To be finding modern life more and more unpleasant?

I think if you are quite isolated, and get the bulk of your social interaction online, it's easy to get the impression that everything is getting worse.

Out in the real world, though, there are plenty of good things, and people are generally nice. Someone upthread mentioned going to local events and festivals, and I think that's a really good idea. Its gets you out of the house, doesn't cost a fortune, and you get to meet people.

Hi OP,
I'm generally a down beat sort of person. I really prefer my own company or that of animals to most people. So I get how you feel, I personally don't think things have got worse because my opinion of humans has always been low.
But when I feel a bit depressed I reach for either Joe Abercrombies books set in the world of the first law, marvellous fantasy stuff and it's all grim, but shot through with humour. Or Jane Austen, her characters are mostly super realistic and so often behave very badly. And society as a whole is shown as so deeply unfair and just dreadful. I used to think fighting duels was some quaint nonsense until I read Sense and Sensibility, I really wanted Col. Brandon to fight and kill the despicable Willoughby.
I'm sorry my post wandered off into literature if you aren't into it.
I also think you may be physically and emotionally drained by life currently. I also relate to that, I've just decided that I need time to feel exhausted and if I have to sit in my reading chair with my cat then that's what I'm going to do.
Good luck to you!

I’m sorry you’re feeling isolated. This definitely hasn’t been my personal experience. I definitely felt much more isolated in my teens and 20s. I’m mid 40s now and feel like I have lots of real world and online support. Actually, technology has been a huge part of me connecting with communities of people experiencing similar things as me.

To me, it sounds like your experiences have a lot to do with not having support (family, partner, co-parent) and being burnt out than technology replacing human interaction. You sound very much like my mum (back in the 90s) when she was lone parenting a teen (me). I imagine it’s bloody exhausting.

But the takeaway from that is that a village doesn’t come looking for you. You have to cultivate it and keep it watered. Technology might actually be the answer if you have limited time outside of work. My friend who has been a lone parent from birth has found other mums online to connect with. They go on holidays together. They’ve met up for years so now their children are also friends (or at least, as teens, tolerable of each other).

Or with children who are teens, you have the freedom to go and do things that you enjoy in ways that a parent with an 8 year old cannot. What do you love? I went through a horrible period with my mental health and burn out a few years ago. Hiking and wild swimming became my saving grace. Can’t do that on TikTok.

Even when you are working lots, you can squeeze in things you love on the weekends. I started hiking 10-15 miles once or twice a week. I joined a wild swimming group, lots of coffee and cake and human interaction there. They meet to swim probably 5 afternoons/evenings a week. There are tribes out there for everyone. You do have to put yourself out there though. They won’t come searching for you.

Life is what you make of it!
I understand your concerns, but it's here to stay.
I think the most important thing we can teach our DC is to have actual physical hobbies that involve contact with other human beings. Something that's away from school, social media.and the ever increasing online world.

And even better, lead by example!

I think if you're so busy and burnt out from it all that you don't have time to seek connection yourself then its irrelevant what others are doing. In your situation you'd need people prepared to really reach out to you and not expect a lot back because you make it sound like you'd have little to give.

How would you like your life to look different, OP? Maybe that's what you need to focus on, and then think about small changes that you can make to move in the right direction?

I mean this kindly, but I don't think bemoaning how the world has changed is actually going to make your own life any better. There is actually a huge amount of kindness and humanity still "out there", but if you don't go looking for it, you might not see it.

It sounds as if you are missing a community. When I feel like this I think about what I'm seeing in reality vs online. Online the boys are all about Andrew Tate, in my life lots of the men have jobs which involve empathy and kindness, the ones who don't are kind outside of their job role. My son plays a team sport cos he'd by volunteer dads mainly. They tell the kids how proud they are of good sportmanship. Are any of the kids into sports or music and could you engage with that community a bit more? Presumably you have to support them anyway!

But this is the problem then, isn’t it? Not life generally, but the particular phase you’re in…which will, inevitably, not last forever.

Personally, I love all the tech now available, it makes it much easier to keep in touch with people in my opinion.

And, as someone who can remember the utter hopelessness of Sunday afternoons as a child in the late seventies/early eighties I’m rather looking forward to choosing something on Netflix etc today. Or even being able to pop out to the shops..and pay with my phone!

But from what you say you don’t have the time or energy for much ‘social interaction’ outside of work and parenting? Do you feel you have become inept at it?

I got actively ignored by a too cool crew of young employees in a high street store (Office) this week. Left empty-handed. They managed to get my shoes to try on, and take them back, without uttering a work. I don’t even know how they did it.

Not saying it’s all young folks, had the opposite experience in another store (Footlocker) with really nice staff, all from different cultural backgrounds. Lovely kids! But the best shopping experience recently was with an a worker my age (50).

Just the art of basic customer service. Hi, how are you doing? Let me know if you need anything! Lovely day, isn’t it? It was a very nice shop (Oliver Bonas) with a good vibe. I like shopping there. So many shops are utterly depressing nowadays…

Fair enough...although lots of people do manage to volunteer alongside full time work. I have done so for years, despite having a demanding full time job, being the main earner and having a DH who is often overseas for months at a time. But I understand if you feel that you don't want to/ haven't got the capacity right now.

Is there something else that you could do to find more connection with other people?

Can your teens help out more in order to reduce the burden on you having to get everything done?

A lot of people have become increasingly unpleasant in the past few years.

I didn’t feel that until quite recently, but yes, in the last ten years things seem to have become so much narrower and meaner in the world. Up until recently I felt that on balance things kept getting better, but I’m not sure about that any more. The state of world politics, the lack of community and trust in society, Brexit, the economy, bizarre anti-science and extreme worldviews and ideologies getting more and more accepted - if you think back to how the world was in 2012 or 2005 or 1998 things feel very far indeed from normal.

I now look back to aspect of my 80s childhood that have disappeared and can’t help but feel nostalgic when I used to feel glad things had moved on. It’s not just some kind of getting older thing, though - it’s that I now feel the balance has shifted and the things we have now got are no longer worth the things we’ve lost. In the mid-2000s and early 2010s innovations in technology and living standards seemed fantastically promising: iPhones, new ecological ideas, advances in medical science, etc. Now, the current new tech is some kind of nightmare cyberpunk stuff — AI, porn-filled apps, the worst aspects of social media, Boston dynamics robots, cryptocurrency and digital surveillance. No thanks! I’d happily lose it all and go back to the analogue world if it meant a healthier and happier life.

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way, OP.

That isn't my experience personally but what you feel is valid. Are there things that you could do to feel less isolated/get more connection? Volunteering of some kind, maybe?

I agree.
But to counter it I do as much 'in person' stuff as possible.
For example, this morning we went to our town's transport festival in the park It was packed with people enjoying the sun, talking about the cars, laughing about antics of dogs, clapping the merry music of the band etc.
I think things like this help the present mood a lot.

There’s actually a surprising amount of fabulous things going on in the background, but the media doesn’t talk about them. Don’t buy into the gloom and doom narrative that you are being fed