Why do men future fake?

As i said

Yeah by the nephew sounds like a twat.

Many people want to wait to marry to have a big wedding when all can attend. To frame it as “I have what I want so screw marriage” suggests he never wanted marriage. He just wanted to use it as a tool to get what he wanted.

I would walk if I was her. Better men out there. Who value marriage for its own sake.

The research on it is only “solid” in so far as it shows correlation not causation. None of it accounts for confounding variables (such as religious observance).

I’m with the nephew on this. Imagine how he must’ve felt the first time when he suggested marriage, and she basically said that being married to him wasn’t good enough if it didn’t come with a (waste of money) wedding? Now it suits her, she’s changed her tune, but she had her chance.

Actually I think the research is pretty solid on that. What they need to do is isolate different groups of people and see if culture is a variable.

I honestly think you'll find different outcomes among non-religous, "indigenous" (my new favourite word on here) groups of Western people where living together before marriage is positively associated with longevity of the relationship.

Breaking up before marriage isn't necessarily a bad thing and could decrease divorce rates because people who do marry will be better suited to marriage.

The point about cohabiting increasing the likelihood of marital failure - this is conflating correlation and causality.

I’m with the nephew on this. Imagine how he must’ve felt the first time when he suggested marriage, and she basically said that being married to him wasn’t good enough if it didn’t come with a (waste of money) wedding? Now it suits her, she’s changed her tune, but she had her chance.

Your nephew sounds awful tbh. Imagine refusing to give the mother of your child the security of marriage, while continuing to reap the benefits of the relationship. And his excuse is that it’s her fault because she initially wanted a traditional wedding (as lots of people do)? Disgraceful.

Not at all
I’ve been married 26 years
and got married within 6 months

as far as I’m aware she didnt have 30k for a wedding but that’s what she wanted to have

he said he would rather put the money into buying a house which he did
I think that’s pretty sensible rather than spunking 30k on a party

But that’s just me

This just sounds like you don’t want to marry that person.

Lots of people want big weddings. It’s not that unusual and you seem weirdly bitter at her for wanting something fairly usual.

No idea if it taught her or not

but I wouldn’t marry someone if I asked them to marry me and they refused because they wanted a big insta style wedding

then decided later when it is more in there interest to get married change their mind

Well he did and he asked her to marry him
but she said no as she wanted a big expensive wedding

and now she probably realised that marriage would be better for her he no longer wants to get married and I don’t blame him

Yeah they should do that. I think they have a law like that in Australia after cohabitation 2 years.

A university friend wouldn’t live with a man less she was engaged with church booked. How we laughed! She said her parents were old fashioned and she didnt want to upset them. Think she was pretty smart actually. If more of us did this it would deal with the issue. Some of the old ways protected women.

Well at least they’ve had children and commitment. Preferable to wasting 7 years to see if he’s a homemaker when you can pay a cleaner if you earn ok.

Cohabiting doesn’t work and the longer you cohabit the more likely your marriage is to fail. Go in commitment and take the matter seriously. Pissing about confuses the issue so some think it makes no difference to the relationship and the other does. If you don’t cohabit at all your marriage is more likely to work.

If you’re a Catholic you do marriage instruction via the Priest my ex refused as he did not want someone telling him what to do, (or discuss anything and be accountable as it turned out). It’s a good idea to test if they’re on the same page and some men have been brought up with the morales of the gutter whilst trying to hoodwink you they’re a decent person.

For sex, a cleaner, a cook. They don’t want to lose you, but they’re also selfish immature pricks who also don’t want to grow up and get married and have children.

What's especially annoying is that they probably will end up doing so, but later in life, whereas for the lady they’ve strung along for years, it’ll be too late for her to then have children.

Why is not wanting to get married and have children something which is selfish and immature?

The data shows that women are still doing the bulk of emotional and domestic labour.

Again, WHO are the women doing this? And why? It’s not 1950!

So he did not genuinely want to marry her then,

My nephew asked his girlfriend to marry him
she said no she wanted the big 30k insta white church wedding
that her parents wouldn’t forgive her if she didn’t have a church style wedding ( not that they were paying ) and she wanted her big day
Nephews didn’t want to put his savings into a big wedding one day and wanted to buy a house

So they bought a house & had a baby

she now wants to get married and said she would do a simple registry office like what my nephew originally wanted to do

nephew said no - he’s got everything he wants so sees no need to

He wasn’t future faking her
He genuinely wanted to marry her
but no need now as he’s got what he wants