Always the last to be picked

I totally understand the bit about your mother not being your cheerleader. My mother has told me she hates a specific thing about my appearance and projects that onto my boss and my landlord.

To be blunt OP, you're coming across quite entitled.

You feel entitled to your relatives treating you gently because you have been going through a hard time, but that's not their responsibility to treat you with kid gloves.

You feel entitled to a lift because you are nervous about walking 15 minutes in a different city. You're an adult woman, and despite previous bad experiences, an adult woman should be able to walk 15 minutes alone.

You're now saying that they are getting free tickets but you have to buy one, which you didn't mention in your OP, but maybe the free tickets are now all taken.

You feel entitled to Mumsnet to give you validation and tell you what you want to hear rather than honest opinions on the situation, but we're not your paid therapists or sycophants.

You're obviously in a bad place and are interpreting everything in the worst possible light and comparing it against your expectations, which are too high. You're not on SM so it was easier for them to contact your brother. There's no reason they would invite you "to be polite".

Please don't add extra words to my reply,

I said ' unkind ' not really unkind '

do you really want me to reply with each example ?

'You are clearly as cold as your mother as you’ve offered little sympathy to someone who has clearly been treated poorly by her family.'

do you believe the above is ' unkind ' or really unkind ' ?

• as that was the rest of your reply to the poster whom you commented re spelling

Text and tell them that you’d still
love to come. But are wary of walking alone in a strange city late night. ask them now if they’ll walk you back to the car park? Or ask if u can pick up one of them and drive them there, so you have someone with you. Give these options to see their response

All you ever want is your mother to love you. If your mum isn’t your cheerleader, then who will be

Agree

Her mother said ‘ but he’s good looking’, there is a definite implication there that the brother is good looking and the OP is not?!?

Listen, OP, my mum isn't that keen on me either. My sister is the golden child and I'm the scapegoat, and although these days my mum's nice enough to me and (probably) behind my back, the reality is she makes almost zero effort with me or my kids.

Such is life, though. You can't change people or make them like you, and ultimately, focusing on it endlessly only hurts you and not them. The only thing you can do is focusing on living the best life you possibly can. You don't have to forgive them but for your own sake you do need to move on. I'd consider therapy - and keep trying until you find a therapist you can actually connect with, as not all therapists are actually any good. Good luck.

The tattoo issue is likely your mum knows that your scars represent a bad memory and the tattoo replacing it will become a good memory. But your brother wants something big (and probably not at all hidden) for cosmetic reasons and it is a totally different situation.

I would caution against coming onto mumsnet for advice because whilst 90% of the time you’ll get nice replies, there is still that 10% who will find a reason to be dicks. Fine on normal days, but if you are feeling suicidal or particularly down, it can be a bad place to be.

Hope you are doing ok though

This exactly. Take time away and stop looking for sympathy, it’s not what you need and isn’t going to help you.

Wow ! you pulled another poster up on spelling, but go and make two spelling errors yourself in just one of your replies.
you ask for kindness and understanding etc. on this thread yet you are unkind ( and that's me being polite ) to several posters...

@SansaStark90 I know you're hurting so I say this as kindly as possible, you're being quite nasty on this thread and that will only inspire people to be nasty back.

If you're not in a good place mentally right now, I really don't think it's a good idea to do that to yourself!

The brother can be good looking, OP mam never said she wasn't also good looking.

The mother said her brother getting a huge visible tattoo would spoil his good looks (while talking about the brother) and OP too that to mean on the flip side 'I mustn't be good looking then' but no one said that.

Its a wildly different scenario, placement and tattoo.

Suicide only hurts those left behind. The danger isn't you will physically 'harm her' but that you could harm yourself and shes the 'witness' that has to cope with that.

Do you know the sheer damage it can do, my uncle found a family member that committed suicide, spiraled from PTSD and depression, got hooked on drug and then took his own life too... he never got over it. He had been perfectly happy and fine before finding that scene.

It DOES have an effect on other people, its not just about the one person.

No one said you are ugly with a tattoo, a back tattoo (mostly hidden) and arm tattoo (often visible) are different as is the reasons and I assume the design. Also your mother doesn't like tattoos but was being supportive of you and your needs, she was being nicer to you than your brother who got the shit end of the stick of being berated about his body choice.

You also ASSUMED someone would give you a lift, even though you are capable of getting yourself there but don't want too. It seems like you jumped the gun because no one offered that at any point. You could still go but are choosing to cut your nose of instead.

You seem to be locked into a victim mentality, speak to a doctor about your depression as it usually an imbalance that can be controlled. You don't need to live feeling like this but its not anyone else's fault that you do, you cannot shift blame where there isn't any blame to begin.

Focus on your friends, build your own chosen family. As a gay man your uncle maybe also had his own chosen family - which included you.

Your biological family is shit, and you're not getting the positive feelings you understandably want and need.

Your hurt feelings are leading you to be unkind to others 😔

I came here to post this very thing.

And to compound it all, your evident circuitous thinking, anger and most probable PTSD means you need a very specific type of therapy. Which you desperately need in order to move forward with your life.

An element of mental illness can be particularly self-indulgent for want of a better word. And there is a generous helping of egocentricity in your posts as well @SansaStark90. This is not to flame you incidentally (and yes, I am qualified) but it's obvious you're in a bad place and sometimes help is essential in order to move on. Have you heard of EMDR?

If you have the funds, I'd urge you to speak to a clinical psychologist.

The comment reagading your brother being good looking was incredibly bitchy, does your mother often verbally attack you?

It doesn’t work like that. Maybe she is not as grateful about the chemo support as you think she should be. Maybe she can’t see why you don’t get a taxi to drop you off at the venue door if you’re scared. Maybe she’s uncomfortable with you because of some part of your very traumatic and awful family history.

It doesn’t work like that. Maybe she is not as grateful about the chemo support as you think she should be. Maybe she can’t see why you don’t get a taxi to drop you off at the venue door if you’re scared. Maybe she’s uncomfortable with you because of some part of your very traumatic and awful family history.

It doesn’t work like that. Maybe she is not as grateful about the chemo support as you think she should be. Maybe she can’t see why you don’t get a taxi to drop you off at the venue door if you’re scared. Maybe she’s uncomfortable with you because of some part of your very traumatic and awful family history.