To be upset about partner watching porn?

He is probably just addicted (literally).

To suggest that we start feeling ethically or morally wrong for watching in porn is never going to happen & is frankly ridiculous.

Really? How far would you take this?
Surely you would have some boundaries over certain porn which you would consider morally wrong.

I would conclude that he doesn't give a toss about women and is happy to see them exploited for his gratification.

I don't think you're daft for being upset, especially if porn wasn't something you'd ever discussed or expected in the relationship. But I also wouldn't take it as proof that he's unhappy with you or that your sex life isn't enough. For a lot of people, porn and partnered sex are completely separate things, and the fact that he was watching it the morning after sex doesn't necessarily mean he wanted something you weren't giving him.
If you want to work through it, I'd focus less on why he watched it that particular morning and more on what porn means to each of you and whether you have different boundaries around it. You could even talk about other ways to have some private fun together, whether that's trying something new in the bedroom or even something like ^https://greatideagames.com/^ if that kind of thing appeals to you.

@amigafan2003 But surely if literally any tits will do, their partner will understandably feel considerably less special to him?

Who gives a c**p? A pair of tits is a pair of tits.

Men are visual creatures (if they weren't, lingerie wouldn't be a thing) - if they need a wank then some kind of visual stimuli can be very beneficial.

People are reading to much into it - men's use of porn rarely has anything to do with thier partner.

Also OP, having sex with him the night before is irrelevant to him wanting a wank in the morning - that's a whole 8 to 10 hrs hrs between sex - an eternity for a young virile male! Also Google morning glory erections.

Reported

I think I probably know them better than you do 😂😂

I don't think you are being very fair to him. Threatening to end the relationship is a step too extreme and quite reckless. You absolutely are ok to have an opinion on porn and if you don't like him watching it, have a calm and mature discussion. How often does he watch it? Equating having a good sex life to porn consumption is not a rational thinking pattern because the two might be unrelated. I am a woman and I occasionally watch porn, sometimes to get new ideas or just because I feel like it. Unless the porn use is infiltrating into your relationship negatively, it is only fair to have a conversation and making your stance clear.

I expect it's more indicative of them saying what you want to hear.

I don't think op's partner picked having a wank over her, he did pick her, and they have a healthy sex life. Just like your partner occasionally uses porn, he did also. I think that this is more common with men than most women realise. Like I said before, having a wank is a simple self-soothing act, men (and many women) use it differently than having full sex which is very different and involves love and emotions.

Should say, I'm not particularly against porn but I don't understand why anyone would pick a wank over actual sex, especially in a happy loving relationship. My current fella agrees (also tells me he does use porn but it's a means to an end not a preference)

I had this after id initiated sex at the morning and turned down yet caught him a couple hours later. He begged and cried etc. Yet was caught again and again. He preferred porn to me. Simple as (although would never admit it). He's an ex.

I don't want to be harsh on you, or make you feel any worse than you do already op. I understand your feelings on both sides in this, and I think it would be a horrible shame if you both fell out over it. You had a horrible shock that you weren't prepared for and had feelings you weren't expecting, it's understandable. Your partner now also feels responsible for upsetting you and also feels terrible about himself. Is there any way you can both get together and help to make each other feel better again? Literally just hugging and being kind to each other? Once you're both feeling better and more secure with each other, you can then have an honest discussion about the porn. If you're feeling insecure and hurt, it will be difficult to move forward on this, so try to work on that.

If you were planning to end the relationship based on this incident alone it suggests you have a very poor relationship with this man. Either that or you’re a complete drama queen.

I’m female!

You might be right. I should perhaps have said “there are plenty of men I know”

It’s perhaps indicative of the men I choose to have close to me.

I agree, but MN as a whole is largely very supportive of men who love porn (posters often claiming they 'love porn themselves' and all fine) and very censorious of female partners who don't like it.

I don't understand why many women on here are so determined to stick up for it, but they are.

Men could just have a wank fgs. No need for the 'visual stimulus', I know they like it but that's not the same as needing it.

"There are plenty of men who understand the damage porn does both to the individual women involved and to women as a class."

I don't think there are plenty of men who do. There are bound to be some by the law of averages but, no, men don't get the damage and they care even less. I can guarantee that most of the posters who declare their husbands recoil at the thought of porn are sadly deluded.

You made him cry? Sorry op, I actually think that you probably did overreact and should apologise. Watching porn is not like cheating, or in any way a judgement on you. The majority of men do it, for men it's a self-soothing behaviour, it's not deviant behaviour (unless the nature of the porn is, or it's done to excess). I know you feel hurt, and there are many other women who feel the same on this subject, but he absolutely wasn't trying to hurt you. Please don't make him feel shameful over this or he could turn defensive and this matter could escalate and sour into something it really didn't need to be.

Just another excuser of poor male behaviour.

First he compares abused trafficked women to cattle sociopathically stating he doesn't give a fuck about the abuse of these PEOPLE, they're just meat to him.

Then he says, well it's not going to change because men's wants are more important than women being raped.

What a charmer. Hopefully every single woman in his life including his mother realises what a misogynistic monster he is and turns their back on him.

Things can change, they do change. Society needs to start shaming porn using men for their depravity. No wonder less and less women are seeking out relationships.