Always the last to be picked

Oh sweetheart, you are going through it, aren't you? First, you have recognised that you are down. That's a good starting point to feeling better. When we are feeling especially low, we can see everything in a negative light. Because you feel that way, I would ask how long you have been feeling this way? If it is persistent, have you spoken to your doctor? You speak well with clarity. I think you'd do very well with talking therapies.

As for the event, I do think your cousin was unkind to you.
She possibly wanted to protect you from feeling like the odd one out as she'd be with her mates.
Her reaction and comments were bound to make you uncomfortable at the least.
Try to put it behind you and make plans for the future you can look forward to doing.

Your thinking is very transactional - you visited your uncle, so he left you all his money. You took your aunt to appointments and dog "sitted", so your cousin owes you a lift. Do you ever do nice things for people just because you love them? Or just because they're nice things to do?

Dog SITTED? I hope you don't teach English? 😜

How about Monday's?

No, you're not horrid, more that you're insensitive to others' feelings . Hard to believe you actually corrected the poster.

I'm not sure this is ever a good forum for this type of question, but I just want to wish you well and hope you get the offline support you need. We cannot control how others see us, we can just do our best and focus on the opinion that matters: how we see ourselves.

Obviously growing up with the instability of a mentally ill parent has, inevitably, impacted your wellbeing. However, you are asking for validation and sympathy for your fragility whilst dismissing hers as an impediment to your childhood. Can you see the fundamental contradiction there. She did not get help (which would have improved her children’s lives) and you’re repeating the pattern.

i think you are turning your loneliness and sadness into anger towards others because you feel powerless. But this is a situation that you can change. You’re focusing on the negatives and not recognising what you’ve already achieved:-

You built a strong relationship with your uncle who clearly valued you, this in spite of a lack of support in your immediate family

You performed academically at a time when your family life was chaotic showing real strength of character and resilience

You are financially secure when many others aren’t. You shared this with your brother so you’re a decent, caring person.

Your family may well be full of dysfunction but only you can separate emotionally and build other support networks that will make you less reliant on their company.

If it’s daunting to you to talk openly with a therapist then I recommend reading around the subject of childhood trauma as it will help you understand your feelings and find ways of dealing with life when you’re overwhelmed. In particular I recommend “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk.

Start working on your self esteem slowly and understand that you may feel worse before you feel better. Owning that scary, not nice things happened to you as a child isn’t easy but ultimately it will make you feel like you have agency in your own life and aren’t at the mercy of others’ feelings and actions.

No, I think the OP says that uncle was childless -- the cousins are, like the OP, his nephews/nieces.

OMG, she has explained this 3 times, RTFT!

You called it a little tattoo.in your OP, and his large.

I also think you're being overly sensitive. A tattoo, mostly beneath clothes, to cover a scar is a different thing to a big sleeve for decorative purposes. Perhaps your mother might feel differently if yours was for decoration or was in a more obvious location. Even if she said 'oh, he's good looking I don't want him ruining that', it doesn't mean she doesn't think you're unattractive. She can perhaps just see the sense in covering a scar if she knows it is affecting your quality of life.

The lift thing doesn't make sense to me at all. They clearly want you there as they've invited you. People don't usually expect transport just because they've been invited somewhere. Just get yourself to the venue and ask them to meet you in the car park so you're not going in alone. I do feel as though you're creating yourself a prison. Try to listen to what people are saying rather than filling in the gaps with negative talk.
The wedding thing is perhaps jealousy, with a bit of resentment. That's a 'them' issue.

You still haven't said why you have so much involvement with your family.

In your 30s it's totally normal to have broken away from family and just have a once a year "maintenance" visit, EXCEPT if you actually like your family and feel close to them.

You seem to live in their pocket though while actively disliking them? Don't get it

But by inviting you they were including you in the event. If I organise something for friends I wouldn't even think about getting involved in how they are going to get there - that's not my responsibility. If they didn't want you there they could have just invited your brother and he wouldn't have even mentioned it to you. They obviously are happy for you to come but, saying this in the nicest way I can, your presence doesn't make or break the event for them so they are not going to bend over backwards to enable you to make it.
This isn't a personal slight against you, its how most people organise events, because otherwise it becomes a major hassle.

You feel excluded because you "presumed" an invite = a lift but most people would never make that assumption so wouldn't be disappointed.

If people are leaving you out it might be because you seem to make a mountain out of a molehill. Getting nails, lashes and full face of make up done is a lot for what sounds like some sort of music thing where most people will just rock up in jeans and t shirt. If you cancelled all that you could spend it on a taxi if you're that worried about driving to the venue.

Same with your mums comment. Yes it sounds nasty but dwelling on it for 3 months is not healthy or normal.

So in answer to your q i think you are being over sensitive, but that's very very normal when you're struggling with your mental health, so it's not a criticism of you as a person.

