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AIBU?

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Original poster

Always the last to be picked

310 replies

SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:08

I don’t know if I’m feeling really sensitive or right to feel valid. I’ve been feeling very low on myself. Very. My family know this. I mentioned in passing to my mum I’d like a little tattoo to cover a scar. She said oh lovely idea. Then we had Sunday lunch with my brother who declared he was having a large tattoo on his arm. She said he’d look awful, begged him not to. I said well you didn’t mind when I said I wanted one. Bearing in mind me and my brother are in our 30’s. She said yeah, but he’s good looking. Meaning he’d spoil himself but must mean no chance of me spoiling myself. I went over this comment for now over three months.

Jump to Wednesday last week. A family member messaged my brother on social media. I’m not on it. Asking if he and I would like to come to see another family member perform at a large venue. Now everyone in my family know how down I am to the point of being suicidal and really struggling. So you’d think I’d be treated a little more gently. She said in the message which was forwarded to me, if my brother couldn’t make it. I should come along and join them. This event was in the next city. Having not been on any form of a night out other than meals I became excited and told him to message her id love to and for to text me the details. In the meantime, I ordered an outfit for next day delivery, booked my nails and lashes in and makeup for the Saturday the day of the event. Presuming as she’d asked and she was driving there, I’d be getting a lift.

So she text me. Tickets are available online. Brother has said he can’t make it due to working….i would have offered a lift but we have a car full (I had no idea and still think this was a lie as when I’ve heard of them going to these events, no mention of others attending.)

For one, heading there on my own where the nearest car park is a fifteen minute walk so I’d be walking to my car late at night in an unfamiliar city. And two, I just felt like she wanted my brother there. But not me. I felt small. Inferior. And unwanted. I’ve been very emotional about the whole thing since.

OP posts:
Original poster
SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:31

CaptainFuture · 12/05/2025 05:28

But what is your expectation of support from them?

Show quote history

None. A lift. That’s all. So I wasn’t walking in an unfamiliar city on my own and felt included in the event

OP posts:
Original poster
SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:30

Communitywebbing · 12/05/2025 05:26

The tattoo comment makes sense to me. She doesn’t like tattoos normally but can see the point if it’s to cover a scar. Nothing nasty there.
With the family event, they did invite you which means they want you there, but they expect you to make your own way. You’re right that they aren’t thinking of you with the care and protectiveness you would like, but perhaps it is all they can offer at the moment. You have family who spend time with you, and I’m sure they care about you but maybe not in the ways you want most at the moment.

If it had been worded liked that. No probelm.
it was the, but he’s good looking part. Would no one else not take offence to that?

OP posts:
Original poster
SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:29

CaptainFuture · 12/05/2025 05:20

Where/what was your tattoo and respectively his?
I think from your post you're stuck in that negative mindset where everything is taken really upsetting and hurtful, even if no intent.
You put everyone in my family know how down I am to the point of being suicidal and really struggling. So you’d think I’d be treated a little more gently
How much do you expect them to focus on this, do you know what's going on in their lives, any struggles, difficulties?
Did you offer anyone a lift?

His tattoo would cover his arm. Mine would cover most of my back surgery scar which is large.

No I didn’t offer a lift as I wasn’t really given a chance. I don’t expect privileges with being down. But I wouldn’t invite someone if I knew I couldn’t take them there and make them feel included. That’s just how I am. I’d have gladly given a lift. But don’t know the others who were supposedly in attendance

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 12/05/2025 05:28

SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:26

Why would she be nervous? It’s not like I’m a danger. I’m down on myself. Not anyone else. I think that’s where the stigma of admitting you aren’t ok comes from

Show quote history

But what is your expectation of support from them?

Original poster
SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:26

Toootss · 12/05/2025 05:23

I think if you have been down and suicidal she is possibly nervous about going with you on your own. Your brother would have been there to help get you there etc and now he’s not going. Have you seen this person recently.?
it is thoughtless of her not to give you a lift but you should go. She wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want to see you.
Surely if it’s a show you are going to see lots of people will walk to the car park when it ends and you’ll be fine.

Why would she be nervous? It’s not like I’m a danger. I’m down on myself. Not anyone else. I think that’s where the stigma of admitting you aren’t ok comes from

OP posts:
Communitywebbing · 12/05/2025 05:26

The tattoo comment makes sense to me. She doesn’t like tattoos normally but can see the point if it’s to cover a scar. Nothing nasty there.
With the family event, they did invite you which means they want you there, but they expect you to make your own way. You’re right that they aren’t thinking of you with the care and protectiveness you would like, but perhaps it is all they can offer at the moment. You have family who spend time with you, and I’m sure they care about you but maybe not in the ways you want most at the moment.

Original poster
SansaStark90 · 12/05/2025 05:25

CatRescueNeeded · 12/05/2025 05:19

You are obviously going through a tough time at the moment

Kindly, I think you are over reacting to both the examples you have given. A small tattoo to cover a scar is very different to a large arm tattoo, which I expect is why your mum reacted differently

With the second example I would take it at face value and assume they do a have a car full (it’s a strange thing to lie about as would be pretty obvious if you got there and the numbers didn’t add up). Why don’t you just park in the same car park they are using, then you can still walk back together?

Mine wouldn’t be a small tattoo I had spinal surgery up 3/4’s of my back.

I know what you are saying. It was how the text was worded. Your brother is working and that’s who we wanted to see is how I took the message.

An uncle died who I was the only one who visited him. He left me all of his estate. I’ve tried to brush things off as paranoia but another cousin didn’t even send me a wedding invitation but did to every other family member. A cousin I barely saw so no reason to hate me. My brother saw him even less than me. But got an invite

OP posts:
Toootss · 12/05/2025 05:23

I think if you have been down and suicidal she is possibly nervous about going with you on your own. Your brother would have been there to help get you there etc and now he’s not going. Have you seen this person recently.?
it is thoughtless of her not to give you a lift but you should go. She wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want to see you.
Surely if it’s a show you are going to see lots of people will walk to the car park when it ends and you’ll be fine.

CaptainFuture · 12/05/2025 05:20

Where/what was your tattoo and respectively his?
I think from your post you're stuck in that negative mindset where everything is taken really upsetting and hurtful, even if no intent.
You put everyone in my family know how down I am to the point of being suicidal and really struggling. So you’d think I’d be treated a little more gently
How much do you expect them to focus on this, do you know what's going on in their lives, any struggles, difficulties?
Did you offer anyone a lift?

CatRescueNeeded · 12/05/2025 05:19

You are obviously going through a tough time at the moment

Kindly, I think you are over reacting to both the examples you have given. A small tattoo to cover a scar is very different to a large arm tattoo, which I expect is why your mum reacted differently

With the second example I would take it at face value and assume they do a have a car full (it’s a strange thing to lie about as would be pretty obvious if you got there and the numbers didn’t add up). Why don’t you just park in the same car park they are using, then you can still walk back together?