To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

Stupid idea, the kids are gonna stop coming so often soon I would imagine anyway, being teens.

Of course your DS should have his own room. It’s a ridiculous suggestion that your step kids should have their own rooms, they’re only with you 2 nights a week!

I haven't read the full thread (only OP's posts) but is there any chance he wants to keep the 3yo in your bedroom to avoid intimacy?

For 2 nights a week absolutely nothing wrong with the 2 step sons of that age sharing

I expect DSS have asked him and he has panicked and said he'd discuss it with you, which he is now doing, and then he can share the weight of no, or just outright put it on you when DSS are disappointed.
But whether the boys are disappointed or not doesn't really matter. Your 3 y/o needs a space of their own and so do you!!
You can explain to DSS that you'll be extending soon and that you'll revisit the bedrooms when you have more space. Simple we that!
You aren't being unreasonable at all and no one could seriously think you are, not really.
Wishing you all the happiness in your new home 🏡 💗

Can you split the larger room?

Why did you have a child when you didn’t really have enough space?

I agree with you but would suggest not telling your husband that his idea is too stupid to even entertain.

You'd probably get further by talking to him about his reasons and showing sympathy for them. My best guess is that he feels guilty because his other kids have to split their time between two houses in the first place. Which could be some pretty heavy guilt. Also, his other kids are getting older so he might worry that the younger two will never get their own rooms at your house and/or that they won't want to come anymore because of it.

Either way, 18 months isn't that big of a deal, is it? I'd also consider if there's a third option that will make everybody happy, such as finishing the loft or whatever it is, at least good enough for now or splitting a larger bedroom into two for the middle kids. Good luck with it. :)

They must have their own room from a psychological perspective? What crap, he’s 3 not 13.

i find this obsession with making such young children sleep alone bizarre.

That said, if OP wants the 3yo out, then DSS should share.

I'd be wary of agreeing that 3 yr old stays with you until the conversion is done. I suspect it would keep getting put off because one or other of the DSC has exams coming up so their revision shouldn't be disrupted by building works. So you could be looking at 6 yrs+ at which point would it still be worth doing? Is he going to want to permanently keep a bedroom each so that when they are adults they would still have their own room for the occasional weekend/xmas?.

It actually wouldn’t matter at all if these were your own kids or stepsiblings - either way there’s no reason for you to share with your 3 year old. Siblings are perfectly capable of sharing bedrooms. Then you add in the part where it’s only twice a week and it sounds even more ridiculous.

In the nicest way possible - does your DH even want a relationship with you? How can he possibly be okay to share a room with your child indefinitely? Unless there’s a particularly challenging situation, this has gone on for far too long already - mostly because you don’t want it to (because of course there are many families who choose to share rooms for many reasons!)

Surely your step kids wouldn’t even suggest this once they thought about it for a minute.

What, with 3 teenagers in the house who, presumably, are allowed to access the communal areas?

Your husband is being ridiculous. End of

How much longer is a 17yr old even going to want to stay?
Definitely NBU

No point in moving to a bigger house if u still share with child.

For 3yr old psychological development, they must have own room. When has play dates soon …. It will be in your room!!!! Yipes

If you split up with him and he has another, younger child with another woman, would you want him to continue to try and make things as good as possible for your son when he stays with him or not?

Or the DSS can share.

Well obviously not, but they can put the child to bed and have sex in the lounge.

Absolutely bonkers of your dh. And if the DSD is 17 surely she won’t be coming for sleepovers for much longer so a room may become available then?
Either way the child (and parents!) who live there full time deserve to have their own space.

We recently went to Bristol to look at the house where my grandfather was born & raised to age 14, when he went off to WWI. So from 1902 onwards. There were 2 parents and eight kids in 66 square metres.

They managed. Some even were nurses, engineers and other professionals in adulthood.

whos getting the loft room?
if it’s one of the older boys they should share till it’s ready.

Absolutely this! The 3 year old should have their own bedroom in their own home. I don't see the problem with the 2 boys sharing 2 nights a week. The GCSEs will not be at risk.

If you're paying half the mortgage on this house OP then you get an equal voice along with your DH. He wants to prioritise his other kids, then he pays 2/3rds of the mortgage surely....

The three year old might not need his own room but his parents certainly do. Two adults and one child sharing a room in a four bedroom house, when the three other rooms are used for two night a weeks, is utterly ridiculous

Depending in how big bedrooms are could you create a split down one with furniture for the two older boys?

He’s being unreasonable.

Children that age shouldn’t be in the room when their parents are having sex.