Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

9 yr old told off for calling non-binary teacher Sir

537 replies

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 13:09

My friend’s son was told off by a teacher at his school for referring to them as ‘Sir’. The teacher is male but identifies as non-binary.

Their title is Mx which the children are aware of. But the little boy simply looked at an adult who is visibly male and used the term Sir.

I have seen this teacher and they are 'masculine' looking but will sometimes wear a skirt and heels.

Friend’s DS felt bad and can’t recall exactly what was said to them but said the teacher was ‘very cross’.

AIBU to think this was mishandled? Surely the child should be reminded gently of the preferred identity of this adult but should not face a telling off?

What is the non-binary version of Sir anyway?

OP posts:
RainbowZebraWarrior · 12/05/2025 19:27

Ultrarunner · 12/05/2025 15:23

Should we be more critical of gay people too?

Keep us out of it, this L and the LGB community I know are sick of deluded fetishists invading our spaces and flags and being used as part of this ridiculous ideology. Same sex attraction is NOT the same as thinking if you don a dress and a bad wig you magically become a woman.

LGB firmly and irrevocably without the T

Here, bloody here.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/05/2025 19:24

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 19:18

Oh goodness @WearyAuldWumman someone I know very well has crossed paths professionally with Pips…

Eeep!

WhereIsMyJumper · 12/05/2025 19:24

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 19:17

Can anyone show me any firm evidence that being trans or non-binary = being a fetishist? That sounds very sweeping and extreme.

Of course not all trans or non-binary are fetishists. Some of them will be.
And it’s no different to the very sweeping generalisation that we are constantly told - that all trans people are “just trying to get on with their lives”
How can anyone make either sweeping statement about an entire cohort of people is beyond me.

ClearHoldBuild · 12/05/2025 19:23

Naunet · 12/05/2025 19:01

I tell you what, why don't you see how many women you can find that talk about putting on their dads or brothers boxers for a wank when they were younger, and then come back to us?

Teenage boys don’t need much encouragement to wank over anything.
And even if a teenage boy does do that wearing his mother or sister’s knickers or is looking at the underwear pages of a catalogue that doesn’t turn him into a sexual predator or make him want to wear women’s clothes or make him attracted to children.

Nothankyov · 12/05/2025 19:20

BundleBoogie · 12/05/2025 19:17

Well that’s a candidate for the Word Salad World Championship using as many words as humanly possible to say absolutely nothing.

Can you say, hand on heart that you’ve read all that and understand now why it’s not ok for a white woman to identify as black but it IS on for a white man to identify as a woman? Something to do with racial inequality? What about sex inequality?
What happens if a white man identifies as a black woman? Is that ok?

If you scroll further along in my posts - I have explained my point of view with regards to the difference between sex/gender and race.

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 19:18

Oh goodness @WearyAuldWumman someone I know very well has crossed paths professionally with Pips…

OP posts:
BundleBoogie · 12/05/2025 19:17

Nothankyov · 12/05/2025 16:45

I couldn’t eloquently put it - so I hope you don’t mind I have posted the link- www.bostonreview.net/articles/robin-dembroff-dee-payton-breaking-analogy-between-race-and-gender/

Well that’s a candidate for the Word Salad World Championship using as many words as humanly possible to say absolutely nothing.

Can you say, hand on heart that you’ve read all that and understand now why it’s not ok for a white woman to identify as black but it IS on for a white man to identify as a woman? Something to do with racial inequality? What about sex inequality?
What happens if a white man identifies as a black woman? Is that ok?

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 19:17

Can anyone show me any firm evidence that being trans or non-binary = being a fetishist? That sounds very sweeping and extreme.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 12/05/2025 19:16

ClearHoldBuild · 12/05/2025 19:14

Ignore the rest of the post and just concentrate on Grayson Perry. @AllProperTeaIsTheft @WearyAuldWumman
The majority of people have worn clothes at some point have made them feel aroused or sexy, that doesn’t mean that they are a deviant which has been implied about this teacher.

