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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“I’m autistic and I don’t do that or have that”

62 replies

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 12:26

I hate it when autistic people with less support needs tell people with more support needs that they are making a big deal out of something. Or call out another autistic person who has more issues with communication for being rude or saying something that comes across the wrong way. I hate it when autistic people assume that every other autistic person is just like them and must behave just like them and knows what is right and wrong. It’s clear the needs aren’t the same.

OP posts:
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ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:49

I have no idea how that posted multiple times soz

soupyspoon · 11/05/2025 16:49

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 13:07

What should I do if an another autistic person, again, invalidates my perspective with their own perspective? Because so far, they have only gotten offended and argued with me

Change the subject, talk about the weather, dont take it personally. They are emotional and social skills you need to practice and learn. If your experiences and autism is your whole identity and you are looking for validation and confirmation all the time you are going to be sorely disappointed in life.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

ohyesido · 11/05/2025 16:47

One thing I have learned about self diagnosed autism or adhd, is that the sufferer believes they are somehow the only person suffering.

soupyspoon · 11/05/2025 16:47

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 12:48

That is my point. I am autistic, and I hate it when I say something wrong and then people say something along the lines of “I am autistic and I wouldn’t say anything like that or say something in that way. I know better, and therefore you knew better and will always be able to know what is correct to say in every context, and if you don’t it’s intentional”

Edited
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Well their ND may result in them not being self aware, sensitive, not very good at tact, not very good at understanding difference or why someone does something.

Or they could just be an arsehole.

People with disabilities can be just has horrible as people without disabilities.

Jen579 · 11/05/2025 16:44

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 13:00

I hate when an autistic person uses their own perspectives to invalidate mine. If they know something, they act like I also Must know and if I don’t, then I’m actually out of line intentionally. Even though the nature of autism means that I have issues with communication. And they happen to have less of those issues

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Maybe they actually have more issues than you think? They sound unable to put themselves in your shoes or understand why you are different to them - not unusual with ASD surely?

ginasevern · 11/05/2025 16:05

Isn't this human nature to a degree though. There are plenty of confrontational NT people around ready to impose their views/superiority on other NT's. I mean, an extrovert NT person is just as likely to rip the piss out of an introverted NT for example. Or mock someone who isn't good at (French, baking, IT, fashion - whatever). Human beings can be shitty.

faerietales · 11/05/2025 16:05

blubbyblub · 11/05/2025 15:43

Autistic people might think something. But they don’t have to go around telling people that their version of autism is wrong. Most autistic people are quite capable of shutting up

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Autism, by its' very definition, is a disorder that means you have an issue with communication. It's very normal for them to get it wrong and not shut up when they should (says she who is autistic and still hasn't learned when to pack it in).

JLou08 · 11/05/2025 16:04

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 12:48

That is my point. I am autistic, and I hate it when I say something wrong and then people say something along the lines of “I am autistic and I wouldn’t say anything like that or say something in that way. I know better, and therefore you knew better and will always be able to know what is correct to say in every context, and if you don’t it’s intentional”

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Are they actually diagnosed autistic or just saying that they are to justify them telling you what you should and shouldn't do?

Away2000 · 11/05/2025 16:02

I haven’t encountered that. It’s normally someone saying something like my nephew/ random kid I know doesn’t do that/have issues with that.

Sera1989 · 11/05/2025 16:00

Who are these people that you're hanging out with? They sound a bit annoying and invalidating - could you hang out with other people instead? Or else say something like "well it's good for you that you don't need XX/don't have a problem with XX, but I do. I'm sure there are things you struggle with that I don't" and then move the conversation on to something else

TigerRag · 11/05/2025 15:50

ToWhitToWhoo · 11/05/2025 13:58

YANBU, but it isn't just about autism. It can apply to any form of disability; to being a member of an ethnic minority; very often to having grown up in poverty; etc.. 'Well, I managed, so why can't everyone else?'

Exactly. I had a "friend" with one of the disabilities I have. She couldn't understand why I was struggling with something she manages perfectly well. Because of my other disabilities, I struggle with things she doesn't which she can't grasp

Easipeelerie · 11/05/2025 15:49

I think, unfortunately, you will encounter this and there’s little you can do about it. As you know, autistic people can be very direct, rigid and very focused on their own perspective (though not always), so it shouldn’t be a surprise.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 11/05/2025 15:46

blubbyblub · 11/05/2025 15:43

Autistic people might think something. But they don’t have to go around telling people that their version of autism is wrong. Most autistic people are quite capable of shutting up

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That goes for the OP too.

blubbyblub · 11/05/2025 15:43

MrTiddlesTheCat · 11/05/2025 13:05

That's theory of mind deficit. You're saying you hate it when an autistic person behaves in an autistic way.

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Autistic people might think something. But they don’t have to go around telling people that their version of autism is wrong. Most autistic people are quite capable of shutting up

Serencwtch · 11/05/2025 15:42

But here you are, an autistic person calling out other autistic people for not understanding or getting something wrong.

A lot of autistic people lack insight into their difficulties and lack self awareness when they say/do the wrong thing.

How about showing some understanding of that yourself. You can't dictate how other people see things, you can only influence your own behaviour & how you react to things.

FlowerSkirt · 11/05/2025 15:38

TigerRag · 11/05/2025 12:32

I don't think I've ever met an Autistic person who thinks that. NTs on the other hand...

Not all NTs think alike…

ASimpleLampoon · 11/05/2025 15:36

BeGentleTraybake · 11/05/2025 13:07

What should I do if an another autistic person, again, invalidates my perspective with their own perspective? Because so far, they have only gotten offended and argued with me

Say "and if my grandmother had wheels she'd be a bicycles " in a strong Italian accent.

I heard Gimp D aCampo say it once and now I say it to disagree with anything.

ButteredRadish · 11/05/2025 15:35

Great, another Autism-bashing thread. Ffs. Always on a weekend

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