I find it odd that you are too upset to write their instead of there, but you are not too upset to be snide about someone else writing your for you're. Is that not a double standard? And you describe yourself as funny and caring/thoughtful, but replies are mostly mean and aggressive.

Re you letting yourself into your mum's house and eavesdropping on her phone conversation, this is quite odd behaviour. I would expect an adult child to behave more maturely than this.

This OP. It doesn't actually matter how we judge what was done and said, if you feel its hurting you and making your life worse then step away. You can't control how other people behave, but you CAN control how you react to it.

Awful thing to have said to you about your brother being the good looking one. He's the golden child and it won't ever change. Sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. Keeping your distance will help your self esteem.

you are asking for advice about your family relations and I am offering my thoughts , personally I think the money is a big deal. The fact that you don’t is interesting , I appreciate you cared for him and he recognised that in his will , which was not expected or demanded by you which makes you a nice person , but I think if you maybe opened up a dialogue with your family on this issue you may find it’s more of a wedge in your relationships than you realise

I found out after my parents died the extent of a family fallout. And it WAS all down to “un fair” inheritance

also this is hard to hear but I would not jump at the opportunity to spend time with someone who is suicidal as it would really bring me down

your responses to this thread shows you are actively depressed . I am married to someone who is currently fighting depression and they are upbeat and cheerful most if the time but are hard to be around when in a funk,

some people have depression as a default personality setting and it clouds their outlook and all interactions. Are you actively fighting ? I genuinely wish you well and hope you can find happiness with or without your family support.

To be fair. A large back tattoo is completely different to a large arm tattoo- and I say that as someone who is extremely heavily tattooed.

Theres a reason that the majority of very heavy tattooed people leave the back until last. It’s because it’s such a large coverage piece, which means expensive, and you rarely see it. You will see a large arm tattoo all the time.

Your Mothers comment wasn’t nice but maybe she said it because she thinks he’s handsome and she thinks a large arm tattoo will impact that (stupid imo) but hardly anyone will see your back tattoo anyway?

@SansaStark90 i know you say you have had therapy, but have you tried CBT?
That really helped me move on and have healthier thought patterns.
Wishing you happiness.

again, someone “owing” you a favour doesn’t mean you get to pick the favour you get. If their car is full, their car is full. You don’t get to say “well you owe me so surely you can make Steve walk so I can come with you, even though I have my own car.”

I can see it would be hard to feel your family (especially your own mother) seem cool towards you or make cutting remarks about you. That is a bit of a toxic dynamic. Your mum argung your brother shouldnt have a tatoo because he’s good looking when she was approving of you having one. Some things just shouldnt be said by parents to their children even in jest unless they know it will be taken that way by the recipient and brushed off!

However, a really big thing that jumps out for me in the huge inheritance you have received from an uncle. It would be understandable if your cousins (presumably his own children) would feel put out and resentful towards you for this. As you didnt offer to share it with them, their resentment is a price you have to pay. The large inheritance has clearly been a huge benefit to you which you wouldnt have had to the same extent if you shared it out more widely so you made a choice there and it would be best to accept you wont be close to those cousins. You obviously feel they didnt deserve it anyway as you mentioned you were the only one who visited him. They may have a different perspective though (eg they may have visited him but not as often as you and they might have felt that you had an eye on his estate when you were frequently visiting him though that clearly isnt your view). You didnt have to share it with them though, you made your choice and I am not suggesting you should have done things differently, just that your choice has some consequences with regards to you cousins.

As others have suggested, you may have some signs of depression. Therapy to lift your spirits and see the positives in your life will likely help. Then you can condider how close you want to remain to various family members when you are in a more positive frame of mind.

I hope you can reach a point where you are happier.

I agree with others - you are seeing these two events (and no doubts others) through the lens of depression and low self -esteem. I really hope that you have spoken to your GP about medication and a therapy referral?

I think your mum isn’t fond of tattoos, but understood why you might want one to cover a scar. I think she was trying to be supportive. If you’d said you were going to get a tattoo sleeve on a perfectly unscarred arm, you’d have go the same response as your brother.

Re the concert - have you/can you offer anyone else a lift and, if not, can you simply ask to coordinate using the same car park so that you have company at the end of the concert? From experience, though, you will find masses of people heading to the carpark after the concert, so you won’t actually really be alone, though it can feel daunting. I am sure you can ask if they’d walk with you part of the way before heading to their own car. I think you need to communicate your needs…

We can chose to ruminate over past actions

Tough one that alright.

The conversation has taken a downward turn hasn't it?

@SipandClean yes ideally everyone would move on. But we only have OP’s impression that the cousins are resentful of the inheritance and that’s why they are more distant. It’s also possible the fact OP makes no effort directly with them or may behave towards them as she has to posters on here makes them keep their distance.