Why would you even mention Perry?

KnittyNell · 12/05/2025 19:15

My kids would have been out of there so fast they left scorch marks.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 12/05/2025 19:14

WearyAuldWumman · 12/05/2025 18:42

Oh good grief. It's worse than I thought, then.

I'm not sure he specified girls' clothes when he said it, but definitely talked about the sexual arousal of dressing as a female. It was in an interview article with him, I think.

ClearHoldBuild · 12/05/2025 19:14

Ignore the rest of the post and just concentrate on Grayson Perry. @AllProperTeaIsTheft @WearyAuldWumman
The majority of people have worn clothes at some point have made them feel aroused or sexy, that doesn’t mean that they are a deviant which has been implied about this teacher.

FrippEnos · 12/05/2025 19:10

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 14:25

The teacher @ResisterOfTwaddleRex is highly experienced and talented in their chosen subject. They normally teach older children but will do some lessons with younger ones too. They should definitely be in teaching. I don’t want anyone yo infer that they were ‘inappropriate’. They were just overly stern if the small child came away feeling bad.

If they are as highly experienced as you say then they should know that they will get "mis-gendered" fairly often, as all teachers male and female have been since the year dot and if they can't take it they should leave teaching.

But here is another point if they are so highly experienced they should know that letting children/teens know what gets under your skin is a very bad thing for a teacher to do because those children/teens that don't like you or want to disrupt the lesson now know how to do it.

Nothankyov · 12/05/2025 19:04

Naunet · 12/05/2025 19:03

Great, I want the same for trans, despite your projection.

Sorry what do you mean by projection?

Naunet · 12/05/2025 19:03

Nothankyov · 12/05/2025 18:59

I can’t speak for anyone else other than myself. I want women rights to be protected.

Great, I want the same for trans, despite your projection.

Naunet · 12/05/2025 19:01

ClearHoldBuild · 12/05/2025 18:33

Women don’t wear trousers for sexual purposes.
What extensive research have you done to justify this comment?

Men sometimes wear skirts and heels for sexual purposes.
Women sometimes wear skirts and heels for sexual purposes. Should we ban skirts and heels for everyone?

We can’t tell what any particular man’s motivation for wearing a skirts and heels is but we can’t safely assume it is not for sexual purposes.
Same applies to women. Just because a man wears a skirt doesn’t make him a paedophile, predator or deviant. Some men just want to wear a skirt and heels. What about a skirt without heels or vice versa, is that acceptable?

Wearing anything for sexual purposes is not appropriate in a school.
Its a skirt and heels, not chaps and crotchless panties with thigh high boots.

We used to know this.
God help you if you bump into Grayson Perry.

I tell you what, why don't you see how many women you can find that talk about putting on their dads or brothers boxers for a wank when they were younger, and then come back to us?

LunaDeBallona · 12/05/2025 19:01

TealScroller · 12/05/2025 13:43

But the kids KNOW the teachers' pronouns? If they're deliberately doing it then that's disrespectful. Regardless of what your opinions are on the gender debate, it's reasonable to respect a person's right to be addressed as they wish. I really struggle to understand how people can get so angry about the way other people live their lives? I don't believe that a child or an adult should be raked over the coals for misgendering someone as it's obviously hard to distinguish sometimes and there are those in the trans community for example, who are very outspoken and militant about it, but how hard is it to be respectful and kind?
Children should be taught to be kind and accepting of those who are 'different', not taught to think they can make their own decision about who a person is and how they wish to be identified or addressed.
Also describing it as abuse and gaslighting is puerile. Transgender people have existed (visibly or not) throughout humanity since the year dot and in some cultures are accepted or even revered so it's actually not a 'new thing', I'm glad to live in a society where people are becoming more open to being themselves and getting fair treatment.

