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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

267 replies

User982778 · 11/05/2025 18:27

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 12/05/2025 15:39

YourFairCyanReader · 11/05/2025 23:06

Why do PP keep saying the DSD and older DSS will be moved out anyway soon so it won't matter?
Kids still need a room at home when they go to uni, and ideally even if they get a flat and a job, so they can come to stay and possible to live again if needed. Lots of things can happen in late teens and early 20s. If anything they need more room for a partner as well, and maybe a baby. DH should still want to have this space for them for years to come

Oh bloody hell. Keep a room for all the kids in case they might want to move in with their families in the future? You can't be serious.

pinkyredrose · 12/05/2025 15:35

Nenas · 11/05/2025 21:08

Well obviously not, but they can put the child to bed and have sex in the lounge.

Show quote history

Yeah that works until the teenagers creep downstairs!

Temperlee · 12/05/2025 11:25

@User982778

YANBU at all! Absolutely daft idea of your DH when they're only there two nights a week. Your DSD may cease even two nights a week before long.

Good friends of ours have just been through a similar housing situation. Maybe what they did would be an answer for you if you have a decent sized lounge.

They have 3 boys and 1 girl. They too were considering a loft conversion but life got in the way. In the end they cut the lounge in half with a stud wall so the eldest now happily has his own room downstairs. Obviously this can only work if the 'half lounge' is big enough to use once it's chopped up and that the layout of the downstairs rooms and corridors is conducive to this idea.

MissFenellaPrism · 12/05/2025 11:00

TheHerboriste · 12/05/2025 10:57

Agree.

People are always banging on about housing shortages. No wonder if the baseline now is for every single human in Britain to have their own bedroom!

Talk about ridiculous and unrealistic. There is nothing wrong with children and teens sharing rooms, as they do in the rest of the world.

Show quote history

I agree. It's perfectly reasonable for siblings to share, especially 2 nights a week! It's nonsensical for parents and a 3 year old child to share when there will be 3 other bedrooms not being used for most of the week.

TheHerboriste · 12/05/2025 10:57

PurpleThistle7 · 11/05/2025 22:37

Im so confused by everyone acting like it’s shocking for siblings to share a room. There are plenty of families in 2-3 bedroom flats and houses with siblings sharing. Its not odd at all and I can’t work out why it would be so crazy for these siblings to carry on sharing. Even if all 4 were full siblings and all lived there full time it would still make sense for the two same sex siblings nearest in age to share. They should get the bigger bedroom and maybe some clever furniture if you can afford it but still - totally normal.

How far are you from their other home? Surely soon they’ll have jobs and girlfriends or boyfriends and things will change anyway?

Agree.

People are always banging on about housing shortages. No wonder if the baseline now is for every single human in Britain to have their own bedroom!

Talk about ridiculous and unrealistic. There is nothing wrong with children and teens sharing rooms, as they do in the rest of the world.

MissFenellaPrism · 12/05/2025 10:29

Jk987 · 12/05/2025 10:02

Your 3 year old can bunk in with you for 2 nights a week when the other children are there. The rest of the time he has his own room.

No, this is his primary home. He should have a bedroom and not have to give it up when there are 2 same sex siblings who can share.

Rattai · 12/05/2025 10:06

Did your husband not want a room you can have sex in at night?? I'm guessing you have to be quite inventive at finding time alone???

Jk987 · 12/05/2025 10:02

Your 3 year old can bunk in with you for 2 nights a week when the other children are there. The rest of the time he has his own room.

Shinyandnew1 · 12/05/2025 07:04

I can't imagine the 17 year old will be coming to stay two days a week when she's at work/university, so that room will probably become more available.

I completely agree with you though-DS and you need your own space. I would say to your DH that we need to pull out of this house if that's his plan as it just won't work.

TeaAndTattoos · 12/05/2025 01:44

No absolutely not you need your own space and your 3 year old needs his own room with his toys your step children don’t need their own rooms when they are hardly ever there.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/05/2025 01:21

No way, not a chance, what is he thinking? Enjoy the freedom when you have the youngest in their room, you're paying for the house.

mondaytosunday · 12/05/2025 01:16

My stepsons always shared, even when one moved in full time at 14. There was no question about this and they never minded. My DH and I had a girl and boy who had their own rooms.

