Always the last to be picked

Okay. Then it’s time to take a step back, focus on yourself and get yourself some therapy.

Sounds like your mother isn’t as well as you seem to think. You unfortunately (!!!) can’t change that.

You can however change how you react to this and what kind (if any) relationship you want to have with your mother (and family in general).

"But he's good looking" is a really nasty comment and was totally unnecessary, I agree.

But the event stuff ... you sound like someone who tends to be very woe-is-me and that you think others should pander to you. When you wanted to accept the invitation you told your brother to message cousin. FGS ask for her number and message yourself!

You don't think they were as keen on you coming as your brother - it sounds like they are closer to him and maybe he is more upbeat and fun. I'm sorry to hear you are having struggles with your mental health but people tend to want to socialise with people who are fun. (I'm an introvert with resting bitch face and I definitely don't get as many invitations as my bubbly extrovert friends.)

No free ticket, but as you pointed out you are set up for life financially (and there is probably some resentment about you being the only one to inherit from uncle).

You expected a lift - why? You have your own car and can easily afford it. Walking to the car park after an event finishes is fine, there will be loads of people heading there, it won't be isolated. I doubt she lied about having a carful - the number of people would be obvious when you arrived.

It does sound like there is a golden child/scapegoat dynamic in your family and that is totally shit. I'm also the scapegoat in mine and spent years feeling hurt and resentful but in the end you have to let it go and live your best life as you can't change other people. If you expect others to notice and make it up to you, it won't happen, sorry.

It sounds like you've had a difficult time from childhood compouned by a traumatic event. Possible clinical depression & ptsd. Please get help, the quicker you start the sooner you'll feel better.

Ring the GP today and get the ball rolling, you don't have to feel like this.

One of the bizarre thigns about depression is it doesn't care. If you are a multi millionaire these bloody thoughts circle around and around. Thinking " I'm lucky , people are worse off than me" is hopeless. Infact it can make somebody worse.

rejection sensitive dysphoria, black and white thinking with a focus only on the black and lack of capacity of understanding the other's perspective and how that might calibrate their reactions

I think it's shit to be rejected and ignored, nothing to do with dysphoria.

I guess it’s reflective of how obsessed by money people are

This really is the kind of thing only a person who has been given a free golden ticket for life would ever come out with

My view would be that if you have received an enormous inheritance you can pay for yourself for everything for the rest of your life

But you wouldn't be turning up to an event knowing nobody, you have a relative performing and other relatives in the audience.
Also, this venue is in a local city.

Honestly the way you talk about this makes it sound really intimidating when it's a local event featuring family members. The way you're presenting it you'd think you were being asked to walk down skid row.

I also think that due to your inheritance there is an attitude of your family inviting you to stuff but being very adamant in their minds that they won't be going out of their way to pay/help you. Eg "she can use some of that inheritance to get a taxi to the venue" etc etc.

You are enough, You don't need vaildation from your mother.

@SansaStark90 people are horrible to each other. It's probably no consolation bu tthe way my family treated me was quite unbelievable. It played out in wills and money. If you are a person with a shred of sensitivity family can be tough.

Can you put your ( limited) energy into positive things....friends, work, hobbies or just wandering around a local park. Try to shut down these ruminating thoughts.

I get it.

Depressed people always think they hide their depression well. Use some of the inheritance for weekly therapy.

Having not been on any form of a night out other than meals I became excited
Are you saying you've never been out in the evening before?

In your mid 30s you don't need to be having such present relationships with relatives. Brothers, cousins, even your parents: these are relatives a lot of people would just see once a year at Christmas. You don't need to be so involved with them if they make you feel bad. Is there a reason why they are so centre stage?

What do you want people to say? That you’re 100% right?

”yes, Sansa. Your mother thinks you’re ugly. Yes, your cousin didn’t truly want to invite you. Yes, your cousin won’t give you a lift because she doesn’t want you to attend the event she invited you to.”?

chat bots are excellent for that kind of echo chamber. You don’t need mumsnet for that.

your mother’s comment was quite nasty but there are quite a few context clues that make me and others believe that she potentially did not mean it (and was thoughtless instead of intentionally mean).

if your mother has form for this kind of thing? If she’s repeatedly done that? Yes, that would obviously change things.
and it might be time to take a step back and concentrate on your friendships and on therapy.

It is quite possible that there is resentment between you and your cousin.
Part of being a functioning adult is learning how to deal with that (low contact, no contact, talking it out, thicker skin etc. There are various methods). If you want to be happy, you need to work on yourself. Focusing on other people’s attitudes to you - which you cannot change - will only bring you unhappiness and despair.

If you were the only one who benefited from your uncles inheritance I’m not suprised they expect you buy your own ticket. Why can’t you?

never mind seen you don’t mind paying for it.

that said why are you so reliant on them? If they make you feel like this why haven’t you distanced yourself?

Your depression is certainly shaping your thinking but your thinking is also shaping your depression I think.

You cannot assume that everyone thinks like you, they just don’t, because we are all different.

Your mum sounds like a thoughtless cow, that’s not going to change no matter what you do or think sadly. So you have choices of whether to continue to have contact with her, and either call her out on it, laugh at her, or let it get to you, or disengage from her. Ultimately it is within your gift to decide what you do (but do that as part of therapy because your depression won’t help you make rational and balanced decisions).

So much of your posts is ‘well I would do this, so I’d expect them to do it, and the fact that they don’t is an indication of how they don’t care / don’t like me’, life isn’t like this and people aren’t like this. If they were, we would have no need of elections, different colour paint, types of car, styles of clothes. We would all be carbon copies of eachother. How dull would that be?! Everyone is different and they don’t have to live to your script, and that is why life is frustrating and hurtful and confusing but also enriching and challenging and exciting.

I think the money is the issue. Was your brother left any or just you? They probably expected you to share it out a bit even though they weren’t entitled to any. They sound resentful and honestly I would let them crack on. Surround yourself by good friends. I don’t think your feelings should be minimised. As someone with a narcissistic mother my experiences of my childhood differ from my sibling who was the golden child. Therapy did help me come to terms with it a bit.

What jumps out at me is how involved you are with your family despite them having caused you grief. You're close enough to them to be casually going to events with cousins, close enough to your parents to be walking into their house without knocking. Nothing wrong with that, I'm just saying you're 34/35 judging hy your username and many people that age would have a loving yet more distant relationship with family, particularly when abuse has been involved as you say it has.

You're massively downplaying your inheritance. While people can leave money to whoever they like, unless a relative has physically nursed you in ill health, or moved you into their home in your old age, or helped you in some kind of crazy above and beyond way, I find it really disproportionate to leave everything to one person. You were able to buy yourself an education and a house while your relatives got nothing, all in exchange for simply "visiting". I visit my aunt all the time, more than my sister as my sister has a much more demanding life. I would never expect to be left my aunts entire estate, and if I were, I'd be giving her her chunk. I'm not surprised they expected you to buy your own tickets 😅 It's reading to me like they think you've had an easy ride, and so now while they're happy to invite you along to stuff, they've got an attitude of "she can sort herself out".

Finally, I find you to be a somewhat unreliable narrator, namely due to you switching back and forth on your tattoo size.

À high bar for the night out and your expectations of others based on your replies in this thread.

Take some personal responsibility for your happiness and get therapy.