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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“I’m autistic and I don’t do that or have that”

62 replies

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 12:26

I hate it when autistic people with less support needs tell people with more support needs that they are making a big deal out of something. Or call out another autistic person who has more issues with communication for being rude or saying something that comes across the wrong way. I hate it when autistic people assume that every other autistic person is just like them and must behave just like them and knows what is right and wrong. It’s clear the needs aren’t the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 13:00

MrTiddlesTheCat · 11/05/2025 12:54

You're doing the same. You're hating something you're doing yourself.

Show quote history

I hate when an autistic person uses their own perspectives to invalidate mine. If they know something, they act like I also Must know and if I don’t, then I’m actually out of line intentionally. Even though the nature of autism means that I have issues with communication. And they happen to have less of those issues

OP posts:
miniaturepixieonacid · 11/05/2025 12:59

I actually think you might be being unreasonable but accept that I don't know because I'm not autistic.

A part of a lot of autistic people I know is that they think that if they know something then everyone else is aware too. Eg, I had a child leave the room without asking and when I asked him where he'd been he said the toilet. I told him he needed to let me know and he looked genuinely confused and said 'why didn't you know? I knew and you're a teacher.' Obviously in an adult that kind of thinking would be much more nuanced but I think there's still an element of it there for a lot of people.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 11/05/2025 12:54

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 12:48

That is my point. I am autistic, and I hate it when I say something wrong and then people say something along the lines of “I am autistic and I wouldn’t say anything like that or say something in that way. I know better, and therefore you knew better and will always be able to know what is correct to say in every context, and if you don’t it’s intentional”

Edited
Show quote history

You're doing the same. You're hating something you're doing yourself.

RedDeer · 11/05/2025 12:52

Autistic people tend to emphasise by talking about their own experiences on a topic. It can come across as rudeness to others. I am Autistic and have been accused of this many times before.

Original poster
BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 12:48

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 11/05/2025 12:39

But they are autistic, so they won't always be able to interact with you in the way you expect.

That is my point. I am autistic, and I hate it when I say something wrong and then people say something along the lines of “I am autistic and I wouldn’t say anything like that or say something in that way. I know better, and therefore you knew better and will always be able to know what is correct to say in every context, and if you don’t it’s intentional”

OP posts:
grapesandmelon · 11/05/2025 12:40

Finding it difficult to "put yourself in their shoes" is literally a symptom of autism so YABU.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 11/05/2025 12:39

But they are autistic, so they won't always be able to interact with you in the way you expect.

AgnesX · 11/05/2025 12:39

There's a thing where some people do the whole "oh you're more/less disabled and deserve/don't deserve x, y and z.

It's not confined to the autistic community

Pepperpotladles · 11/05/2025 12:33

Just ignore them. Honestly.
Shrug and say "Whatever".
Don't let these ignorant comments get to you.
This goes on everywhere - people criticising each other in all walks of life.
I actually think we're having a 'criticism crisis' in our society. So many people are hell bent on criticising others.
It's horrible. I see it and hear it all the time.
The world would be an easier place if we all just live and let live.

TigerRag · 11/05/2025 12:32

I don't think I've ever met an Autistic person who thinks that. NTs on the other hand...

Sirzy · 11/05/2025 12:31

When you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism.

but it’s worth remembering that due to their needs they may find it harder to understand that.

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 11/05/2025 12:28

On behalf of every single autistic person in the whole world, I apologise.

🙄