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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to apply for hybrid roles even though I'm nowhere near the workplace?

195 replies

Isitameproblem · 12/05/2025 10:01

Hello ladies!

Some of you might or might not remember that I was made redundant after 8 months. In the end it was mutual but that's by the by.

I live in deep west country and have always had remote jobs for the past 14 years this November. Unfortunately, it seems like most of the jobs in my field these days ( client relationship management) are hybrid. I have never really applied for hybrid roles apart from 2 times and both told me I simply lived too far away and I needed to relocate. (Bristol and Plymouth so not the other side of the country!)

I'm happy to pay my own travel/lodging expenses, but had anybody been successful to get an offer with my current situation? (Living too far away to commute but committing to travel)
TIA

OP posts:
TY78910 · 12/05/2025 13:06

Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 10:31

Should the employer be projecting their own presumptions on an employee like that? Some people are full of energy at 5am and would be quite happy to do that, and hit bedtime at 9pm. It might not be how you would live yourself, but let someone show you whether it suits them maybe?

I would agree with you that they shouldn’t project an assumption based on that, especially if OP gives a detailed plan of how they are looking to manage this.

However I do also see how an employer needs flexibility especially for client management (you may be required to meet them) and that will not always fall on the days you have planned to be in the office. So you would need to be able to come in sometimes with little notice. You would also have team building days / team meetings that may fall outside of the usual days you’re there and a lot of the time employees get funny about it. You see it on MN all the time - “I am usually in the office Monday and Tuesday and my employer wants me to come in on Monday and Thursday, I can’t afford to book a hotel twice in the week. This is so unfair”.

PurpleThistle7 · 12/05/2025 13:06

Well if they say 'remote, UK' and you are in the UK then that's not likely to be why you weren't hired the other times. The jobs where I work do not say that at all.

Didimum · 12/05/2025 13:06

SwanOfThoseThings · 12/05/2025 13:00

Of course, we all live and work in London, nowhere else exists in the UK. 😁

The highest concentration of jobs are available in major cities, as is where the OP is looking to travel to – by train – so a 25-mile distance policy in a non-comparable location is not at all relevant (and nor is it good practice regardless).

Isitameproblem · 12/05/2025 13:05

Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 13:04

Is your location on your LinkedIn?

Nope, they all just say "UK" the jobs say "remote, UK"

OP posts:
Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 13:04

Is your location on your LinkedIn?

Isitameproblem · 12/05/2025 13:03

PurpleThistle7 · 12/05/2025 12:52

Leaving aside everything about the rest of us, for you @Isitameproblem - sounds like you have a plan, and the salary expectations to support it. I'd consider putting something specific in your cover letter to note that you are aware that in person working is expected and then have some very specific plans to note in an interview if you are called in. Sounds like other institutions have more flexible options available than where I work so hard to generalise.

My CV/ application (unless asked) makes no mention of where I actually live.

Wouldn't it be worse to mention it if they actually have no clue?

OP posts:
Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 13:01

25 miles from the nearest city to me would give you quite a lot of options! Although I'd stretch it a little bit further so you caught all the people living in the next city along rather than relying on the villages to supply all your talent. 😁

SwanOfThoseThings · 12/05/2025 13:00

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:56

What a poor policy. Most well-known commuter towns to London are at least 30-40 miles from their closest mainline station.

Of course, we all live and work in London, nowhere else exists in the UK. 😁

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:57

pinkdelight · 12/05/2025 12:55

I'm thinking more of scenarios like a recruitment I was recently involved in where the final 3 applications were all good. It was a London-based job. One was in North Wales, one in the North-East, one in the home counties. Location became the deciding factor so the home counties candidate got the role and all is well. This is more akin to the OP's situation and feels more real world than the ideal that no one will consider her far-flung location a factor, which hasn't been her experience so far and may not be unless she's the outstanding applicant in other ways.

I didn't say it wasn't real-world practice. I said it was poor practice.

