To be upset about partner watching porn?

In what sense “better or worse”

Did he check that everyone involved consented to the upload? Did he check, before wanking, that there was no coercion, abuse or other harm?

Rather missed the point.

It’s really not when thinking our behaviour from a moral/ethical standpoint. Whether you like it or not it will continue.

Interesting that you use the equivalence of a piece of meat.

Men can feel especially horny at random times and he might have just wanted a quickie before starting his day. I think porn is a horrific industry but for many men, they’ve grown up with it being almost ‘normal’ (as wrong as that is) to put on porn. It’s got nothing at all to do with you. Just seeing the female form and also habit. They almost don’t think about it and many of them haven’t thought about the industry enough. It’s like a bad habit for many men. I’d be a bit more understanding. Be clear it’s just the porn specifically that bothers you. Ask him to maybe look into the issues of this industry and try to get out of the habit of using it. But he might struggle and I think some leniency is better than him feeling like he needs to hide it. Maybe tell him about the known risks of addiction which then affects sex lives - he could read about that too. He’s probably feeling pretty embarrassed and sounds like an otherwise great boyfriend so… maybe this is something you can allow (no one is perfect) and he can work on?

This

You may not but millions of people do. People compartmentalise, I watch porn & I don’t for one minute suddenly think this could ethically wrong just a I don’t eat steak & feel bad about the poor cow who was slaughtered & what conditions it may have been subjected to. To suggest that we start feeling ethically or morally wrong for watching in porn is never going to happen & is frankly ridiculous. I don’t give it another thought afterwards & I don’t find my partner less attractive, the two things aren’t remotely connected

It wouldn’t bother me at all but I know I’m in the minority.

Sorry, where did I say men's needs come first or that women should put up with it? OP will be hard-pressed to find a man who doesn't watch it. If you look at statistics on the subject, this is the reality of the situation. How does posting about trafficking and degradation of women actually help OP to deal with it? It's not OP who needs telling!

There's no point in trying to educate a grown man about the potential for coercion and abuse as they will be well aware of it. Apart from the fact it's not a woman's job, do people think porn users have never watched something that's made them question whether someone is actually ok? If a man is watching porn thinking everyone is having a lovely time then he's an idiot.

(shame of all shame...) they could end up single if they say anything no longer cuts it as far as I am concerned.

Nothing wrong with being single. I've been single by choice for years now because I personally can't be bothered with this sort of shite.

This is personal choice.
Some women are ok with it, many are not.

It’s ok if you’re not ok with it.

Men who watch porn don’t usually change, so make your choices and boundaries clear with him but realistically? They don’t change. Women are objects to men like this and it’s a literal addiction (because these men have watched it since childhood)

We live in a culture saturated in porn now. Men are too weak for that. I choose single, so you gotta be willing to do that if you think porn addicts are manky mutts (as I do)

I've no idea. I much rather the physical act of sex & porn dosent do much for me. Does he have a particular type / kink.
i got him to show me what he watched

Agree.

It’s an unbelievably low opinion of men and a ridiculously low bar.

There are plenty of men who understand the damage porn does both to the individual women involved and to women as a class.

It takes 20 seconds of research to see how concerning some of the most popular search terms are on the “mainstream” porn sites. Pornhub has had some truly awful cases where underage and/or non consensual videos have been uploaded.

Lots of men see how damaging this “industry” is.

Surely, OP, that’s worthy of consideration?

''@Jaehee
Just be prepared to be single for the rest of your life because you'll be hard pressed to find a man who genuinely doesn't.''

I hate this gaslighting of women who express concern about porn use and content.

No one should ignore their concerns because we are being told that 'this is just something all men do'...

It is perfectly sensible to question what porn is doing to relationship by showing an unrealistic depiction of sex that too often involves the degradation of women.

Or to question why we should be OK with the fact that many women and girls are being forced to do some of the content that is available online due to being trafficked or filmed by partners without their consent.

Telling women to just put up with it because men's needs come first or that (shame of all shame...) they could end up single if they say anything no longer cuts it as far as I am concerned.

It would be a total deal breaker for me. Men who get off watching drug addled, abused and trafficked women forced into filmed sexual activity aren’t my cup of tea.

However, that’s irrelevant as it’s your relationship, not mine.

Not to justify but only to explain (I’m male)

he might be feeling the urge, but just wants to get himself off. A comparison is sometimes you want a quickie, other times you might want a long session.

its very very unlikely to be about you, a reflection on you, or that he’s unhappy with your sex life or physical aspects. I’d put that at less than 1%, and there would be many other signs.

you may have many reasons not to like it, but I’m virtually certain it won’t be about you

This.

My line is this. I don’t find it normal, erotic or a turn on. I don’t think it’s female empowerment - the reverse

He gets his rocks off to women who may well be being abused, coerced or otherwise harmed.
That’s where I would begin the conversation.

This exactly - it tells you a lot about his attitude to women.

It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact some people just like porn.

There's no more need for it than there's a need to watch Coronation Street, it's just something some people enjoy doing.

You're perfectly entitled to hate it and to ask him to stop if that's your dealbreaker.

He's perfectly entitled to refuse if that's his dealbreaker.

But it's nothing to do with your looks, your body or anything else about you.

I think most men watch porn, and those that claim not to are probably lying to keep the peace. Before the days of the internet, men would rent out XXX videos or purchase magazines with topless women as wank fodder, and these were readily on sale in mainstream shops. It's not a new phenomenon, it just evolved with time. Many men like visual stimuli, regardless of whose body they're looking at. I'm not saying I'm agreeing that this is ok, it's merely an observation of pretty much every man I know. FWIW I have gay friends who are exactly the same when it comes to same sex porn.

Unless you had a conversation about this at the beginning of your relationship explaining that porn is a deal breaker for you, I think threatening to end the relationship is extreme if he didn't know your boundaries. But now he does know them, you can set the rules. And I really, really wouldn't take it personally that it means he's not as attracted to you as your thought. The two events are likely completely separate in his mind.