“I’m autistic and I don’t do that or have that”

It's not intentional on their part, either. You're expecting them to know that you're invalidating you, that they must know they're doing it and as they must know, they're therefore out of line intentionally. Even the though the nature of autism means that they have issues with communication.

I only put YABU because those kinds of communication problems are exactly the kind of thing people with autism are likely to get wrong. So they can understand their own situation but can’t understand yours. To be honest most people seem to struggle to see the world from other’s point of view.

Ironically acceptance of difference seems to go hand in hand with strict language rules so it’s more easy to offend people now. We need to all chill a bit and start from the assumption that people are just trying to get along and not deliberately causing offence.

I have experienced this at work from someone who is not even diagnosed - she was then shocked when I turned around and explained, that a) I too am ND, and I actually have a diagnosis

However- I do this her being so rigid about her needs and there is absolutely things she can not do - but expects everyone else to do for her (despite being able to do the tasks previously) is actually a bit of a symptom of her autism.

the problem is about communicating and she is adamant that she can not help being aggressive and shouting at people as it is her autism - yet this triggers so many other employees with other needs

shes decided and now it is so, if you understand me - still she needs to understand their is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour- aggression is not acceptable etc etc

Most autistic people I have met tend to have their point of view , gibber on about it (including me) and also nod to others points of view. I have not been completely dismissed by other autistic folk as I have been NT's . I had a woman I was volunteering with at a SEEN children's group yelling at me the other day , "Why can't you learn to drive ? What's stopping you?" She was nosy as hell and asking me loads of questions. And I am meant to be the blunt one and she is meant to be the SEEN expert. I give up sometimes.

YANBU, but it isn't just about autism. It can apply to any form of disability; to being a member of an ethnic minority; very often to having grown up in poverty; etc.. 'Well, I managed, so why can't everyone else?'

Diagnosed autistic here. Just say "well, we appear to experience things differently", then change the subject to something more benign. There's no point in being offended, we can't control how other people think and respond to us.

I kind of get what you're saying OP because it's often said by parents of autistic DC, who are not autistic themselves.

"Well my child is autistic and they cope perfectly fine!"

Or worse "We wouldn't let our autistic child get away with that".

Amen!

You're behaving in the same way as they are, you just don't see it.

I'm autistic too and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. It took me a long time to learn that lesson and I don't always get it right even now.

Perhaps it's because they are autistic

Another ASD bashing thread, how original.

I think it's apart of the condition though isn't it ? Then inability to process certain things about other people I always think the same when somebody says "my child's autistic & they don't do this/that" like yep. There's probably mild family history...

Agree with this.

I also have been irritated with people telling me that their support needs must be greater than mine because I disagree with them (when actually it’s that I find different things difficult). Competitive autisming isn’t something I find helpful (and I’m not sure many people do but I don’t want to speak for everyone)

But you’re doing the same. And how do you know they have less support needs than you?

I totally see where you are coming from: you are confronted with someone who BOTH thinks differently than you about something AND can't see that anyone thinks differently from them..

You are lucky in that you ARE able to see that people think differently from each other. Can you live with them not thinking like you? I recognise that knowing it happens isn't the same as being able to live with it but it helps.

I guess it also depends on what it is. If it's "I like lemons so everyone has to like lemons" ok then.
But if it's "I'm your boss and I think it's quick and easy to calculate pi to 100 decimal places so you must find it easy too" we might have a problem.

I have certainly used that phrase in posts but more to point out that not all autistic people are the same which is what your are saying

For example a thread saying well because he/she/I am autistic that is why xxx happens. To that I would reply well I am autistic and I don’t do that or experience that

As a diagnosed autistic person I don’t think it’s necessary for anyone to be rude. It’s entirely possible to learn how to behave politely.

I’ve always said that autism is not an excuse to be an arsehole so I don’t think there is a problem with calling people out if they are being arseholes. Different doesn’t have to mean unpleasant.

Tell them that everyone is entitled to their own perspective on things, so both need to accept that you are different.

I don’t find it helpful to engage. Just let it go. Let them be wrong. That’s ok.

There is a tendency among people generally, and perhaps even more so among people with autism, to fail to recognise their privilege- assuming that what they find easy is easy for everyone else if only they tried harder.

‘I don’t mind music in shops, you’re being over sensitive, use headphones and get over it.’

But they are autistic so by definition they probably won't grasp why you do things differently.

And since you are also autistic you can't necessarily see why they think that way.

That's theory of mind deficit. You're saying you hate it when an autistic person behaves in an autistic way.

Maybe have conversations about other things rather than how autistic you and the other person are?