Resilience · 12/05/2025 12:56

I’m a manager and I work in a setting where the expectation is staff spend an average of 3 days a week in the office.

90% of people I’ve managed who live a long commute away have ended up moaning about the commute, trying to renegotiate their on-site days, arriving late or leaving early and failing to turn up for in-person meetings with a series of excuses.

Which means 10% don’t of course. These are nearly always the ones who recognise that such a long commute is unsustainable and so arrange accommodation.

I get it. I have an hour commute, which can take double the time if there are roadworks or traffic is unexpectedly heavy. But I used to work in a setting where every working day was on site, so this is still an improvement.

Generally I really support WFH but I think some people
got too used to it during Covid and failed to see it as a temporary thing. OTOH some companies have mandated a return to the office without good reason when they’d actually get more from their employees by letting them WFH or hybrid work. Each workplace should review on a meaningful set of criteria IMO and wages should to some extent reflect the inconvenience of commuting for those who have no choice but to be on site. This would be much fairer on jobs such as emergency services workers, care home staff, etc.

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:56

SwanOfThoseThings · 12/05/2025 12:50

My company has a policy as to what is a 'reasonable distance' for a commute - I think it's 25 miles away from base office.

What a poor policy. Most well-known commuter towns to London are at least 30-40 miles from their closest mainline station.

pinkdelight · 12/05/2025 12:55

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:46

And this is why 'common-sense' is a very slippery term. It uses bias to make decisions, leading to overconfidence in accuracy and creating a false consensus.

It's not common-sense that Alan gave up the job after 3 weeks and didn't come in til 10am every morning so therefore we won't be hiring Steve because the singular thing they had in common is they both lived X distance away.

Commonly it's the 'fault' of the hiring manager to not strongly make it be known and reiterate that 'X in-house working policy' or strict timekeeping is a non-negotiable.

I'm thinking more of scenarios like a recruitment I was recently involved in where the final 3 applications were all good. It was a London-based job. One was in North Wales, one in the North-East, one in the home counties. Location became the deciding factor so the home counties candidate got the role and all is well. This is more akin to the OP's situation and feels more real world than the ideal that no one will consider her far-flung location a factor, which hasn't been her experience so far and may not be unless she's the outstanding applicant in other ways.

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:52

Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 12:49

No, it isn’t! But then I didn’t raise it. I just think it’s really important to be factually correct about what is and isn’t legal in this space, given the impact it could have on someone to get it wrong.

I'm glad to hear those instances are illegal!

PurpleThistle7 · 12/05/2025 12:52

Leaving aside everything about the rest of us, for you @Isitameproblem - sounds like you have a plan, and the salary expectations to support it. I'd consider putting something specific in your cover letter to note that you are aware that in person working is expected and then have some very specific plans to note in an interview if you are called in. Sounds like other institutions have more flexible options available than where I work so hard to generalise.

SwanOfThoseThings · 12/05/2025 12:50

My company has a policy as to what is a 'reasonable distance' for a commute - I think it's 25 miles away from base office.

Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 12:49

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:36

And it's not relevant to whether it's poor practice to make assumptions on if an applicant can perform well at a job based on where they happen to live.

No, it isn’t! But then I didn’t raise it. I just think it’s really important to be factually correct about what is and isn’t legal in this space, given the impact it could have on someone to get it wrong.

Isitameproblem · 12/05/2025 12:47

RandomMess · 12/05/2025 12:46

I would just say you are looking to relocate.

Which is true, but in 4 years time!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/05/2025 12:46

I would just say you are looking to relocate.

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:46

pinkdelight · 12/05/2025 12:38

The 'pre-judgements' and 'assumptions' you talk about are just common sense to most people, probably straying into no-brainer territory. Sure there will cases where applicants living 3+ hours away have exceptional qualities that put them ahead of more local candidates, but otherwise it's not unrealistic to believe the commute could become an issue. It's easy to say if it becomes a performance issue then get rid of them, but that ignores PP's very good point that recruiting is a costly and time-consuming process (as is getting rid of someone!) and it's better to get it right first time.

