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Original poster

DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

204 replies

Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 13:17

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower
DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower
OP posts:
Whippetlovely · 11/05/2025 15:52

You told the mum and I'm sure the grandma is mortified, the mum will sort it out. There's nothing else for you to do now. I don't know why your so invested. Don't allow your child to play with the child if you don't want to and that's the end of the matter.

Anthropologie · 11/05/2025 15:51

Huhuhuhu39272 · 11/05/2025 15:46

She’s learning the behaviour from somewhere, or there’s something going on because this isn’t even funny to a healthy child. Showing no empathy at that age is concerning.

You (and many people on this thread) must not have been around a lot of children haha. Kids inevitably, invariably find bums and bits funny. They also LOVE doing things they’ve seen adults do, like filming with phones, and often get off on that feeling / find it hilarious. Obviously not to say the child doesn’t need to be strongly corrected.

Anthropologie · 11/05/2025 15:47

I don’t think it’s at all off behaviour, and saying the 6 year old is “abusing” their grandma is totally crazy… I work with (very middle class) kids of a similar age and they learn to mimic adults in taking videos whenever they can get their hands on phones (which may or may not reflect problematically on us as a society - could also just be copying parents taking occasional videos of family events together). And kids always find inappropriate things like nudity and bums funny, and don’t know what is and isn’t appropriate to share with others.

Won’t comment on the drip feeding about the nasty messages sent - if true or relevant that is of course behaviour that needs correction asap

Huhuhuhu39272 · 11/05/2025 15:46

She’s learning the behaviour from somewhere, or there’s something going on because this isn’t even funny to a healthy child. Showing no empathy at that age is concerning.

Huhuhuhu39272 · 11/05/2025 15:44

There’s something weird going on in that home. Healthy six year olds don’t leave abusive messages to their friends for not being available. They don’t abuse their grandmothers either. Tf?

GabriellaMontez · 11/05/2025 15:43

TooGoodToGoto · 11/05/2025 15:24

You’ve got it all wrong, you’ve jumped on the OP for things not been said, you can’t read the actual events or ages correctly (4 year olds mentioned nowhere), so just back down.

Show quote history

I did mistakenly put 4 instead of 5 and 7. Mea culpa.

However, i would no more give a 7 year old access to whatsapp than a 4 year old.

Not least because it is a over 13 app.

Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:43

Yellowdaffodilss · 11/05/2025 15:36

I agree with others , I’m sure behind the scenes it is being taken more seriously and the mum is probably embarrassed.

It isn’t a massive thing - it is in terms of it shouldn’t be done and it could be a lot worse depending on who it’s sent to - but at that age, there is no malice or anything untoward. She’s innocent and just thinks it’s funny she has seen her grandmas bottom and has shown her friend.

It is however an example of why young children should not have access to mobile phones

Yes agree she’s only young and no malice and probably just found it funny

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 11/05/2025 15:43

GabriellaMontez · 11/05/2025 13:48

You gave your 7 old a smartphone and allowed her to use WhatsApp unsupervised.

Be grateful it wasn't worse and be more careful.

Instead of judging 4 year olds and the responses of other adults.

Show quote history

The smartphone is OPs, she allowed her DD to use it to text or call her friend. She obviously isn’t left unsupervised if OP saw the message first and DD hasn’t seen it. OP has done nothing wrong here

Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:41

Nanny0gg · 11/05/2025 15:35

I'm surprised she had the skills

Show quote history

Yes, thinking about it, Dd knows how to take photos and videos with my phone (often takes them of the dog etc) she wouldn’t know how to then send it on via different message forms I don’t think and would ask me to send to my mum and dad or daddy when he’s at work

OP posts:
Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:37

Agapornis · 11/05/2025 15:31

You should forward the voice note to the mum. Don't delete any future inappropriate voice notes like the horrible one - forward them.

You’re right, I wish I had done this at the time, any she sends like that again, I will forward

OP posts:
Yellowdaffodilss · 11/05/2025 15:36

I agree with others , I’m sure behind the scenes it is being taken more seriously and the mum is probably embarrassed.

It isn’t a massive thing - it is in terms of it shouldn’t be done and it could be a lot worse depending on who it’s sent to - but at that age, there is no malice or anything untoward. She’s innocent and just thinks it’s funny she has seen her grandmas bottom and has shown her friend.

It is however an example of why young children should not have access to mobile phones

Nanny0gg · 11/05/2025 15:35

Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 13:56

In what way? Just v naughty?

Show quote history

I'm surprised she had the skills

Blackdow · 11/05/2025 15:35

The mum is probably embarrassed, and isn’t going to discuss that with someone she doesn’t know. She, and the gran, will deal with it. She apologised for you getting the video but she doesn’t need to go into details about her child with you.

