Why do men future fake?

Apparently I’m a man!

I agree with this.

I don’t think women Future Fake. Not to the extent men do.

The biological clock prevents it. Women are more likely to actively seek the men they want not wasting a man’s time. And if they cannot get the one they want, and want kids, then they settle for the one they can get.

No idea if it taught her or not

but I wouldn’t marry someone if I asked them to marry me and they refused because they wanted a big insta style wedding

then decided later when it is more in there interest to get married change their mind

This as well.

Because men seem to struggle more with being single than women do. They want somebody to provide domestic labour and sex.

And they don’t have a biological clock.

So they keep a woman as a placeholder while they continue to seek a woman they actively would want to be with for as long as the placeholder lets him dick her around.

In summary they Future Fake to keep you around. That simple really.

The only way to avoid it is to be clear with yourself on what your timelines are and be ready to walk.

Men only care about their dick. Many of them manage to maintain some kind of facade of decency but they still care about their dick more than anything else. They will lie, cheat tear their family apart for the benefit of their dick.

That’ll teach her.

I assume because they're not psychic and have no idea how they'll feel in 5 years and because their SO is constantly asking them "so where is this relationship goinggg???"

It's definitely not immature or selfish. I don't want to do either. Never have, and never will.

But, I do think it is selfish and immature to string someone along who does want those things when you know you don't, you know?

One word: convenience.

They like being in a relationship, and enjoying the perks that come with that-sex, companionship, status...etc.

I think it's fairly obvious what the man is getting out of this situation. What is unclear is what the woman is getting from it.

I think the more pertinent question is why do women stay with men who aren't giving them what they want? I get that you hear what you want to hear so when he says, "Not just yet," you're hearing, "Soon," when it should be, "Never."

I think more women would be better off if they set themselves deadlines in these kinds of situations. I'm not saying give an ultimatum, but be clear about what you want, and be prepared to leave if they're not giving it to you. None of this-oh, I'll just hang on for another year when he gets this promotion, we make this and that move...

Women don't get the luxury of hanging around for years after a man if she wants children. Biology isn't on our side. So, if kids are on the cards-it's time to think forward and make moves in line with that and not waste precious time on men who will never give you what you want.

As women isn’t the far more interesting and illuminating question, why do we not see it earlier?

Well he did and he asked her to marry him
but she said no as she wanted a big expensive wedding

and now she probably realised that marriage would be better for her he no longer wants to get married and I don’t blame him

So he didn’t want to marry her then.

Why is not wanting to get married and have children something which is selfish and immature?

There's your answer, OP.

Lots of women on Mumsnet and perhaps your friends and neighbours..based on threads here

I think this is a fair point. People have a different view of relationships and long term partnerships than perhaps was the norm or socially acceptable. I think as long as each partner is honest that together today doesn't mean together forever, that's fine. And it leaves the people who are clear marriage is forever to be with people who feel the same. But it doesn't work that way in real life because people aren't honest

Yeah they should do that. I think they have a law like that in Australia after cohabitation 2 years.

I wonder would men's behaviour change if the 'common law wife' was actually a legal thing?

That is to say, if the partner who has a man's children was entitled to half his assets, the home they share, etc. if he decided to end the relationship.

Because they can if you let them. If you don't want it to be like that, then you leave after what you consider to be long enough. Don't allow someone to string you along with empty promises, man or woman.

It boils down to his just not that into you but his content with the current motions. Like a monkey he won’t let go of that branch till he can grab another unless forced off.

It’s like men who say they are done having children with their current wife but can’t quite give a reason they won’t have a vasectomy just soon yeah soon. I’ll ring soon. Because they cant tell their wives that actually if we split I want to be able to have a wider dating pool of younger women who possibly want babies.

They just roll with the current and make excuses for not committing more till you leave or they find that women that they want to commit to, they will then be engaged/pregnant within a year.

Because a man that wants to marry you knows it fast even if he doesn’t act quite as fast but they tend to know in under a year if you are “the one” so if he always has an excuse you are not the one.

If you both jointly have reasons either you both secretly feel that or actually you have a genuine reason to wait a bit longer and have had a proper adult conversation about it rather than one sided.

Same as how people coast in jobs they don’t hate but they don’t love. Putting it just enough to not get fired.

Selfish
Entitled/ users
Fundamentally dishonest
Fundamentally misogynistic
Grossly immature

IME they do it for convenience and to continue their sex life. It’s easier to go along with things than have a honest conversation that could cause conflict and stop them getting their needs met.
I didn’t want marriage or any more kids but I did want my ex and I to move in together. We’d known each other for years so it wasn’t like we didn’t know each others foibles. I made it really clear when we got back together after a break that if he didn’t, then we shouldn’t try again so he had a clear exit opportunity. He said all the right things and did nothing about it. Shut down, repeatedly ghosted me instead of speaking to me about any concerns and I left.
I think a lot of the time it’s procrastination and a huge lack of emotional maturity. And not actually caring enough to want to talk through any issues. If he’d said he had concerns we could have worked through them, or even delayed things until he was ready, if he ever would be. But now I know it was future faking and at least I’ve saved myself years of waiting for something that would never happen.

Because many of them are full of shite.