To believe that my heart is on the floor...but I'll be a mum?

I met my DH in a choir. Married 35 years.

Unfortunately my theory about this is that these successful, good-looking guys are only still "available" because they don't actually want to commit to anyone and aren't capable of being decent, reliable and honest.

You aren’t running out of time at 33 and you’ve saved yourself a world of much worse heartbreak down the track by letting him show his true colours now. Trust me on that.

Getting over a breakup takes a bit of time - don’t jump manically into finding his replacement because you think you’re running out of time. You aren’t. Let yourself get over the loss of something that wasn’t what you hoped it would be/thought it was. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend going through the same thing. There is so much joy in life, in living in the now instead of worrying about the future. Focus on that. The guy’s a knob and you’re had a lucky escape. A year from now I guarantee you will believe that.

Give loads of sports and clubs a go, even if you're not sure about it, they pretty much all do a free session. I took up a martial art less than 5 years ago and am slowly but surely progressing (about 2 years away from a black belt, hopefully).

Do shop around, even if they do the same activity, club culture varies hugely! You'll want one where they socialise in the pub/café after. I tried 3 clubs before I found the right one for me e.g. in my experience MMA was sexist, taekwondo is supportive - but this may vary in your local area. Choirs are also good for making friends, though they will probably be mostly women. Boardgame groups are full of men, but the sane/eligible ones usually bring their equally nice girlfriends 😅

I can’t speak from experience but how would a child feel if they knew their father was a donor? Is that something that is discussed beforehand with the mother?

Honestly OP you would have been destroyed by his compulsive lying if you’d stayed with him. Someone constantly lying to you, they can even be the tiniest, most inconsequential things to lie about not just the big stuff, would eventually send you over the edge. Think of it as being with an alcoholic or heroin addict or compulsive gambler. No sane person can be happy with these people. Not just you destroyed but your future child.

You can have a baby without a partner. I know a number of people who've done it and it's been fine.

It's not advice. It's a fact. There's nothing wrong with being a single mum. In fact, when I read about some of the tossers who are dads (on here) it seems a better choice.

I'm sorry if my words came off harsh. I just don't think other people's "happy ever after" stories are necessarily going to help, especially when you seemingly struggle with your self esteem and setting boundaries. I'm sorry to hear you have things going on in your life, I truly wish you the best and hope you'll find the happiness and peace you seek.

I would recommend talking to ChatGPT about it. Ask all the questions about his behaviour, why men don’t fall over to get to you and how to build your confidence. It’s cathartic.

You will meet the one..just choose someone kind and who makes you laugh. Don’t go for the flashy ones.

Have previous partners been “pathological liars” and treated you like crap? If you have a pattern of behaviour in falling for the wrong guy then there’s no point thinking about having babies with useless men.

If it’s just a one off guy then you don’t have to worry too much. But I do have friends who have been searching for a decent partner for many many years but still struggle with online dating etc..

Good luck you’ll be fine!

It gradually declines in your 30's, she has years.

You need to learn how not to depend on men for your happiness and fulfillment. You might or might not find somebody to settle down with, and you might or might not have children... nobody can tell you what the future holds for you. But you sound very desperate with very little self respect since you can allow yourself to beg a loser of a man to accept your forgiveness of HIS shitty behaviour. Where are your standards? Do you not care what kind of man you settle down with or make the father of your children? Any willing bag of garbage will do for you?

If you really want children, you have options. But please don't let your desperation influence you to choose shitty men for yourself...

I know people who have been over 40 before they met someone and had children. You have plenty of time.

I was 50. And he was worth the wait.

I was 39, absolutely given up hope so decided to live my life for me. Yep, you guessed it, as soon as my mindset changed I met a lovely man and, dear reader, I married him within a year. 2 children followed.
So my advice is stop looking, do what you want to do. If you meet someone, hurrah, and if you don’t at least you will have had a pleasant, enjoyable time.

That's the attitude! There's literally nothing more exciting than a bit of flirting, it doesn't have to lead anywhere, just have a bit of innocent fun!

Doing the online freedom programme will help you recognise red flags and develop healthy relationship behaviour. Neither of you are compatible for each other; sex isn't enough to sustain a long term relationship.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Life can change when you least expect it. I had a big party for turning 40 to mark the end of a 5 year unsuccessful fertility treatment journey with the partner I hadn't even met when I was your age.
For my 41st birthday - I went out for lunch with my 3 month old baby!! The best, most unexpected, momento of my 40th birthday!🤣
Enjoy what you have right now, and let the future take care of itself.

Then you’re going to keep running into these problems, aren’t you. In your early 30s the pool is plenty deep to find a decent man who doesn’t have more baggage than Heathrow. You think most women our age (I’m 35) have men falling at our feet? And that you’re some exception and therefore have to lower your standards and settle for shit men like your ex? Get off social media and get back in the real world. Men can ‘prefer’ a 22 year-old Victoria’s Secret model all they want, it doesn’t mean that’s who 99% of them will end up marrying.