Sadworld23 · 11/05/2025 15:32

GabriellaMontez · 11/05/2025 13:48

You gave your 7 old a smartphone and allowed her to use WhatsApp unsupervised.

Be grateful it wasn't worse and be more careful.

Instead of judging 4 year olds and the responses of other adults.

Show quote history

What are you on?

Agapornis · 11/05/2025 15:31

You should forward the voice note to the mum. Don't delete any future inappropriate voice notes like the horrible one - forward them.

Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:26

Theroadt · 11/05/2025 15:18

Well you did the right thing alerting the mum. Now you need to consider whether your kids should be playing together - your comments later make it sound as though this isn’t out of character. I think fizzle out.

Yes I think so too

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 11/05/2025 15:26

Her response to OP was fine. Don't really see what else is needed.

Just googled and the minimum age to use WhatsApp is apparently 13. The children's COMBINED ages just bring them up to that. Nothing in the guidance about 'it's okay to use WhatsApp if your mum is supervising'.

So no WhatsApp, no smartphone at 7 or 5 and there shouldn't be an issue.

Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:25

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/05/2025 15:15

It’s weird that she jumped to saying “it must have been an accident” when the video clearly says the kid is filming her - and she says it’s funny in the message.

Totally fine if the mum said “thanks for letting us know, I’ll have a word! Kids eh?” But jumping to “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT” is strange.

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Yes! I thought that too

OP posts:
TooGoodToGoto · 11/05/2025 15:24

GabriellaMontez · 11/05/2025 14:12

Are you ok? What do you want here? To demonise the 5 year old?

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You’ve got it all wrong, you’ve jumped on the OP for things not been said, you can’t read the actual events or ages correctly (4 year olds mentioned nowhere), so just back down.

Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:24

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/05/2025 15:14

Nah you definitely did the right thing! The mum’s responses do come across a little defensive and strange.

Maybe the DD can do no wrong in her mum’s eyes…. Hence why she is a bit naughty?!

I would be a bit wary of this kid now especially as she seems to be in to recording things and sending them via WhatsApp. My kids have a bit of screen time but have never accessed any social media apps or WhatsApp etc. Maybe the parents and GPs let her have the phone a bit much.

Show quote history

Yes defensive, it did feel like she was being a bit defensive or something, but I’m probably reading too much into it

OP posts:
Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:21

Tandora · 11/05/2025 15:13

But what did you want her to say? You seem to think you are entitled to something else? Why? and what?

you sent her a casual message telling her about a very embarrassing incident. She sent you a casual message back thanking you for letting her know and saying she will deal with it.

Her behaviour is completely normal and appropriate.

Your sense of entitlement to some kind of insight into her shame is really weird. She’s entitled to privacy and boundaries.

Edited
Show quote history

What are you on about??? I just think her response is very casual, I tried to put it to her in a nice, casual way as normally I am not a person who sends messages to parents etc, but felt she needed to know
I just thought her response was unusual and it made me question if * I was the one being weird/over the top

OP posts:
Theroadt · 11/05/2025 15:18

Well you did the right thing alerting the mum. Now you need to consider whether your kids should be playing together - your comments later make it sound as though this isn’t out of character. I think fizzle out.

TooGoodToGoto · 11/05/2025 15:18

Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 13:52

It definitely wasn’t an accident and I feel exactly the same! No more phone, even though dd had to request to send a message and is next to me and it’s monitored by me.
We had an issue a couple of weeks ago when she sent a voice note to Dd saying awful
things to her because Dd wasn’t in (she was at a birthday party!) I deleted that and didn’t tell Dd. Her grandma apologised to me for that

Show quote history

I’d be stopping this “friendship”!

Original poster
Smellthatbbqsmell · 11/05/2025 15:16

redcord · 11/05/2025 15:09

Ok, so your message is also quite casual (just to let you know....sorry to bother you....x) .

If you want to draw a firmer line, you could message something like: Look, it's clear the girls are too young for this form of communication. Let's arrange playdates via the adults going forward'.

Yes I think as a follow up, that’s the way forward
I’ve told Dd there’s no more messaging with her and that’s that on my end

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/05/2025 15:15

Tandora · 11/05/2025 15:13

But what did you want her to say? You seem to think you are entitled to something else? Why? and what?

you sent her a casual message telling her about a very embarrassing incident. She sent you a casual message back thanking you for letting her know and saying she will deal with it.

Her behaviour is completely normal and appropriate.

Your sense of entitlement to some kind of insight into her shame is really weird. She’s entitled to privacy and boundaries.

Edited
Show quote history

It’s weird that she jumped to saying “it must have been an accident” when the video clearly says the kid is filming her - and she says it’s funny in the message.

Totally fine if the mum said “thanks for letting us know, I’ll have a word! Kids eh?” But jumping to “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT” is strange.