Page 9 | To never invite them again.

PatrickDog · 2025-05-10T18:21:02+00:00

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend. Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us. Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it. On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything! We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late. Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site. DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!) On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable. On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them. Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both. Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday. I'm pretty upset tbh.

Christwosheds · 10/05/2025 21:33

PatrickDog · 10/05/2025 19:35

21 and 23 which makes it even worse. Both adults!

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Gosh I was thinking 18 !!! Twenties MUCH too old for this .

footpath · 10/05/2025 21:32

Did you ask them why they came? or why there were so ungrateful?

pepperminticecream · 10/05/2025 21:31

thepariscrimefiles · 10/05/2025 21:00

OP's son has refused to apologise to his grandparents. He is 23, not a small child, apparently he was shockingly rude to his grandparents and he should learn that actions have consequences.

The majority of inheritances are left to the children of the deceased not the grandchildren. If OP's dad changes his will, it is likely that his grandson's share of the inheritance will be left to OP instead so her son will inherit when she dies.

If OP's son is genuinely contrite and makes a sincere and heartfelt apology, I would assume that OP's dad probably won't change his will. But so far, OP's son isn't in a hurry to make amends for his and his girlfriends appalling and ungrateful behaviour.

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All of the money going to children isn’t my experience it all. It’s normal for grandparents to set aside a trust or amount of money/contribute to savings accounts for grandchildren when they have the funds.

inheritance should never be held over someone’s head or revoked over something as silly as this. He behaved poorly, it’s out of character and he needs to learn to own his behavior and make amends.

but anyone who uses inheritance as a punishment is immature.

ScrollingLeaves · 10/05/2025 21:28

MikeRafone · 10/05/2025 21:04

3 generations of the same family on holiday can sometimes go wrong but add in a stranger to 4 of the adults and it really can be the grenade into the mix. Not what everyone else was expecting

do you think your son was rude due to the stress or atmosphere of how the holiday was going?

its a really tricky situation for you, as pushing her away could also push him away. Keeping her coming to the house, much as you don’t want to might well be the better option & hope they break up

Yes, I rather agree. Watch out for criticising the awful gf as you do not want to make him defensive about her and dig in.

I think it is possible he lashed out at your parents in a defensive ‘reverse’ , instead of at the real culprit, the gf, because he too (secretly) was stressed by the gf’s behaviour. He must be under her thumb.

Your DS does need to apologise to his grandparents.

justasking111 · 10/05/2025 21:25

Well you get your house back, she won't be staying over. I'd let it go now, you've called him out. He has to man up and sort his grandparents out himself. He's not a child.

MikeRafone · 10/05/2025 21:23

What do his friends think of his girlfriend?

Pomegranatecarnage · 10/05/2025 21:21

Shameful. My son is 16 and his girlfriend 15 and they wouldn’t behave like that. I wouldn’t have her round the house.

RockyRogue1001 · 10/05/2025 21:17

@PatrickDog , gently, because I understand your rage and disappointment.
Which - to be clear - is entirely justified.

But being angry isn't working, is it!

You need to have a calm conversation with DS. Without blame

Cognacsoft · 10/05/2025 21:17

pepperminticecream · 10/05/2025 20:50

They were rude, you called them out on it and they won’t be invited again on holiday.

Your DF threatening to take him out of the will is immature and manipulative and frankly I’d be very angry at the threat. Your DS clearly has a good relationship with them and that’s why he’s in the will and was invited on holiday to start with. If your DF is this upset and wants to put the money in a trust with guidelines around it then that’s fine but threatening to cut him out is so foolish and would be very hurtful.

Sounds like a lot of immature behaviour all around.

It’s an important lesson about biting the hand that feeds you.
The gp’s don’t want the gf to have access to the money. I think that’s fair enough.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 10/05/2025 21:14

Ime your ds needs to see you don't support his relationship..
I wasn't being a hypocrite when ds has a string of hideous girls at our home. Including the fwb who milked him of ££ and mentioned her girls trip and the hoping of an aching fanny when she got back.
In front of his young siblings
God she was horrific.. When ds realised we all hated her he had to acknowledge the theme...

grumpygrape · 10/05/2025 21:13

HunnyPot · 10/05/2025 21:08

I doubt she will be his GF for much longer.

I hope she won't be his GF much longer.

JLou08 · 10/05/2025 21:12

I went on holiday with my DHs family once. His mum was miserable and moaning most the time. I told my DH it wouldn't be happening again and he agreed. That was the end of it though. I think it's a bit extreme that you don't want her in your house and your parents are getting at you about it. Maybe best to just move on from it now. See it as a lesson learned and not invite them again.

HunnyPot · 10/05/2025 21:08

I doubt she will be his GF for much longer.

JaniceLongSchlong · 10/05/2025 21:06

I know these brats are 20+ adults behaving like entitled children.

OP maybe see how the next interaction is with the GF and if necessary ask to speak to her parents if she can’t adult.

MikeRafone · 10/05/2025 21:04

3 generations of the same family on holiday can sometimes go wrong but add in a stranger to 4 of the adults and it really can be the grenade into the mix. Not what everyone else was expecting

do you think your son was rude due to the stress or atmosphere of how the holiday was going?

its a really tricky situation for you, as pushing her away could also push him away. Keeping her coming to the house, much as you don’t want to might well be the better option & hope they break up

Original poster

PatrickDog · 10/05/2025 21:04

He's the 21 year old, she's the 23 year old. Either way still old enough to know better.

