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Original poster

So am I the one in the wrong here?

63 replies

JustsamanthaJayne · 11/05/2025 12:48

So my 19 year old every 2 weeks ends up with 6 black bags of rubbish and junk in her and her 18 year olds room. The 19 year old sits there all weekends and holidays does nothing and won't use that time to sort this rubbish out
I always have to collect all the rubbish and separate it outside in the recycling bins
And im sick of it
She leaves dirty plates up there and I've lost countless cutlery
I asked her to go out with her dad today with my other kids as I just wanted to be in this house alone and not have to worry about dealing with her she's refused to go
She will now sit there all day waiting for me to sort her rubbish
I got told to 'shut the fuck up'
She skips her college lessons to the point they cut her bursery ( meant for travel costs to college) I've been called into several meetings at college for failing exams and coursework
She says its all my fault for ' not giving her motivation'
At what point does it stop being my fault and it's her that's now in the wrong ?
The only day I'm absolute child free Is every other Sunday for 3 hours and she couldn't at least go

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 11/05/2025 13:04

@JustsamanthaJayne maybe just me but i would take the all the bin bags and throw them in the skip! dont go through them because you will then find things that your daughter really needs. at least binning the bags might make her realise that she should be checking properly. as for the cheek and the college, sorry but she is on her own there. I dont understand why you have had to attend meetings at the college when she is an adult?

PhilippaGeorgiou · 11/05/2025 13:04

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 12:53

You're way over thinking this and making an issue out of something that really isn't an issue. No wonder your daughter is cheesed off and that's without even commenting on you trying to get her out of her own house today. Try and get some help for your own issues and I'm sure things around you will improve as a result.

Edited

Are you the 19 year old or the 18 year old?

OP - belongings on the doorstep (in bin bags), change the locks, they are both old enough to leave home. Or if you aren't that extreme yet, set of houserules, followed to the letter, or (see previous sentence) and do it.

mbosnz · 11/05/2025 13:04

She sounds very unhappy in YOUR home. So, she can find somewhere else to live. Month's notice and out. I hope she finds more happiness - elsewhere.

Springtimehere · 11/05/2025 13:03

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Springtimehere · 11/05/2025 13:00

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JustMeHello · 11/05/2025 13:00

I'm very surprised that a college is contacting the parent of a 19 year old. I work in FE and we aren't permitted to contact the parents of adults unless there is a safeguarding concern or the student has given explicit permission.

If she is genuinely making six bin bags full of rubbish every 2 weeks that's very extreme. What the hell is in there? That's a huge volume.

Raquelos · 11/05/2025 12:59

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 12:53

You're way over thinking this and making an issue out of something that really isn't an issue. No wonder your daughter is cheesed off and that's without even commenting on you trying to get her out of her own house today. Try and get some help for your own issues and I'm sure things around you will improve as a result.

Edited

I think the 19-year-old has found the thread!!😂

Nopersbro · 11/05/2025 12:59

I'm not sure how the 18yo plays into this although I'd guess they are not thrilled to be sharing a room with a rude, lazy slob. Tell the 19yo that the house rules are that each person sorts their own rubbish, recycling, etc. and takes it outside. Stop doing this for her; she does it or she finds another place to live.

This should be easy to understand if the parents and the other children are already doing it. Of course it's her fault she skips class, is an arsehole to her family members, and keeps waste in her bedroom, but there should have been effective consequences for these things before she reached the age of 18.

Original poster
JustsamanthaJayne · 11/05/2025 12:58

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 12:53

You're way over thinking this and making an issue out of something that really isn't an issue. No wonder your daughter is cheesed off and that's without even commenting on you trying to get her out of her own house today. Try and get some help for your own issues and I'm sure things around you will improve as a result.

Edited

Shocking how you think this behaviour from a 19 year old is acceptable 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
JustsamanthaJayne · 11/05/2025 12:56

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 12:53

You're way over thinking this and making an issue out of something that really isn't an issue. No wonder your daughter is cheesed off and that's without even commenting on you trying to get her out of her own house today. Try and get some help for your own issues and I'm sure things around you will improve as a result.

Edited

So would you be happy with 5 bin bags with rotten food in their room stinking the house and flys circulating not a problem and over thinking? A 19 year old doing absolutely nothing sat lazy all day is overthinking

OP posts:
Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 12:53

You're way over thinking this and making an issue out of something that really isn't an issue. No wonder your daughter is cheesed off and that's without even commenting on you trying to get her out of her own house today. Try and get some help for your own issues and I'm sure things around you will improve as a result.

BlahBlahBittyBlah · 11/05/2025 12:51

Perhaps packing her stuff and putting them out on the doorstep with an instruction to go and live somewhere else might give her some motivation.

howshouldibehave · 11/05/2025 12:50

So my 19 year old every 2 weeks ends up with 6 black bags of rubbish and junk in her and her 18 year olds room.

Who is the 18 year old?

Is it time for her to go and live somewhere else?