And this is why 'common-sense' is a very slippery term. It uses bias to make decisions, leading to overconfidence in accuracy and creating a false consensus.

It's not common-sense that Alan gave up the job after 3 weeks and didn't come in til 10am every morning so therefore we won't be hiring Steve because the singular thing they had in common is they both lived X distance away.

Commonly it's the 'fault' of the hiring manager to not strongly make it be known and reiterate that 'X in-house working policy' or strict timekeeping is a non-negotiable.

Rosti1981 · 12/05/2025 12:46

Newhere5 · 12/05/2025 10:16

It kind of is a business of an employer.
our company once employed someone in the office who had an hours commute.
He lasted 2 weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️
And as much as I understand not everyone is like that, why would you want to risk it?

An hour?! I think in London you'd be hard pressed to find many people with less than that, given the cost of house prices more centrally.
I live in greater London (13 miles from office) and have a commute that is about 1 1/4-1/2 hour door to door and would be astounded if someone thought that was an issue. I get there for 8.45/9 so it's not any of my employer's business that I have to live in zone 5 to afford a house in which I can raise my family!

the5percentclub · 12/05/2025 12:40

I live 3 hours from my work and make the two days in office a week, at least. I'm flexible and see it as my problem, not theirs, that I am not local. It was/is our intention to move closer, but after nearly a year, and dh's job going complicated, I can't see this happening for at least another 18 months. It's expensive basically, there are not the cheap hotels I thought there would be (I average about £45 a night) and the travel is 40-50 quid return. But it was still worth it for the promotion and restart of annual rises (I was top of lower grade) and the challenge and lovely workplace. So, you could do as I did and say you intend to move, but will commute until then. I meant it, and still hope to.

pinkdelight · 12/05/2025 12:38

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:12

I'm not talking about formal workplace discrimination, I'm talking about good old fashioned discrimination about any assumptions someone has that affect how well you think they can perform a job. I didn't say an applicant has rights against this discrimination – they don't – but it's still poor practice to discriminate against people in this way.

The 'pre-judgements' and 'assumptions' you talk about are just common sense to most people, probably straying into no-brainer territory. Sure there will cases where applicants living 3+ hours away have exceptional qualities that put them ahead of more local candidates, but otherwise it's not unrealistic to believe the commute could become an issue. It's easy to say if it becomes a performance issue then get rid of them, but that ignores PP's very good point that recruiting is a costly and time-consuming process (as is getting rid of someone!) and it's better to get it right first time.

Isitameproblem · 12/05/2025 12:37

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 12/05/2025 12:31

In that case, you are clearly able to be reasonably flexible and honestly I think most employers won’t care where you live.

I don't know! Many do ask if I live within commuting distance, some ask if I'm willing to relocate.

The only two that got to offer stage, it became a red line.

OP posts:
Zebedee999 · 12/05/2025 12:37

MidnightPatrol · 12/05/2025 10:09

@Didimum i disagree actually - you don’t want to hire someone then discover they’re not actually going to be able to manage the commute because it’s 4 hours a day or similar.

Or - as OP may do, start trying to negotiate less days in the office.

Recruitment is a lot of work - you want to get the right person first time round!

Edited

I do get your point. But for a better candidate wouldn't you accept the commute is their issue?

Example: My first ever employer only employed people from a ten mile radius. At interview I said I was 20 miles away, they were very doubtful about me. I got the job and ended up being one of their star employees with all sorts of awards etc.

All other things being equal then yes get someone local, but for a better candidate I'd be happy that they manage their commute.

Didimum · 12/05/2025 12:36

Ridingthespringwave · 12/05/2025 12:33

Yes it would. But factually it is illegal.

And it's not relevant to whether it's poor practice to make assumptions on if an applicant can perform well at a job based on where they happen to live.

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