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Original poster

Is sending me money a red flag?

387 replies

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 08:52

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

OP posts:
Isabellivi · 12/05/2025 18:33

No it’s a red flag that you are asking a man for money you have never met. Send the money back if it’s a “joke”. It’s not a joke.

I am guessing he is a lot older and/or not attractive. This is only a red flag for a guy who is lonely and wants to keep your interest. Its also very likely he comes from another culture where this shameless behavior is expected from women (Asia, Russia and former UsSR this normal to get the many to pay for as much as they can, but in my culture it’s extremely low class)

Butchyrestingface · 12/05/2025 18:30

Laura95167 · 12/05/2025 18:26

You jokingly asked for money... but also jokingly gave your bank details?

Not sure HE is the red flag

REPEATEDLY 'jokingly' asked for money. Even after the first time, when he sent her some and then refused to accept it back.

⛳️⛳️⛳️

PeppyTealDuck · 12/05/2025 18:26

Many a scam starts by someone sendi g you a small amount of money to gain teust, or simply get your bank details and address to steal your identity.

BlueFlowers5 · 12/05/2025 18:26

He is testing you out maybe?

Laura95167 · 12/05/2025 18:26

You jokingly asked for money... but also jokingly gave your bank details?

Not sure HE is the red flag

Ladyymuck · 12/05/2025 18:23

like others said you are the red flag and I would advise he stays away from anyone who asks him for money

ilovemyhamster · 12/05/2025 18:21

You don't sound very nice. Send him the money back and apologise

Whatthebarnacles · 12/05/2025 18:21

Yeah, you're weird.

Doubledenim305 · 12/05/2025 18:20

babystarsandmoon · 11/05/2025 08:58

You happily gave him your bank details. Be very mindful that he may insist you pay him back in other ways.

Spot on. Id be concerned he was racking up 'you owe me' credit....to be cashed in later.
You shouldn't be asking him for money. I don't like taking from guys because I absolutely don't want to be in their debt.

TheTester2 · 12/05/2025 18:20

I think you both deserve a big 🚩 each

2025willbemytime · 12/05/2025 18:19

It's time you grew up @Kenyaparks .

DuckPuddledJemima · 12/05/2025 18:18

You are the reg flag his friends should be warning him about. Stop asking and then pretending it's a joke. You're a money grabber. Own it

MoonWoman69 · 12/05/2025 18:15

Gold digging behaviour! "Joking" my arse!
Well it seems you've opened a can of worms, you're asking him for money, he's already controlling you and you haven't even physically met! Sounds like you deserve each other to be fair!
I think you're too young to have a serious relationship, work on your self respect first!

oggie679 · 12/05/2025 18:09

You're a red flag with these "jokes" you're saying to him.

macaroniandcheeze · 12/05/2025 18:03

40andlovelife · 11/05/2025 08:59

There a show on Netflix called love rats. It’s about how con artists manage to gain confidence of their victims. Appearing generous can be a tactic. If he starts to ask you for money further down the line, be careful.

Or he might just be very generous.

Yes this! They start by sending you money so you think they’re rich then something happens that means they need you to send them money… and the requests for money never end. Red flag!

menopausalfart · 12/05/2025 18:00

Already controlling how you should communicate with your mum?
Run.

Braygirlnow · 12/05/2025 17:58

IttyBittyLittleKitty · 11/05/2025 10:03

How did he have your details to send you money on a cash app? And why did you accept it?

It's a online money transfer like revolut...you just need email or phone number.

HellsBalls · 12/05/2025 17:56

The moment someone I’ve never met asks me for money, they are getting fucked off out of it.

Sending money is usually the start of a scam. They will bait you with small amounts, then send $1000 ‘by mistake’ and ask for $800 back.
You send the 800, the 1,000 gets reversed and you are 800 out of pocket.
Go to Reddit and peruse r/scams

CleaningAngel · 12/05/2025 17:54

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 08:52

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

What's 'coffee' money

BlossomMoon · 12/05/2025 17:53

It sounds like this has scamming connotations at play.

pipthomson · 12/05/2025 17:51

Maybe he places less value on physical items
need to work out if this ‘gels’ with your own value system
if you have totally different priorities it could make things difficult for any kind of commitment

laraitopbanana · 12/05/2025 17:49

Namechangeforthis88 · 11/05/2025 08:55

The red flag is you keep asking for money.

Honestly that…

you can’t be “joking” if he ends up sending you what you were joking about. First time…erm…but three times…

If I were him, I would be wary of you and your jokes. On your side, yeah I suppose if you aren’t looking to be a damoiselle in need to be saved…just go and find someone else…

Bwitched1 · 12/05/2025 17:48

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 08:52

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

You clearly aren't joking as he has your details. I'd say you are the one giving red flag vibes

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/05/2025 08:29

He comes across as vulnerable and you come across as a grabby creep.

Naunet · 12/05/2025 08:25

You guys I sent the money back and he wouldn’t take it….. he sent me the money through cash app

What app are you using that doesn't need you to send any details to him in order for him to send you money, which it seems you weren't asked to accept, but it does ask him to accept when you return it?
What a load of bollocks.

All the other stuff is an obvious red flag. Clearly you don't give your address out to randoms on the internet, or strange men you meet in parks who ask if you want to see some puppies.