or Lego and is frustrated if he doesn't get time for this.

My daughter likes playing in the garden and climbing trees.

But they also like playing on devices and their friends drop round and they often play together. I know there are downsides but the world my eldest has built in Minecraft is impressive and has required a lot of thought and effort.

We tried football but it was travelling hundreds of miles for four a side and it took out our whole weekend. I like to go for walks, picnics, take them swimming or in the summer we go camping. We live in a beautiful place and I want them to have time appreciating that rather than rushing from building to building.

But the main reason is I don't enjoy the ferrying about!

I think that sounds far too much for a seven year old! All my daughter and her friends wanted to do after school at that age was come home and play with their toys. I took my daughter swimming once a week, usually on Saturdays, and she started doing Kumon maths after school, at her request because she was bored with her work at school. But other than that, she came home at 3.30 and played, either with friends who came for tea, or with me.

then they get older and it just wanes and wanes 😄

Yes I’ve heard lots gets dropped during the teen years! So am happy for DC to do plenty now so they can get a decent level of fitness laid down (sports activities) and work out what they may or may not like to continue with.