MIL trying on my engagement ring

I think it's rude to try on anyone's precious jewellery without asking if it's OK. So in that respect, she was in the wrong.

I think your reaction is a bit OTT, but I can understand where it's coming from if she is overbearing/interfering in other areas.

But it's not tainted.

I'm not trying to blow up my relationship with mil or make a mountain out of a molehill. Im trying to heal it for everyone's sake.

Which part of your original post is the healing part? I must have missed it.

Please get over yourself. If this is what you are like no wonder you have a strained relationship. Your poor MIL.

She isn't your "MIL". You are not yet married and if you continue with this type of precious behaviour you won't be. It is a ring, a bauble, something pretty. Grow up.

Complete non issue.

I wouldn't either

At best it's rude at worst it's invasive

I maybe slightly miffed for a second, then I would forget about it.
Are you really going to let this be an issue in your life that someone tries on a ring for 30 seconds?
It is basically some metal and a stone from the ground.

🙄

I think you need to get over yourself.... I mean I wouldn't rush to put on someone else's ring without asking to try it on or whatever but some people just don't think. I wouldn't be bothered. I'd just say yes, it's beautiful, can I have it back please? I think the bigger issue is that you feel so negatively about your future MIL who seems like she will be a part of your life...

Ah I’m glad. I understand because I had a bad relationship with my mother and I felt she could taint my life. Used those words and I’ve heard others use it the same way. I do get it. That went away with lots of therapy but your feelings are there for a reason - they are telling you she isn’t a safe person for you.

my friend just got engaged and I wouldn’t dream of asking to try on her ring. I think that’s why it smacks because you weren’t there and she just did it

I love some of the ritual ideas here..full moon Monday! 🌑 go for it!!!

with the Freud thing is it like she’s saying “he’s my man too”
or something - that’s what I would think. a little dream about the man she can never have and she’s losing! (Fantasies)

I think all the people on her saying get over it are coming from a perspective of being sure in themselves on this issue - it’s ok not to be over some things. We are all different

When I got engaged it was common for people to ask to try on the ring (which I wasn’t that keen on, but hey ho not a huge deal) . It was a good luck thing and an admiration thing, so it may be she’s just from an older generation… also perhaps wasn’t sure about asking you so waited until you weren’t wearing it anyway. So I would find it mildly annoying but not worth blowing up the relationship for.

Instead of thinking she’s contaminated your ring, why not see it the other way—your ring has such powerful good karma that it will have affected her rather than vice-versa. Perhaps by trying on the ring her son’s love for you will have affected her attitude to you instead?

Nothing can affect you unless you allow it to: take control of the narrative (and don’t leave your ring lying around again)!

Congratulations on your engagement. When I had to deal with a tricky MIL I pretended that everything she did came from a place of deep love, so consciously tried to react that way. It was really helpful and drove her crazy in the early days when she failed to wind me up… but she actually admitted that it helped to change her attitude towards me because she saw me as really secure, and ended up confiding in me about some of the things her own MIL had done to her which genuinely brought us closer.

My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

I was a bit ‘Meh but whatevs’ until I reached this point. You are definitely being OTT.

I sense choppy waters ahead for you, the MiL and the poor sap stuck in between you.

I’m sorry OP but you’re being very unfair on your MIL here. It’s really a non event. You are choosing to overlay everything else onto it.

Yes, burn sage to remove the negative energy. Look it up. In future only take it off in your bedroom and put it away there so she won't get to handle it.

I bet you won't because most people having their own mum referred to in this way would show you the door.

Are the children his? If so, and you have only "recently" got engaged, maybe his mum thinks it is-to all intents and purposes-only a dress ring.

Has a date been booked because, if not, I think I would tend to think the same!

i missed that post @Onering, I still think YABU. But as others said done sage might sort it…or her 🤣

I guess it’s a little invasive, but in the nicest possible way OP, I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

My husband and I both have "secondhand" wedding rings. I actually like the fact that they might have a previous story but otherwise it never crosses my mind. They are our rings. We've been married for 26 years and counting so I think that they were lucky!

Maybe the lovely energy from your ring will have a good effect on MIL 🥰