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Original poster

Is sending me money a red flag?

387 replies

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 08:52

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 12/05/2025 08:05

You’re not jokingly asking him for money, you are outright asking him for money as you very well know. Stop all the faux naivety, you sound ridiculous.

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 12/05/2025 07:55

PunxsutawneyPhilsShadow · 11/05/2025 08:56

This is so strange, you're both red flagging one another.

This in spades. You’re definitely a red flag. He might be. Might be pity from him to you (I’d hate that but you probably don’t as you “jokingly” ask people you don’t know well for money). Or he might have a saviour complex which isn’t healthy.

caramac04 · 12/05/2025 07:54

You don’t sound very nice OP

LookingAtMyBhunas · 12/05/2025 07:52

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money

So your OP doesn't make any sense. You'd already received money from him, which by your post should have been the time for you to feel weird and send it back, but you didn't, you made a weird joke and he sent more.

🎼YEAH SHE A TRIFLIN', FRIEND INDEED🎼

RealPearlDuck · 12/05/2025 07:46

40andlovelife · 11/05/2025 08:59

There a show on Netflix called love rats. It’s about how con artists manage to gain confidence of their victims. Appearing generous can be a tactic. If he starts to ask you for money further down the line, be careful.

Or he might just be very generous.

Also the documentary "Tinder Swindler", appearing generous was a tactic to impress one woman and the money funding this generosity actually came from another woman!

Petuniaspetal · 12/05/2025 07:38

This is a scammer. Delete delete delete.

AgentJohnson · 12/05/2025 07:13

Has it occurred to you that your ‘jokes’ aren’t landing with him and knowing that he takes your ‘jokes’ literally, you still keep making them. You OP are a class act, typical CF move by suggesting that the CF is the victim.

GarlicPile · 12/05/2025 07:13

justasking111 · 11/05/2025 13:09

He needs your name, address, to set up credit cards, loans etc. in your name. 🙄

Don't know why only two of us have thought of this!

GarlicPile · 12/05/2025 07:05

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 09:56

He also has asked me multiple times while on the phone with him, who I was texting ? Apparently he can he hear my nails typing ??

Yeah, that's a big, waving red flag with flashing red lights! Avoid, avoid, avoid. He is/will be weird, suspicious and extremely controlling.

I agree he's being weird about your new apartment as well.

I didn't think the money thing was a big deal on its own. Some men take pride in being generous; hell, it's even a fetish for some of them (look up 'money pig').
BUT, coupled with his rapidly emerging stalkerish, controlling tendencies, it's reasonable to assume he expects to buy you - as in, really buy you and every aspect of your life.

Nope.

RawBloomers · 12/05/2025 06:31

CalicoPusscat · 12/05/2025 06:06

You can send money via mobile phone on PayPal? I never knew.

OP you need some better more ethical 'jokes'

Show quote history

You can in the US, which I assume is OP’s country from her language. Directly transferring using bank details is unusual.

Pretty sure I’ve done it in UK too, but couldn’t swear to it.

MyDeftDuck · 12/05/2025 06:18

KitsyWitsy · 11/05/2025 08:56

How does he have your details?

This.
You have obviously given him your bank details for him to be able to transfer the money………why would you need to do that when you have only been communicating for one month. TBH, you both sound to be very suspicious characters……..even good friends that I have known for decades do not know my bank details!

CalicoPusscat · 12/05/2025 06:06

RawBloomers · 11/05/2025 23:22

Paypal, Zelle and several other apps don't need bank details, just email address or phone number, which he presumably has.

Show quote history

You can send money via mobile phone on PayPal? I never knew.

OP you need some better more ethical 'jokes'

miraxxx · 12/05/2025 05:36

RawBloomers · 11/05/2025 23:22

Paypal, Zelle and several other apps don't need bank details, just email address or phone number, which he presumably has.

Show quote history

By the same token, OP can return the money.

miraxxx · 12/05/2025 05:35

Both OP and the man she is getting money from are massive red flags but OP at least has enough of a self-preservative instinct to figure out that she has more to lose if she lets this man further into her life.

miraxxx · 12/05/2025 05:32

Emonade · 11/05/2025 11:12

Google findom!

Show quote history

Yikes, I googled Findom and you asking a young woman to enter a sex slavery situation for money is very, very dodgy.

TatteredAndTorn · 12/05/2025 03:41

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 09:34

You guys I sent the money back and he wouldn’t take it….. he sent me the money through cash app not a bank this isn’t the 70s we’re 24

he just got out of a 4 year relationship 2 months ago ….

You think you could send money via internet banking in the 70s?!?! lol.

caringcarer · 11/05/2025 23:53

This man sounds vulnerable, and you keep asking him for money.

TwistedWonder · 11/05/2025 23:31

Wonderberry · 11/05/2025 22:50

Then how would he be able to send money ?!

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Think the OP is in the US not UK as she’s mentioned something called Cash App which I’ve previously heard of watching Catfish - which seems appropriate here.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 11/05/2025 23:27

What a hilarious joke. Not.
Greedy guts.
You get nothing for nothing, prepare for the consequences.

RawBloomers · 11/05/2025 23:22

Wonderberry · 11/05/2025 22:50

Then how would he be able to send money ?!

Show quote history

Paypal, Zelle and several other apps don't need bank details, just email address or phone number, which he presumably has.

Wonderberry · 11/05/2025 22:50

Stripeyanddotty · 11/05/2025 12:41

@Wonderberry
She didn’t send him her bank details.

Then how would he be able to send money ?!

Elsvieta · 11/05/2025 22:44

A "joke" in which you included your bank details?

Sweetpea333 · 11/05/2025 15:32

You want to know how far you can rinse your paypig before you have to 'do' anything. Grotesque.

Finteq · 11/05/2025 15:00

PinkiOcelot · 11/05/2025 11:09

OP, delete his number and block him. The more you say about him are red flags. Him saying he isn’t a stalker etc, certainly looks like he is.

Its giving
"I'm not a murderer, honest..."

vibes.

Finteq · 11/05/2025 14:54

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 09:56

He also has asked me multiple times while on the phone with him, who I was texting ? Apparently he can he hear my nails typing ??

OMG this is just weird.

Alarm bells should be ringing.

Seriously I think you should get rid. He seems quite intense for the amount of time you have known him and doesn't seem to have boundaries.

For your own safety I'd get rid.