To think some people are “stuck” not because of trauma, but because they’re lazy?

There is no way you can ever know for sure.
Bear that in mind when offering opinions.

I'm not participating in this one. I will only say I have 2 nephews who are wheel-chair bound (one with severly life-limiting condition) and a SiL who has survived an aneurism but could not work any more. Just stop it.

The word trauma is massively overused at the moment.

Those of us who have had PTSD know that it’s intense, very real, and not something that can be snapped out of.

That’s between a person and their therapist. Unless you or anyone else here is a psychologist, all they can offer is poorly informed opinion. Not sure why a conversation about that is necessary here.

U

True in my case tbh OP. I’m laaaazy! I genuinely could pass off my fatness as trauma but actually, if I could just get off the sofa my life would change (it’s not that bad tbh, I have a PT and rarely sit down cos of the kids but you know. Could always be doing more and I need to start looking after myself).

I think you might have misunderstood my statement. Those are examples of genuine trauma and not what I was talking about at all. I was saying that human nature being as it is, statistically there are bound to be some people who haven't experienced trauma at all, but will lie and say they have, or use something like 'my budgie died and I'm still not over it' as an excuse not to go to work.

@ThatRealPinkTraybake I'm traumatised by my laziness. Where do I fit in?

It sounds like SIL who absolutely refuses to step outside her comfort zone, and uses weaponised incompetence to get other people to do things for her.

Do you have examples?

I don’t say I suffered childhood trauma anymore. Because people were likening my dads early death to the time their mum forgetting their lunch box or similar.

So now I say I score 9 ACES and am on schizophrenia medication. People don’t want sympathy that badly that they’ll admit to that 😂

Inevitably some people will use trauma, real or fake, as an excuse, because there will always be some people that will look for the easy way out

It's not easy being beaten, raped, losing a child in horrific circumstances, your husband running off with your sister, being sexually abused by a family member, losing a full term baby......is it?

Can you give us any examples?

This

I imagine there are many people who would like to make changes, but don’t see the routes and don’t have the support.

FFS why does everything have to be either/or on this site?

OP, I do realise you said 'some', but I think you are being disingenuous. I can't think of any reason why you would start a thread ostensibly to have a 'conversation about when ‘stuck’ is trauma and when it’s just avoidance' unless you think the latter and are seeking an echo chamber in which to have your own assumptions reflected back to you.

Inevitably some people will use trauma, real or fake, as an excuse, because there will always be some people that will look for the easy way out. But there's a real problem at the moment in society with people looking at the behaviour of the few and using it as a stick with which to beat the many, and threads like this are really damaging to perceptions of those with genuine trauma.

These oversimplified binaries practically never lead to much/anything in the way of constructive conversation, but plenty of ignorance and knee-jerk prejudice. I'd be absolutely astonished if this thread was any different, or if it didn't degenerate into yet another disability/PIP-bashing thread.

Sorry to read about what some pps on this thread have been through.

Yeah right op, why use lazy. Just crack on with your pop.

Oh I didn’t think that. I have childhood trauma and I’m not disabled. Perhaps I’m being naive.

a few things can be true op yes that will be true for some not for others. And some will be la y but some will be you know err traumatised and that limits their whole outlook on life.

it’s almost like trauma is different for different people abs how they react to it is different. Who knew op (well you op if you’d an ounce of emotional intelligence).

surely it depends on individual situations. A relatively minor thing may have come on the back of 3 bloody awful things in a very short period of time only you're not necessarily aware of the full picture. Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve or wants to talk (relive) about the experience. The death of a parent who had cancer for 3 years and was aged 80, dying with their closest family around them is very different to literally having your dementia ridden 80 year old mum walk out the house, take 4 days to be found and when she is found, she's clearly experienced a terrible, drawn out death all alone.

It's easier to be resilient if you have a supportive network, money in the bank and no worries about where the next meal is coming from. Harder if your house is damp, you can't afford to put the heating on and you're worrying about how you're doing to feed your children, let alone the abuse you suffered for years at the hands of an ex who has just made contact after getting out of prison for beating you to within an inch of your life.

Context is everything. Stop pretending that you know everything about everything and everyone. Some people's lives are far harder than you understand from the surface level relationship you have with them.

It's hard to distinguish especially when no help is available on the NHS. So self-diagnosis has spread.

i was in an accident. My foot was mangled and I had to have operations and a lot of physio. I use a wheelchair now because I can’t walk far.

i won’t drive down the road the accident happened on.

i’m not sure how that makes me lazy.

No shit Sherlock. How vast is this topic though. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re dealing with dysfunctional ways until you’re a bit older. For example I had the shit beaten out of me by my parents and was sexually abused by an uncl. Didn’t realise that’s why I was a bit quirky until I got into my 40s. Sorry.