Always the last to be picked

I think, SansaStark90, that you need to work out some of this stuff in therapy. I am no doctor, but having had similar experiences to you, I think that it's possible that the root of your feelings could be your attack and that you are not depressed, but suffer from complex ptsd, given your childhood experiences.

I don't know where you live, but I am aware that not every counsellor is a good match for an individual. In the UK, there is a tendency to send everyone for CBT counselling on the NHS, if they cannot afford to go privately and can wait long enough to be seen. But, I know from personal experience that CBT does not work for everyone and that an individual approach from a compatible counsellor works better.

Please give the therapy another go. I think that a good counsellor for you could help enormously.

Somewhere out there, the cousin is writing an AIBU along the lines of:

AIBU to give up on a relationship with my cousin? Background is a little tense - she got a substantial inheritance from our uncle, which she shared with her brother but not the other nieces and nephews. She says it’s because we never visited him, but the brother didn’t either…

I looked past that and have tried to maintain a relationship, but she makes no effort and never initiates anything. I invited her to an event at the weekend, which she accepted and I was pleased about.

However, I’ve just found out that she’s now complaining about me online, because my invite apparently wasn’t effusive enough and I didn’t offer to drive her there (in my already full car!). People are being kind to her, but she’s being rude and pedantic to them too.

I feel like nothing I do is good enough for her, and that she constantly seeks to position herself as the wronged party - despite being hugely favoured by our late uncle.

As someone who's got many visible tattoos on my arms there's a huge difference between a back tattoo and arms. The back will only be seen by relatives in certain occasions Vs an arm one which will be visible anytime the person's wearing short sleeves.

Based off the other replies, your mum seems to favour your brother? If that's the case she sounds like my mother. I cut her off a few months ago and am no contact with her now. If it's been a lifetime of these petty little comments and never being good enough, you ARE an adult and able to go no contact. I understand it is scary but it's all about your mental health and what's best for you. I may be misreading what you're saying though & if I am, apologies. Just speaking from my own experiences. Take some space from them all and just focus on your MH. The best thing I ever did for my own MH was blocking my mum.

My mother did it to me for years, until I started doing it back to her, then I went low contact with her to further drive the message through to her that If she continued that I would go full no contact, if your mother isn’t going to look out for you then you need to protect yourself from her and limit your contact severely, some women think they own their offspring and therefore they can speak to them however they wish

My dm knows how to make me feel bad and is constantly criticising me. My only sibling, my younger db, died last year and obviously that hit us all hard. Just on Saturday she told me I was only saying ds was autistic because it's fashionable! Asked me if I was really divorced!! (She insists on sending me wedding anniversary cards) Also because ds will be coming home after he graduates next month I am tying him to my apron strings! Then just last week dd1's mil said how nice dm is - if only she knew.

I did not kick anyone, I stated an opinion. She answered a post with "my money, my choice" or something similar, I said that this was mean because it is mean, no matter how you put it she has no empathy for anyone who might feel a big rejected from their uncle's inheritance. I know she cared for him but still, the way it was said was not nice. Yet, she feels rejected for not getting a lift and she thinks people should just offer her a lift. Because. She wants us to understand her mental health but has no understanding and pick on a comment (which might have been mean, but, again, she is mental health aware) for her mum's mental health. Mean, I stand by it! I also followed with a kind post telling her to seek therapy. Stand by that as well.

Yes, lots of us have mothers who aren't our 'cheerleaders'. I would love it if mine were able to feel proud of me, but I need to accept that her own upbringing damaged her and made her the person she is, someone who never really grew up. I maintain as good a relationship with her as I can without wrecking my own peace of mind, and my friends and DH are my 'cheerleaders'.

Well, Op. Fortunately you lucked out with a lovely Uncle who made your younger days happier and with a brother who thinks of how you feel and knows the hardship of having a mother with mental illness.
Don't put too much store in the opinions of those whom you don't respect. (ie your cousins who ignore Uncle and you.)

You were generous to share your windfall from Uncle with your brother. Go about your life not worrying about your cousins so much. However I would take any invitation at face value and not try to read their intentions and reasoning. I would have still gone, driven there (hired an uber or asked them to drive me back to my car in the dark). I would have tried to get to know them better, had fun and thanked them for a beaut night.

Rarely are relationships completely simple and all rosy. It's normal to not feel really close to all relatives.
You need to make your own happiness, be comfortable in your own skin and live looking forward and focussed on a good furure.

So yet again, your behaviour is fine and should be accepted because of your history.... yet everyone else is just awful and dreadful?

All you ever want is your mother to love you. If your mum isn’t your cheerleader, then who will be?

Mine was a professional at putting me down for my entire, long life. Then she cut me out of her will.

Nice.

OP gently. Your feelings are not facts. You admit yourself that it’s hard to tell the difference in the depths of a period of depression.

you’re asking people here to validate that your feelings are facts. We can’t do that.

