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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cutlery AIBU

85 replies

WhyNotUsehis · 10/05/2025 22:30

So 'conversation' this evening as to why my DH won't set the table while I'm preparing dinner - it's basically because I'm too critical

As in when he sets the table he doesn't pay attention to the cutlery he's setting out, so you could get a
Dessert fork with a dinner knife or vice versa
Or two different types of cutlery, so a square edged knife with a rounded fork

To me, this just feels lopsided/unbalanced when I'm eating, I prefer the cutlery in each hand to be a similar size/shape- so I end up swapping my cutlery for something that feels right

Anyone else like this, or am I too fussy?

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 11/05/2025 03:17

Perhaps he can set the table bar your cutlery.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/05/2025 00:40

I am willing to bet if OP said her DH liked the table set a certain way she would be told he should do it himself then, regardless of who was cooking.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 11/05/2025 00:38

soupyspoon · 11/05/2025 00:01

This 'it makes me happy and therefore you should do it ', even for something which is no skin off the other person's nose, is incredibly manipulative

Show quote history

Manipulative? She's manipulating him into setting her place at the table with a matching knife and fork, while she's making his dinner?

You're either at the wind up, or you're the OP's husband.

And I'll tell you what IS manipulative: repeatedly doing something in such a way so that you get out of having to do it again.

Sera1989 · 11/05/2025 00:16

I’m usually a pretty pedantic person but the shapes and sizes of cutlery wouldn’t annoy me, so I would make setting the table your job as you’re the only one who wants it done a certain way

soupyspoon · 11/05/2025 00:01

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 10/05/2025 23:46

It might not be important to him but it is important to his wife, who is making his dinner after all. Is it too much to expect him to set the table how she likes it? She's asking for matching cutlery, not candelabra and a string quartet.

And I don't know why you're telling me what goes on in your house - if you're happy with it then crack on.

Show quote history

This 'it makes me happy and therefore you should do it ', even for something which is no skin off the other person's nose, is incredibly manipulative

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 10/05/2025 23:46

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 23:32

Why? Why does it matter? Why does it have to be important to him?

In this house it's a success if no one gets the cat food fork

Show quote history

It might not be important to him but it is important to his wife, who is making his dinner after all. Is it too much to expect him to set the table how she likes it? She's asking for matching cutlery, not candelabra and a string quartet.

And I don't know why you're telling me what goes on in your house - if you're happy with it then crack on.

SarahAndQuack · 10/05/2025 23:44

Why are we assuming the OP 1) hasn't sorted her cutlery drawer and 2) is responsible for that in the first place?

Granted, if the cutlery is all in one mixed drawer, then, OP, it needs sorting out. But if it's because he grabs it from the dishwasher/drying rack and doesn't look, or he doesn't notice which section of the drawer he's getting it from, then that's on him.

And yes, it is annoying - there's a reason you use paired knives and forks, and it's because they work together!

RosesAndHellebores · 10/05/2025 23:40

@WhyNotUsehis the desert fork business for a main meal would annoy me too. Square or rounded ends wouldn't bother me.

Cherryicecreamx · 10/05/2025 23:34

Nah of course the cutlery has to be the same.. this would bug me too 😅

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 23:32

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 10/05/2025 22:49

Of course, it's all your fault for not having a perfectly sorted cutlery drawer 🙄

I don't think it's too much to expect a grown man to be able to set a table with the appropriate matching cutlery. Especially when he's having his bloody dinner made for him.

Edited

Why? Why does it matter? Why does it have to be important to him?

In this house it's a success if no one gets the cat food fork

breadpie · 10/05/2025 23:30

tell him to cook his own dinner if it's too much hassle for him to find matching cutlery.

HeddaGarbled · 10/05/2025 23:25

You have too many different types of cutlery in the everyday cutlery drawer.

Seamond · 10/05/2025 23:22

Yes, it annoys me when DH doesn't use the fish knives and forks.

steff13 · 10/05/2025 23:19

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/05/2025 22:44

I don't own any dessert forks. Mind you most of my cutlery is a mix of various sets because cutlery mysteriously disappears on a regular basis.

Oh my gosh, yes! We go through periods where I don't think I could locate a fork if my life depended on it. Then they reappear, as mysteriously as they disappeared.

AlmostLate · 10/05/2025 23:19

I feel your pain, I think I am in the terrible position of having three of four differnt sets of cutlery in use, as for some reason, members of my family appear to throw away cutlery on a regular basis.
Someone equally dislikes potato peelers and serrated kitchen vegetable knives.

They positively loathe teaspoons.

In years to come, our descendants will wonder why we stashed so many worthless metal utensils in great mounds under earth. as our local land fill must be full of them,

UmopapIsdn · 10/05/2025 23:16

If he knows it bothers you yet keeps doing it then I think he’s being a bit of a dick. It’s such a small thing that costs him nothing and it makes you happy. Why WOULDN'T you do it?

There’s one particular fork (not part of any set, no idea where it came from!) that I prefer and my DH will always put that one out for me even though he likes it too!

Flossflower · 10/05/2025 23:16

We only have one style of cutlery. It makes life easier.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 10/05/2025 23:15

I have cutlery I prefer. If my partner sets out the wrong one for me by mistake I just swap it. I will say why in the hope he picks up on it and does better next time. But I know it’s me being fussy so I don’t make a big deal out of it or critique him.

Teenybub · 10/05/2025 23:12

It’s not that you are fussy it’s that he is lazy. I would suggest if he’s not capable of setting the table properly you will start doing it whilst he cooks.

Ddakji · 10/05/2025 23:11

I mean, I’m all for not mixing and matching, but our everyday cutlery doesn’t involve dessert forks. In fact, it lives in a mug on the dinner table so every just helps themselves to what they need (there’s a choice of forks, knives and pudding spoons, that’s it).

Hillarious · 10/05/2025 23:08

Got to have the correct cutlery. My family can eat with what they like, but they know to set my place correctly, and that includes having a butter knife for the butter on the table. Preferably one from Sheffield.

CoastalCalm · 10/05/2025 23:07

We got rid of all our mismatched stuff and bought two sets - I agree it’s unpleasant to have different weighted or style of cutlery

jaundicedoutlook · 10/05/2025 23:03

It would drive me totally bonkers to have a drawer full of mismatched cutlery. Chuck it all out, get a matching set, and organise it with a drawer insert organiser.

If he continues to mess it up, stick a fork in his upper thigh.

ButteredRadishes · 10/05/2025 22:52

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 10/05/2025 22:49

Of course, it's all your fault for not having a perfectly sorted cutlery drawer 🙄

I don't think it's too much to expect a grown man to be able to set a table with the appropriate matching cutlery. Especially when he's having his bloody dinner made for him.

Edited

My husband couldn't care less about matching styles (we have odd mix of styles) he just picks any 3 forks and and 3 knives.

DappledThings · 10/05/2025 22:52

What's a dessert fork? Is that like a cake fork with the slightly cut out bit on one tine? If not then I have no idea of er have any and how often I've put them out.