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Original poster

Is sending me money a red flag?

387 replies

Kenyaparks · 11/05/2025 08:52

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

OP posts:
croydon15 · 12/05/2025 19:53

Namechangeforthis88 · 11/05/2025 08:55

The red flag is you keep asking for money.

This, you should not be asking a stranger for money even joking

BigHeadBertha · 12/05/2025 19:52

It sounds to me like you're getting anxious about things he says or does and possibly reading them wrong, because just don't know him very well yet.

You are right to be cautious but how about putting some solid steps into place to safely get to know him instead of making too much out of him sending you coffee money (after you actually asked him for it) or hanging up on him because he asked you a basic question that could have really been meant to be quite neutral? Remember, there's a whole lot missing when you don't know someone well and also when you can't see their facial expressions and so on.

I suggest figuring out a way to meet him with a friend or relative present or at least in a public place.

And just tell him you were only joking about the coffee money. Also, you should proably stop texting others when you're talking with him. It sounds to me like he's dropping polite hints that he finds it rude. I would find it rude, too. When you're talking to him, give him your full attention, unless there's a good reason not to, and then make the interruption quick. Good luck with him.

miss79guided · 12/05/2025 19:42

Is sending me money a red flag?
> No sending you money IS Guinness - you just have to go to the store to get it

Is sending me money a red flag?
WhySoSeriousSeriously · 12/05/2025 19:42

You’re asking whether the money thing is a red flag while ignoring all the other red flags!!!

Goldie456 · 12/05/2025 19:42

You are the red flag 🚩

devildeepbluesea · 12/05/2025 19:40

You “jokingly asked him for money”??

Yeah. About as funny as dysentery.

Bloatstoat · 12/05/2025 19:40

This thread has made me wonder if AITRF (Am I The Red Flag) would be a useful addition to the mumsnet talk topics 🤔

Theroadt · 12/05/2025 19:35

Namechangeforthis88 · 11/05/2025 08:55

The red flag is you keep asking for money.

This

Zucker · 12/05/2025 19:32

I'm guessing you're both young americans? This seems to be a thing from what I've seen on social media.

Get your bag gurl, get that man to pay if he want's to spend time with you. Turning up their noses if the man doesn't spend enough for a dinner date.....and on and on and on.

I don't think it's a thing on this side of the pond.

BoldAmberDuck · 12/05/2025 19:32

Too much too soon, controlling behaviour, he’s got you down as a potential victim in my opinion. Generosity to woo you then who knows what?? Stay clear he’s weird i think

momtoboys · 12/05/2025 19:32

Why are you asking strangers for money? I don't believe for a minute you were "joking". He's also desperate. You are made for each other.

SnoopDougyDoug · 12/05/2025 19:30

Sounds weird on both sides. But then there is so much about US dating culture that is odd who actually knows?

BoldAmberDuck · 12/05/2025 19:30

Lovingthehamsterwheel · 11/05/2025 10:51

Op you sound like you are very naive, leave this man well alone.
Yes red flag completely, he could be love bombing you, scamming you, gaining trust and finding out your details. Sending small amounts of money then one day hes like, oh send me your bank details for a large cash deposit, finding out your apartment number etc

I totally agree. He sounds very controlling and potentially dangerous and I think OP may be vulnerable

IberianBlackout · 12/05/2025 19:22

Why are you entertaining this if you already know it’s weird? I don’t get it.

You’re both odd.

Bugaloo77 · 12/05/2025 19:16

You are both waving those red flags so high that neither of you can see them!
In all your comments you come across as not being that interested and pointing out all his faults but yet you take money off him. It doesn’t matter if it was for a coffee, a watch or a bloody island, if you have to ask if there are red flags then you really shouldn’t be talking to the poor lad.

MounjaroMounjaro · 12/05/2025 19:13

You are in the wrong as you asked him for money. Why would you do that? Don't say it was a joke - you don't know him well enough to make jokes like that.

He is controlling and I think having anything more to do with him will cause you a lot of problems not too far down the line. I'd cut all communication with him and I'd go back over my messages to recall exactly what you said about where you were going to live, and I'd make a different choice if possible.

cocoromo · 12/05/2025 19:09

You are definitely coming across as the red flag here.

Hadjab · 12/05/2025 19:05

Namechangeforthis88 · 11/05/2025 08:55

The red flag is you keep asking for money.

The only answer!

Iceboy80 · 12/05/2025 18:58

As a male I would say you were the red flag, that would be a straight no if someone asked for money, I'm nice but not a mug.

Rewis · 12/05/2025 18:53

nomas · 11/05/2025 08:59

Yep, sounds like a gold digger. Why give bank details to someone you’ve never even met?

Show quote history

Can't speak for op, but a lot of places and a lot of banks have apps where you can send money via app just by knowing their phone number. I'd imagine they're using something like Venmo, Mobile pay.

Justgorgeous · 12/05/2025 18:51

I think you are the problem.

Hungrysalmon87 · 12/05/2025 18:47

You are a red flag. Who asks for money (jokingly or not)?!

chaosmaker · 12/05/2025 18:44

So he knows where you are moving? The exact address?

You are a rebound and he sounds clingy, jealous and desperate. There are a million men in the states, find another one :)

SheridansPortSalut · 12/05/2025 18:39

Are you by any chance an African Prince?

Isabellivi · 12/05/2025 18:36

I thought of this but too lat now. Such an idiot and sounds proud of being trash.

at least prostitutes are honest. This “only joking” is a red flag for manipulative dishonest and no class or morals