I really really think that some proper talking therapy, maybe in conjunction with some pharmaceutical support, could help you to move to a happier place.

I know therapy is scary. I know it’s easier to stay where we are stuck. But real change is only going to come from you.

sending you grit - you, and only you, can change this

OP isn't too down to criticise people's grammar in a really nasty way.

I'm sure OP could say exactly the same thing about you. How nasty to kick someone who is already down. Says a lot about you.

Just to say, as someone who has suffered for a lifetime being on the receiving end of very hurtful comments from my mother and comparitive statements around my siblings and myself, I hugely recommend looking into therapy. This will allow you to heal but also teach you how to find your worth. Your relationships with others will improve also and life will just feel better. I think your mother is a hurtful person, probably unintentionally, but it doesn’t mean it’s not hurting you horribly. There’s often a layer of mothers treating sons differently from daughters and being so much more critical of their daughters - I suspect there is a healthy dose of that going on here too. I suspect the cousin’s invite was not meant to be hurtful at all but when you are doom spiralling and in a bad place it becomes remarkably easy to find hurt. You are obviously a good person and a kind one - your uncle singled you out for just this reason. Please do start thinking about ways you can pull yourself out of the bad place you’re in and separate yourself from the hurt. I wish you all the very best.

It’s simple. These people are not bringing happiness to you or your life. Just because you are related doesn’t mean you have to keep people in your life.

Go find your happiness and make a family of people that you love and who love you. Let go of the she said/ he said/ I wasn’t invited.

If this is how you see your Cousins they are not part of your life, nor are you part of theirs - they clearly are part of your brothers life, so you perhaps just need to accept that and stop trying to 'force' them to provide validation and kindness you demand, whilst not giving any in return.

I see you as truly so fortunate. You have had such an incredible stroke of luck being left so much money, you are set up for life independently.

Your mother is totally lacking in many ways, but you have a mother that listens and cares for you. She may make many mistakes but it sounds like she tries to take an interest in your tatoo/life.

You have cousins that invite you out and show interest in you - many of us simply have never had these relationships at all.

You appear to want to be seen as a victim with poor mental health, but I suspect your mental health would improve almost instantly if you could see all of your good fortune and your relationships in a different light.

You are currently being held back by your own negativity, and poor me complex, and you could achieve greater things still with some solid strategies and some gratitude and grace.

Let things wash over a little, don’t be so acutely ready to take offence - your life would become instantly easier.

This invitation and night out is not really the problem, is it? I think you sound deeply unhappy and have struggled with this for a long time. Why don't you seek help, counselling, CBT or similar,? You will not change how you feel about yourself without help. Until you value yourself there's unlikely to be a change in how you perceive your family's attitude to you.
Good for you getting the inheritance. Clearly your uncle valued you and your visits! Ignore the sour grapes about your good fortune.

Did she literally say it like that? 'Yes, but he's good looking?'

Or did she say 'yes but yours will be small and it's on your back where it will hardly be seen. His will be huge and all over his arm. No way of hiding it. Why would a good looking man risk doing something permanent that might look horrible?

Both ways mention that he's good looking, but with added context they have completely different meanings.

It seems to me that you are (intentionally or not) looking for reasons to feel excluded. Maybe CBT might help you to realise how your thinking patterns are leading you to assumptions that back up the beliefs you already have about your place in the family, and to take responsibility for your own needs a bit more rather than relying on others to validate and reassure you.

Not to mention the unusual use of punctuation. With all the unnecessary full stops. Halfway through a sentence

People in glass houses, etc.

There is a lack of empathy coming though in your posts OP.

You pull others up on SPAG but excuse the same thing in yourself because you're tired and upset.

You're blaming your poor mental health on why you are being mean to others on this post but don't seem to be able to make the correlation with your mother and why she is mean to you.

You expect your family to make extra allowances for you and treat you kindly and bear in mind the whole history of your life - your previous attack where you got significantly injured, your recent suicide attempt, but can't seem to put yourself in their shoes and emphasise why they might feel unhappy about one cousin getting a very large amount of money. It sounds like you inherited hundreds of thousands of pounds. Perhaps they are thinking 'SansaStark knows we're struggling to pay the mortgage/putting 3 kids through uni/DP has lost his job, she couldn't spare us a few grand?'

You're defending your uncle by saying 'nobody is entitled to money,' but don't seem to get that equally nobody is entitled to a lift just because they invited someone to an event.

Nothing you've said is wrong - your mother's comments were hurtful, nobody is entitled to money, the attack you suffered must have been traumatising - but very few people skip through life with no issues, I'm sure your cousins also have had struggles in their past. If you want people to be kind and go over and above to you have to extend the same courtesy back. Or accept you have a less close, acquaintance type relationship where they might invite you along to an event but won't issue you with a handwritten gilded invitation and chauffer you there and back.