Paying to attend Baby Shower?

Yep, I have to say I’m in this camp. My kids are teens and tweens now, and baby showers just weren’t really a thing when I had them.

what I don’t understand is, if you buy a gift for the shower, do you then buy another once the baby is born? Is that the deal?

if people want to get together and go for a nice meal or whatever that’s fair enough, but I think baby showers with colour themes, and balloon arches and gift lists and all that are a bit bonkers. All seems very commercialised.
And don’t get me started on ‘gender reveal’ parties… 🤣

I’m clearly menopausal and miserable, but that’s fine by me…

If you think the other guests are going to judge you for what you but they sound as awful as the host and a whole group you're better off out of.

Another reason to ditch the baby shower bollocks and go down the traditional route of sending or showing up with a gift after the baby is born.

I've been to two recently. One was in the mum to be's home and organised by her sister. We were given cakes and nibbles and drinks, all lovely.

The second was in a restaurant and we paid for our meal. I wouldn't expect the mum to be to pay, it would be far too expensive for her.
Neither baby shower had a gift list, I think that's really cheeky. People brought gifts of clothes or things they knew the mum hadn't yet got.

The wishlist would annoy me a lot. It seems people mainly have baby showers so they don't have to buy things for their baby rather than allowing people to choose their own gifts (or not). Some of them are less a celebration of pregnancy and more a gift-giving ceremony.
I think the £10 for food is ok, it's not extortionate and you're paying for food rather than to actually attend. But that definitely should've been mentioned up front

So glad I and my peers reproduced before all this baby shower bollocks. It's utterly cringe.

Well it is rude. End of. JThe people hosting should have put on some sandwiches / sausage rolls etc. You wouldn't expect to pay to attend a child's birthday party but I suppose it is the way of the world now with everyone wanting to have big, elaborate events but they can't afford them.

Gift lists are fine if the items are within the realms of what the people she’s inviting to it’s budget.

I wouldn’t mind paying a tenner towards the cost of the event, in the spirit of it being friends throwing a party for the mum-to-be.

A gift lift with specific items on it I find quite crass though. I don’t really understand the expectation everyone else buys items for your baby - not the same as a gift to celebrate.

The overly specific list is rude, but I would expect to pay for my own food and drink if just going out for a meal. Mum to be should have said no gifts if she’s fussy. I’m fussy and said please don’t buy anything, we have everything etc.

I wouldn’t mind paying towards my food. They should have said the cost upfront though, and the gift thing is unreasonable

Everything about it tacky as fuck.

Having a baby shower in the first place
Having it in a paid for venue
Passing that cost onto invitees
Having a prescriptive gift list

Why would you want to go and support this shit? It just legitimises really poor behaviour.

Plus the gift list sounds awful anyway. Only neutral coloured muslins? So dull.

They invited you, they should pay. The gift is more than enough.

I have no issue with optional gift registries which cater to every budget. OP describes the list as ridiculous and gives the impression that guests were chased down to confirm what they had bought.

Not really surprising you have to pay - baby showers are grabby events full stop.

Can’t say how this is viewed in the UK, but making people pay to attend a baby shower would be considered tacky in the US. The cost is why baby showers often have more than one host - who, traditionally, are not supposed to be the MTB’s close family. Aunts or cousins hosting is okay, sister hosting is not.

The wishlist/registry is so you have an idea of what they actually need, and you don’t have to buy a gift from it - although if you do, it should get crossed off the main list so they don’t end up with more than they need.

I hate these things, but in your shoes I’d give the gift you’ve chosen, stay quiet on the WhatsApp and message friend separately saying something has regrettably come up, you can’t join the actual shower but you’ll visit her at a convenient time before/after the birth. Bring “told” to do things like this doesn’t work on me.

I think if it's at a tearooms I would have assumed I had to pay for the food, although I can understand it's a bit of a grey area as the family owns the tearooms.

It's really interesting that some people find the gift lists so rude. Is it not better that couples can ask for things they may really need or want? As long as all budgets are taken into account of course.

(I didn't have a list at mine so no skin in the game, just interested in the strength of some reactions!)

It's standard to pay for your food at a venue, although they should have told you the cost of that upfront.

The gift list is cheeky and entitled and that would annoy me.

I think this is the norm for baby showers. Most go for afternoon tea and guests all pay for their own.

If it was in someone’s house then it’s different but yeah of course you pay for your own food and drink in a restaurant/ cafe. What do you think should happen? The Mum to be pays for everyone?

The gift lists are very common and I think they're a great idea actually. Any shower I've been to that's had a gift registry like that has had items to suit all budgets - so everything from muslins/dummy packs up to baby carriers. So as long as it isn't all super expensive I can't see the issue there.

I think it's standard to pay for your own afternoon tea or etc tbh.

I find wishlist a bit much tbh, especially if the things on it are expensive. I just had a buffet in my parent's garden (which obviously no one paid for) and made it clear gifts weren't expected, but that if people want to get something, get practical things like nappies/clothes, etc. Not everyone can afford fancy baby clothes or whatever, but most people can afford some nappies or some baby shampoo.