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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL trying on my engagement ring

290 replies

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:38

Strained relationship. Recently got engaged. I took the engagement ring off for a second since I was doing gardening, came back to find MIL wearing my ring saying how pretty it is. She had been going on about how much she liked it before but to put it on without my permission seems invasive.

She wore it and put it to the light to see the diamond sparkle and commented on how nice it looked.

Aibu about being annoyed from this? Maybe my rocky relationship with her is skewering this for me. My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

OP posts:
Waterbaby41 · 11/05/2025 11:29

She's not your MIL and won't be till/if you marry. Put your energy into making this relationship work not this nonsense.

FridayNight1975 · 11/05/2025 11:29

but you don’t know if someone with bad vibes tried it on at the jewellers before you.

Calmdownpeople · 11/05/2025 11:28

GlidingSquirrels · 11/05/2025 11:25

Surely by this logic your partner is far more tainted from having grown inside her for 9 months? I'm sure a ring sitting on her finger for a minute won't do anything to it 😂

OMG best response ever.

Calmdownpeople · 11/05/2025 11:28

Holy cow. This actually takes the cake. So just to be clear.

  1. Your MIL was being positive and admiring your ring which you took off and left (by itself) in the house.
  2. You reacted negatively based on your feelings of your relationships.

You took your ring off so it’s not like it’s cemented to you.

Geez OP get a grip. It’s a ring. An object. It isn’t living. She didn’t harm it.

This is a measure over reaction - tainted - are you for real?

You are in for a seriously rough road through wedding, marriage and children if this is your complete overreaction to something so ridiculous. You sound like seriously hard work.

holliway · 11/05/2025 11:27

Would you feel the same way if your own mother had tried it on and complimented its beauty?

LoveWine123 · 11/05/2025 11:27

BelfastBard · 11/05/2025 11:23

This wouldn’t really bother me. If I walked in and she was trying on my bra, maybe. But a ring? No.

I just had visions of my MIL trying on my bra 🤣🤣🤣

thepariscrimefiles · 11/05/2025 11:26

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:52

@WimpoleHat I guess my thoughts are if our was relationship good then it would have been harmless. But we aren't really like that. So I've taken it as another act of over stepping rather than oh she must just really like it.

Personally even if I liked someone's engagement/wedding ring I would never think to put it on my own finger! But maybes that's just me...

Edited

She was rude and entitled to try on your engagement ring without asking. It seems quite a provocative thing to do. It sounds as though this is just the tip of the iceberg with your MIL's behaviour towards you. Is your DH supportive or does he take his mum's side?

GlidingSquirrels · 11/05/2025 11:25

Surely by this logic your partner is far more tainted from having grown inside her for 9 months? I'm sure a ring sitting on her finger for a minute won't do anything to it 😂

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/05/2025 11:24

She is an over-stepping CF. I would be really pissed off with that too op. However you know she is like this and won’t change so it’s just one of the joys of dealing with irritating relatives of loved ones, lol. And don’t leave your ring lying around again!

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 11:23

@Hankunamatata the difference being those were your FRIENDS

OP posts:
BelfastBard · 11/05/2025 11:23

This wouldn’t really bother me. If I walked in and she was trying on my bra, maybe. But a ring? No.

legsekeven · 11/05/2025 11:22

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:58

@GRex 🤣 I will try that and the dishwasher idea!

As I said, if it were someone who I am very close and have a good relationship it wouldnt really be an issue I guess?

But me and MIL aren't that close.

I imagine likening it to if you had a colleague at work that you are civil with since you see most the time and have lots in common, but has been mean to you and you dislike. If you found them trying on your engagement ring would you be happy? How would you interpret that? Just an innocent try on or done to get to you?

100% genuinely would not bother me. It’s a piece of jewellery. There are enough things in life to get upset about without creating problems.

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2025 11:22

I think your looking for negativity that isn't there.

Doggielove2 · 11/05/2025 11:22

Onering · 11/05/2025 11:17

@Doggielove2 there is definitely something to be said about the Frued thing. Mil has a very very close relationship with dp and is very over protective of him. He is her baby still.

Ah interesting - yes they are the man they can never have!! Made worse if their Real husband relationship isn’t good

i wonder if to you this all about her over stepping and doing it with an object that is probably symbolic to you as sacred about you two alone - a union of you two - WITHOUT HER and somehow do you feel she was trying to “get in on it”? Make a statement?

someone pushing boundaries about them imposing their needs on us

like people have said you can heal it but part of that is it’s ok to feel the pain first

Shatteredallthetimelately · 11/05/2025 11:22

I'd be more pissed off if she tried on the wedding ring too.

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2025 11:21

A few of my friends and relations tried on my engagement ring. It's not a big deal. People will have tried your ring on before your df brought it

MzHz · 11/05/2025 11:21

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:41

@Upsetbetty I believe in bad karma/energy. So if someone I have had bad times with tries on something that is of high significance to me, I then feel it's got negative connotations.

Good god you will have a hard life ahead if you go round hoovering up bullshit like this.

don’t be daft, it’s a thing. It’s a ring. I’ve given mine for people to see/put on etc,

she likes it, she admires it, that’s it. It means NOTHING about you.

Dahliasrule · 11/05/2025 11:21

I don’t think I could get worked up about this. She complimented you on the ring, perhaps she was trying to find a connection with you.

Icepop79 · 11/05/2025 11:19

Weird as hell to try someone else’s jewellery on without asking them. Your soon to be MIL was completely out of order doing that.

You're entitled to feel the ring is tainted. In your position with your strength of feelings on it, I think would probably pay to have it professionally cleaned. Otherwise I think you’ll always feel that you can feel her touch lingering on it.

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 11:19

@DT77 Ah yes. This right here, this tiny snippet of my life is exactly why I have issues with someone. This act right here defines my entire personality and now you know me like the back of your hand! Very wise of you DT77

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 11/05/2025 11:19

You are being a bit woo but I wouldn't like that she tried it on without asking. I would have asked her what the fuck she thought she was doing. If that upset her tough shit.

Lovingthehamsterwheel · 11/05/2025 11:18

Have you seen Lord of the Rings? Suggest watching it and thinking about if your behaviour over the ring is similar to gollum 😂

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 11:18

@LoveWine123 okay!

OP posts:
DT77 · 11/05/2025 11:17

You are being overly dramatic and I feel this is really about your relationship with your MIL and not her trying on your ring.

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 11:17

@Doggielove2 there is definitely something to be said about the Frued thing. Mil has a very very close relationship with dp and is very over protective of him. He is her baby still.

OP posts: