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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL trying on my engagement ring

290 replies

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:38

Strained relationship. Recently got engaged. I took the engagement ring off for a second since I was doing gardening, came back to find MIL wearing my ring saying how pretty it is. She had been going on about how much she liked it before but to put it on without my permission seems invasive.

She wore it and put it to the light to see the diamond sparkle and commented on how nice it looked.

Aibu about being annoyed from this? Maybe my rocky relationship with her is skewering this for me. My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

OP posts:
tygertygers · 11/05/2025 10:47

The “negative energy” thing is just your perception. No person has the power to imbue a ring with energy. And karma isn’t a thing either.

FabuIous · 11/05/2025 10:47

It does feel invasive to try it on without asking and when you weren’t there. I think you need to move on from it though.

Another time, you’re probably better to keep it on. If it’s gold/platinum/silver and diamond/other precious or semi precious stone then you’re more likely to lose it than damage it. Different if it’s pearl or opal.

FiveShelties · 11/05/2025 10:47

She loved your ring and you are not happy? Wait while she does not like something.🤔

Pointynoseowner · 11/05/2025 10:45

Your being ridiculous

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 10:45

@Upsetbetty because I know my personal feelings could be affecting my perspective on this. Just interested to see others. Of course that doesn't mean I can control my feelings or change it, but I can try to rationalise with myself if it's clearly a me problem.

OP posts:
Misshollys · 11/05/2025 10:44

Please don't let this take away from the lovely feelings you have about your engagement, 💕💍

Pancakeflipper · 11/05/2025 10:44

Abit OTT but it's obviously connected to how you feel about your MIL. Give the ring a wash to remove "negative energy" and forget about it.

WimpoleHat · 11/05/2025 10:44

My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

Kindly - I do think that’s a bit OTT. Someone else will most likely have tried on the ring in the shop before you etc etc. I’ve generally known people to ask “ooh - can I try on your ring?” and it’s arguably a little cheeky not to have asked you - but I don’t think it’s a big deal. She was admiring it, basically. I think you’re making more out of it than you should.

TeenToTwenties · 11/05/2025 10:44

The love from your fiance is far too powerful for it to be diluted by your MIL trying on the ring for a short time. Any taint will be swept aside by the love you have for each other.

Does that help?

Upsetbetty · 11/05/2025 10:43

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:41

@Upsetbetty I believe in bad karma/energy. So if someone I have had bad times with tries on something that is of high significance to me, I then feel it's got negative connotations.

Ok well your mind is made up so why are you asking if YABU?

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 10:43

@Ddakji thanks. I just think it's another classic example of MIL being overbearing and taking control. She is like this with me and our DC. Very imposing and lots of issues with crossing boundaries. I kind of saw it as a slight and statement like 'oh I can do this without asking your permission and I know that'.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 11/05/2025 10:42

I think your relationship with your MIL is clouding this for you. I agree it’s an odd thing to do, but to allow yourself to feel that this ring, which the person you love bought for you as a sign of his or her love for you, is now tainted is completely in your power to feel or not feel. I would go with not feeling that.

Congratulations on your engagement.

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 10:41

@Upsetbetty I believe in bad karma/energy. So if someone I have had bad times with tries on something that is of high significance to me, I then feel it's got negative connotations.

OP posts:
Upsetbetty · 11/05/2025 10:40

YANBU to be annoyed that she just went and tried it without asking…YABU and weird to say it’s “tainted”

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 11/05/2025 10:40

I think it’s fine to find this irritating (I would if I didn’t like her) but a little over dramatic to say the ring is now tainted.