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 10/05/2025 21:00

pepperminticecream · 10/05/2025 20:50

They were rude, you called them out on it and they won’t be invited again on holiday.

Your DF threatening to take him out of the will is immature and manipulative and frankly I’d be very angry at the threat. Your DS clearly has a good relationship with them and that’s why he’s in the will and was invited on holiday to start with. If your DF is this upset and wants to put the money in a trust with guidelines around it then that’s fine but threatening to cut him out is so foolish and would be very hurtful.

Sounds like a lot of immature behaviour all around.

OP's son has refused to apologise to his grandparents. He is 23, not a small child, apparently he was shockingly rude to his grandparents and he should learn that actions have consequences.

The majority of inheritances are left to the children of the deceased not the grandchildren. If OP's dad changes his will, it is likely that his grandson's share of the inheritance will be left to OP instead so her son will inherit when she dies.

If OP's son is genuinely contrite and makes a sincere and heartfelt apology, I would assume that OP's dad probably won't change his will. But so far, OP's son isn't in a hurry to make amends for his and his girlfriends appalling and ungrateful behaviour.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 10/05/2025 20:59

Truthfully, I'd let things settle. You've told them both how you feel and everyone needs to calm down before things get said that can't be taken back. I doubt your DS had much of a holiday if she was bending his ear and moaning the whole time. He could have been very embarassed.... and if his reaction wasn't usual for him, I'd let it slide for the sake of family harmony. You are quite at liberty though to refuse having her stay over if that's how she shows gratitude.

Original poster

PatrickDog · 10/05/2025 20:58

Annascaul · 10/05/2025 20:53

Op said they asked to come along, they weren’t actually invited at all.
Which makes their bratty behaviour all the more reprehensible.

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Well technically DS was invited but he asked if girlfriend could come.

OP posts:

Original poster

PatrickDog · 10/05/2025 20:57

TheMeasure · 10/05/2025 20:49

Is this out of character for your ds to be rude to your parents? Has he ever done it before and what was the outcome? I suppose it's complicated by his gf being involved.
I remember my ds being a real brat to my parents once, when he was about 7 or so and they'd taken both kids for a lovely day out. I was furious with him and made him write a (sincere) letter of apology to them. My mum wrote back a lovely letter to him thanking him and saying she understood and what a lovely boy he usually was etc... I found the letter recently (DS is now nearly 30 and my parents have passed away) and it made me shed a tear.
Reader, DS remained in the will!

Massively out of character. Bar the odd eye roll as a teenager he's never been rude to them and he's certainly never shouted at them like he did.
In fact he's always been the golden child with them which is probably why they are so upset.

OP posts:

Annascaul · 10/05/2025 20:53

pepperminticecream · 10/05/2025 20:50

They were rude, you called them out on it and they won’t be invited again on holiday.

Your DF threatening to take him out of the will is immature and manipulative and frankly I’d be very angry at the threat. Your DS clearly has a good relationship with them and that’s why he’s in the will and was invited on holiday to start with. If your DF is this upset and wants to put the money in a trust with guidelines around it then that’s fine but threatening to cut him out is so foolish and would be very hurtful.

Sounds like a lot of immature behaviour all around.

Op said they asked to come along, they weren’t actually invited at all.
Which makes their bratty behaviour all the more reprehensible.

financialmuddle · 10/05/2025 20:53

He won't go near my parents currently because he knows how angry they are.

This is key. He can now make the best out of a difficult situation, grow up a bit and visit his GPs to apologise.

The alternative is that he shirks that and avoids doing the right thing again.

SpryUmberZebra · 10/05/2025 20:52

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/05/2025 19:26

Did no one call our her bratty behaviour at the time?

She'd also be spending a lot less time at my house now.

Someone will come along and tell you how this will push her son away so she needs to just shut up and accept it.

Annascaul · 10/05/2025 20:51

TheMeasure · 10/05/2025 20:49

Is this out of character for your ds to be rude to your parents? Has he ever done it before and what was the outcome? I suppose it's complicated by his gf being involved.
I remember my ds being a real brat to my parents once, when he was about 7 or so and they'd taken both kids for a lovely day out. I was furious with him and made him write a (sincere) letter of apology to them. My mum wrote back a lovely letter to him thanking him and saying she understood and what a lovely boy he usually was etc... I found the letter recently (DS is now nearly 30 and my parents have passed away) and it made me shed a tear.
Reader, DS remained in the will!

He was 7…
Op’s ds is 23.

Tiredofallthis101 · 10/05/2025 20:51

Do you think he was rude to your parents because of her behaviour? Ie she'd irritated him too and took it out on them? And/or been getting it in the neck from her and got annoyed with them as a result? Either way I'd give it a few days for things to cool down and tell DS what your DF said about the will - not as a threat but as a sign of despite how much they love DS they made this comment because of how rude and upsetting they found their behaviour. Emphasise that you know he knows better and an apology and thank you would be basic manners.