Always the last to be picked

my goodness he must have paid a lot of tax on his gift.

It makes sense that you don't really have a framework for what "normal" looks like. You know it's not what you grew up with. Then everywhere you turn you're faced with images of perfect, happy families having BBQs in summer and big feasts at Christmas and pulling together to love each other in between.

That's not real though. Mums are nearly always hypercritical and judgey, it seems to be something Boomer women think is their duty. Siblings often don't get on and if they do they grow apart. My husband is NC with his sister and parents. I've seen my brother once in 2025. He doesn't like me visiting him as he finds it stressful having visitors and he doesn't visit us as he doesn't like to leave his cats alone. I have my cousins on Facebook and occasionally we'll like each others posts. My auntie died last week, I hadn't seen her in over 20 years.

It sounds to be honest like you've got a lovely brother, extended family who spend time with you and invite you out with them, and a mum who occasionally makes snippy comments. As families go, that's not at all a bad deal. Having a shit childhood is casting a shadow over what you have now.

Yes, we have quite different situations and yours sounds worse. I’m glad you realised he was talking bollocks.

How were you legally able to give away half your inheritance if you were a child?

op, please just leave this thread. Mumsnet is known for being viciously unkind to people to make themselves feel better. Your not going to get any real advice.

@TheLovelinessOfDemons yes. My whole life! One of my earliest memories - and I’m talking pre school - was him telling me I’d need to learn to clean and cook to keep a man as I would never get one on looks.

Now he needs a nursemaid he reins it in but if he thinks I’m ever going to forget, he’s in for another disappointment!

Has he always been like that? With my mum it’s only been since the start of this year.

@TheLovelinessOfDemons I have a dad like that. Thinks the fact that I have not spent my life trying to ‘improve’ my looks to be more attractive to men is why my life is ‘so shit and sad’ - by which he means not defined by a man. It absolutely riles him, even now in the last years of his life, that I dare to be happy without his and General male validation. Can’t understand why I have a job, or why an estate agent sold a house to someone as awful as me! Every time I turn the key in the lock I do a little happy dance at how much it annoys him!

Oh no she didn’t say it to them. She said “do you think your appearance is the reason they put you out on the balcony?” For some reason she thought I was out on a balcony all day in -2 degrees. And “you won’t get the flat because of your appearance.” This flat I now live in. I look like a perfectly normal middle aged person.

@QueenQueef25 Fantastic post.

I'm sorry you feel "left out" by your cousins but you admit that they are much older, virtually another generation. They did invite you to the event - and as that invitation was through your brother they could as easily not included you and you might never have known.

Your solo inheritance from a mutual uncle has marked you out as different to them. I'm sure they would have benefited greatly as well if he had shared it between all his neices and nephews. Of course nobody is entitled to an inheritance and you have explained that nobody else visited this uncle. However, you were still a child, and visiting him partly to escape your unhappy home life. So not really any more deserving?

I think your mother is clumsy and thoughtless. Saying that your brother should not spoil his good looks with a tattoo does not mean that you are not good-looking because your proposed tattoo would be hidden and you want to cover a scar.

I am OKish but I have had therapy for ever.

OP you don’t seem to be listening to the people who say you need counselling.

Yes, your mother sounds difficult and undermining but you cannot change that. You can only change how you react to her and counselling would help with this and help build resilience and address your sensitivity to her slights.

I resent that my brother benefitted from my uncle and got away with not being the villain, so I resent the situation.

You said upthread that you haven't told anyone you shared your inheritance with your brother. Why not? Why not at least tell your parents?

@SansaStark90

I think you need to cut yourself some slack and remember that if you are very low, it makes you much more sensitive to everything because you are raw and vulnerable.

The tattoo thing - I see why you are upset but I think it's more likely that the scar is the difference here. I don't like tattoos personally so if a friend told me they were getting one ' just because', I'd try to dissuade them. but if a friend told me they were getting one to cover a scar, I'd think that might be a good thing for them and support them.

The difference is that a person trying to cover a scar is specifically engaging in body modification to improve the scar's appearance - presumably something that bothers them.

I am sorry you are feeling so down - I know what that is like I have been there - but like I said, do remember it makes you more raw. Socialising is good if you can face it when you are down - isolation makes it worse - so congratulate yourself for being interested in going out!.

I think your DM could have been far more tactful in her response but to me the placement of a tattoo does make a difference. I would imagine a large arm piece would be far more noticeable and distracting than a delicate back design. Do you often wear clothing that would put it on display? I also wouldn’t try and encourage someone who wants a symbolic tattoo not to get it, especially if they are already fragile but if my son just fancied a massive bit of ink on his arm I’d possibly tell him it’s a idiot move (I’m not against tattoos, I actually have two small ones that are hidden everyday and still love!)

It’s also hard to arrange something with a person who isn’t in the original chat channel. They didn’t have to invite you but they chose to because they would like you there. Find a way that works for both you and them, I’m sure it will be worth it

Okay, that's bloody horrible. I'm not surprised you are upset.

@SansaStark90 do you still have regular therapy sessions? If so, it might be a good idea to bring up the even incident with your therapist and explore your feelings of being unwanted around it.

For most posters here, it seems obvious that there was no slight intended and as one poster pointed out, your feelings aren't fact. They are, however, your feelings and you can't help having them. It can be hard to be rational when our thinking is skewed by trauma or past events. And I just really don't think getting into spats with Mumsnetters or being snarky about SPAG is going to help you in any way.

You went through truly awful times with your mother. You have complicated feelings and a complicated past with your extended family. A professional could really help you navigate it all.

You resent your brother because you decided to give him half an inheritance?

Irdk what mumsnets issue with these types of threads are. The replys are mostly appalling - well i do, it's a mixture of 'internalised misogyny' and projecting.
Calling OP a wet lettuce, saying her brother sounds 'more fun' and belittling someone for not wanting to be alone after dark after being attacked.
Piling on and projecting.

Literally, mob mentality and victim blaming.

Making assumptions left right and center and then telling the op they are assuming.

It's internalised misogyny bc the deathly shuddering and tutting is from your own projected fear of societal ideas about 'weakness'.
Not wanting to be seen as a 'victim' so your re-inforcing those patriarchal values.
By deneying 'weakness' and rewarding 'strength '

Weakness and victimhood exist - they are not an eternal state or a personality.

This all is from women who follow trends,
Depend on others to tell them what's acceptable. Spend all their lives subconsciously trying to 'fit in'.
Will take no wider responsibility for the issues facing their communities, won't put themselves out for anything/anyone.
Live viacariously through their children. and have just discovered they can wear trainers WITH a dress. Stone the flaming crows.

Op you sound really kind, intelligent, hard working, empathic.
Driving your family to chemo and helping out your uncle.

Your kindness obviously ment a lot to him if your the only one he left anything to.

You might feel alone and invalidated but you have a major opportunity to change course, the house and money have given you a way out of being dependent on the family system.
Yes the family have let you down emotionally, and will likely continue to ( not bc of your failing but sadly people create coping skills of 'punching down' and before wide spread therapytalk was normal, these are the unseen dynamics that have made up society. )
But with this, quite significant £££ help you could change the course of your life.

It's human nature to need your parents approval/guidance/emotional support.
But if its not comming, and millions of people feel like this, you could seek other senses of help, build yourself up and create a different support system ( maybe that sounds far off. )

Look up 'Cen'
Childhood emotional neglect
Just don't expect your mum to ever grasp or take responsibility for your needs - she won't be able to with her own mental health issues. That doesn't mean you can't have a lovely life, even if you have a differcult backstory.