No it’s not a ‘reasonable right’ to police peoples speech and ask them to lie.
This male teacher is just that - a male. If he wants to play at being NB out of the school setting then he can do what he likes.
If he doesn’t want to be called ‘sir’ then let the kids call him by his first name then there’s no problem with ‘misgendering’ is there.
And let’s clear this up - the child DIDNT misgender him because he is a man!

Nothankyov · 12/05/2025 18:59

Naunet · 12/05/2025 18:55

Just as they won't change theirs of women who want to protect their rights?

I can’t speak for anyone else other than myself. I want women rights to be protected.

Naunet · 12/05/2025 18:55

Nothankyov · 12/05/2025 16:18

Sure of course it won’t change your opinion of them that’s clear.

Just as they won't change theirs of women who want to protect their rights?

Mischance · 12/05/2025 18:50

WearyAuldWumman · 12/05/2025 18:42

Oh good grief. It's worse than I thought, then.

Indeed - when he is out and about in this gear, everyone he meets is unwittingly complicit in his erotic pleasure whether they wish to be or not. I find that deeply unacceptable.

But that is very different from those who actively wish to take on the role of the sex opposite to their own. I presume/hope that it is not for personal erotic titillation. - especially in the case of teachers.

But those who feel themselves to be transgender do not suddenly lose their responsibility for kindness and good manners to others (especially children) nor gain the right to dictate to others how they think and speak.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/05/2025 18:42

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 12/05/2025 18:41

Not sure Grayson Perry really helps your point. He has said that it arouses him to dress in women's clothes. Or rather, little girls' clothes. Grim.

Oh good grief. It's worse than I thought, then.

Dawnb19 · 12/05/2025 18:41

I've never heard of Mx. How do you pronounce it?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 12/05/2025 18:41

ClearHoldBuild · 12/05/2025 18:33

Women don’t wear trousers for sexual purposes.
What extensive research have you done to justify this comment?

Men sometimes wear skirts and heels for sexual purposes.
Women sometimes wear skirts and heels for sexual purposes. Should we ban skirts and heels for everyone?

We can’t tell what any particular man’s motivation for wearing a skirts and heels is but we can’t safely assume it is not for sexual purposes.
Same applies to women. Just because a man wears a skirt doesn’t make him a paedophile, predator or deviant. Some men just want to wear a skirt and heels. What about a skirt without heels or vice versa, is that acceptable?

Wearing anything for sexual purposes is not appropriate in a school.
Its a skirt and heels, not chaps and crotchless panties with thigh high boots.

We used to know this.
God help you if you bump into Grayson Perry.

Not sure Grayson Perry really helps your point. He has said that it arouses him to dress in women's clothes. Or rather, little girls' clothes. Grim.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/05/2025 18:37

ClearHoldBuild · 12/05/2025 18:33

Women don’t wear trousers for sexual purposes.
What extensive research have you done to justify this comment?

Men sometimes wear skirts and heels for sexual purposes.
Women sometimes wear skirts and heels for sexual purposes. Should we ban skirts and heels for everyone?

We can’t tell what any particular man’s motivation for wearing a skirts and heels is but we can’t safely assume it is not for sexual purposes.
Same applies to women. Just because a man wears a skirt doesn’t make him a paedophile, predator or deviant. Some men just want to wear a skirt and heels. What about a skirt without heels or vice versa, is that acceptable?

Wearing anything for sexual purposes is not appropriate in a school.
Its a skirt and heels, not chaps and crotchless panties with thigh high boots.

We used to know this.
God help you if you bump into Grayson Perry.

I actually find Grayson Perry seriously creepy - purely because of his propensity for dressing up as a child.

AccountCreateUsername · 12/05/2025 18:35

Nowherecitizen · 12/05/2025 13:55

The teacher has children so I assume so.

I occasionally and mortifyingly called my teachers mum or dad. I thought all kids do that. I sometimes call my son by my brother’s name 🤷‍♂️