To veto a double-barrelled first name

Considering how much more inclusive the top universities are trying to be you'd be better off double-barrelled than many other names.

You're in a relationship, so if you don't like it, you're entitled to have your opinion heard, as is she.

Personally I don't like double barrelled first names. It always seems to be the same names chosen as the second bit. I teach a class where I have 5 double barrelled first names. Two of them X-Rose, and three X-May (or Mae or Mai).

(Obviously X being the first bit of the name which is different).

It's just a bit samey.

Agreed. The baby will have two parents.

Or they consistently feel the pregnant party is the main parent and the other should play as assisting role to the CEO. It isn't like these attitudes aren't present when a man is the other parent. They are. I find it comforting that there is consistency (even though i still disagree) and that it isn't about sex.

Yes, exactly.

You are completely denigrating and minimising OP's relationship to the baby. You talk about how awful some people are for being prejudiced about certain names if they denote a lower social class, but you are being equally awful about OP's connection to her unborn child. If they both go on the birth certificate, OP will have equal rights to the child. You seem prejudiced against same sex couples.

How does that work when a wealthy celeb from a WC background calls their kids Tilly-Leigh?

Mainly the underprivileged white children at our primary school have double barrelled names. The children from wealthier backgrounds tend to have one name. The teachers and children never call these kids by their 2 first names, it's always the first name.

This is what i said in another thread. You can't insist that you need to do all the bonding and the majority of the care and then expect your co-psrent to magically step up and parent a 2 year old well.

i think this is exactly what middle names are for. Then what you actually call her on a day to day basis is up to you.

My now adult daughter has a name, let’s say Sally, middle name May. From day one my parents insisted on calling her Sally May, I have never done this ever, nor has my husbands family but my whole family have done for the past 25 years and it just shits me but she now goes by Sally May !! So yeah, have a first and a middle and let it be a nick name and hope it doesn’t last forever 😣

I'm sure lots of heterosexual mums do consider themselves to be the main parent, but I don't personally agree with that.

Re breast vs bottle.... that obviously has to be the mum's choice because it involves her body. Same for decisions around the birth, where she wants it to happen and how much pain relief she wants etc.

But stuff like the baby's name and how to raise them should be joint decisions imo. But then, I expected DH to step up and pull his weight as an equal parent so I didn't think it was appropriate to appoint myself as the one in charge. If you want the other parent to take a back seat and have less responsibility overall, then I guess it's fine for you to call all of the shots.

As for the name thing... the OP has suggested an alternative, which is to use the second half of the double barrelled name as a middle name. Seems fair enough to me.

It doesn’t hold you back but it’s a pain for the child as with anything uncommon

Personally agree with you wife that you are a classist snob.

Only on MN are double barrelled first names considered something to be ashamed of.

My dd is double barrelled and there were 3 other children in her year group of 22 at primary who also had double barrelled. Never bullied, never considered less of a person.

A friend of mine with a double barrelled first name is the MD of an incredibly successful business.

Your issue isn't the double barrelled name. It is the fact that neither of you can communicate or compromise.

I pity the poor child and not because of the name!

Of the name is double barrelled but you plan on just using the first name it may not be worth the worry.

Personally I wouldnt use a double barrels first name but I know many children who have them and it’s not been a problem nor have I judged.

Ah that's tough, I wouldn't judge anyone else for a double barrelled first name but I wouldn't choose one myself.

You both need to agree at the end of the day - I didn't veto any of my husband's choices just because I was the one pregnant.

Who are these others? They sound like scum. Maybe find better people to be around you before the baby arrives.

Do you not think it’s normal in a hetro parenting couple for lots of parenting decisions in the early days to be trumped by the mam because she has the hormones/intuition/connection? For example - whether to do breast or bottle, when to put baby on a feeding routine, how to do naps etc. I’m not saying the name thing is fair - it’s not- in my opinion both parents get an equal veto, but if you veto you have to suggest another you’d be happy with. OP can just say she’d veto all double barrelled names. My husband vetoed all Gaelic boys names.

Lots of heterosexual mums feel this way and are supported in those beliefs by other women. Carrying the baby gives you more rights than simply providing the sperm. So if you only provided the egg, then you're essentially in the same boat as dad's. If you didn't even provide that...

Her grandmother was never called ‘Peggy Sue’, just Sue , so you could go for the full hyphenated first name but just use the ‘Ellie’ part in every day and ‘known as ‘ Sue?

Will the baby have your surnames hyphenated? A hyphenated first name and surname will look like Morse code.

But there seem to be other issues at play. Have you got female couple friends who are parents who can talk about dual motherhood and the respective feelings of each parent?

Between the two of you are differences of opinion usually dealt with by ultimatum / veto / who claims most ‘right’, or do you work through to consensus?

Divert from baby name discussion for a bit and focus on how you make decisions and how you will parent together?

If I was from a background where those types of names were popular, and my partner talked about how tacky they were, I'd be rethinking the relationship. Not only are you prejudiced, you're prejudiced against people like me. There's no coming back from that.

Equally, if I see nothing wrong with those types of names or people from that type of background, and you do, it's still a major incompatibility. I'd be horrified to discover this when we have a baby on the way.