Italiangreyhound · 12/05/2025 00:29

Sorry your joint son, not daughter.

alwaysamused · 12/05/2025 00:04

You're right.

S0j0urn4r · 11/05/2025 23:50

Stick to your guns. He's talking shite.

YerArseInParsley · 11/05/2025 23:46

User982778 · 11/05/2025 18:27

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

Agree, your husband is being ridiculous. They have a room at their mums house and a room at dad's and the 3 Yr old has no room.

I think you mentioned the rooms are big, why don't you split the biggest room down the middle with a Kalax unit and it gives both boys their own privacy.

How old are the kids?

Okshacky · 11/05/2025 23:43

He’s being ridiculous. Say “no “ and forget about his brain fart.

JockTamsonsBairns · 11/05/2025 23:37

Nenas · 11/05/2025 22:24

On the 5 nights the teens aren't there

Show quote history

Ok, fair point.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 11/05/2025 23:36

Italiangreyhound · 11/05/2025 23:31

You are not being unreasonable. Your birth child needs her own room in her own house.

Tell your Dh the plan stays the same. Move your dd in from day one.

You are right and he is wrong.

They have a joint son, not a daughter.

I do agree with everything you've said. Why some posters seem to want to make it a problem is typical MN at its worst. There is nothing wrong with the two brothers closest in age to share whether the loft is converted or is not.

Italiangreyhound · 11/05/2025 23:31

You are not being unreasonable. Your birth child needs her own room in her own house.

Tell your Dh the plan stays the same. Move your dd in from day one.

You are right and he is wrong.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 11/05/2025 23:28

crumblingschools · 11/05/2025 22:21

@Themaghag but they obviously didn't think about what they were going to do when they had another child

Oh wah! People have the right to have a child and making kids share a room isn't like keeping them in an outdoor shed or doghouse.

Give your head a shake and just STOP!

AlmostSummer25 · 11/05/2025 23:26

User982778 · 11/05/2025 18:52

It also, probably over dramatically, makes me feel protective of DS. That his own dad seemingly doesn't care about him having space in his only home so long as DSC get what they want. Rightly or wrongly it hurts.

Tell him this!! Spell it out clearly.

2 nights a week the 12& 15 yo's can share.

in reality DSD will probably want to stop staying over before the loft gets converted anyway.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 11/05/2025 23:26

User982778 · 11/05/2025 18:49

I feel like I have been fair up to now. I haven't demanded anyone give up a room where we are despite them being used only a couple of nights a week, because I know it was our choice to have DS, I've spent 3 years sharing with our son, having no privacy with my husband or any real space for my own things in a house I pay half the mortgage on.

I just feel it's so unfair of him to expect this from me now, AGAIN.

Since you pay for half of the mortgage, YOU get say over 1/2 of the house. So, two bedrooms are yours to choose who stays in them.

Stop letting some dud control you to the point where you question what you know to be a sound decision. He should be expecting nothing from you this time.

Please, put your foot down before your DS becomes a messed up kid who cannot sleep on his own when he is 8-9-10-12-21.....

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 11/05/2025 23:21

User982778 · 11/05/2025 18:39

I imagine it'll be because a comments been made from one DSS or the other that they don't want to share again, which I understand. But then to DH that means frantically trying to give them that at the expense of me, him and our son too which is just ridiculous to me.

Edited

That is too much like your DH trying to be a Fantasy Dad. Giving them everything at the expense of his DW and joint child.

No reason that the two DSS cannot continue sharing until the loft gets done or the extension. Your DS needs to have his own room so he can learn to be on his own at night.

Pallisers · 11/05/2025 23:17

Of course the 3 year old should have a room. Once the extension is done then the SC need no longer share so they have that to look forward to.

I can't understand your dh wanting to share with a 3 year old for another year and a half. At this rate your child will be going to school by the time he gets his own bedroom - if he is lucky.