To never invite them again.

Your son is the issue here. Focus on that

I feel sorry for your ds. 21 is still young for managing difficult relationships and he has a nightmare older girlfriend. It sounds like a really horrible stressful holiday for him, he's not only dealt with her bitching and screaming at him, but will undoubtedly have been aware of how her behaviour has been impacting you and his dgp throughout the holiday and have felt responsible for her behaviour. He's finally snapped and now everyone is mad at him.

You need to support him, let him know that he isn't responsible for his girlfriend's behaviour and that he deserves a girlfriend who will treat him with respect. You need to be understanding of the difficult position he was in and let him know that whilst he's, he owes your parents an apology that everyone knows it was out of character due to the stress of the situation. It's only if he continues the relationship that he's condoning her behaviour towards both him and his family.

Do you think he was rude to your parents because of her behaviour? Ie she'd irritated him too and took it out on them? And/or been getting it in the neck from her and got annoyed with them as a result?

oh absolutely. It would never be the grown man’s fault would it. She pushed him to it I tell you!

I agree with this^
I also think @ScrollingLeaves and @MikeRafone both made good points.
I wouldn’t forbid her from the house. I would encourage your DS to apologize to GPs but make sure that they would accept the apology without drama and threats. This situation requires wisdom, there were too much emotions already.

YANBU to never invite the gf again. CF! Your DS asks if she can come, she gets a free holiday, their own room, no expectations to hang out with those paying, easy to get to places. But she endlessly moaned?!
Then didn’t even say thanks, let alone send a card and/or flowers to the GPs to show her appreciation?
She’s screwed herself for getting another free holiday.
If it was out of character for your DS to be shouty and rude, then he may’ve lost it because of the stress and embarrassment his gf was causing. No excuse, but maybe an explanation. Whatever, he needs to apologise to his GPs and you for his outburst, as well as the disrespectful behaviour of his guest/gf. And he shouldn’t be in a bad humour with you for his GPs objecting to his behaviour. Even if they were rude to him or a scene was caused, he can sort that out with them

she moaned about the bar being shut. The son shouted and swore at his grandparents. Check your misogyny

What for one mistake in an other wise good relationship? 🙄

Such a misogynistic take. It wasn’t the girlfriend that was rude to the grandparents was it? She might had moaned but it seems your son has ruined the holiday.

Yet somehow she is getting the blame and the ‘poor son’ is being pitied. This is probably the same ‘poor son’ that is a shit husband in 5 years.

Nonsense, removing someone from a will over this is ridiculous & petty.

I wouldn’t leave money to someone who had been that rude to me. Maybe if it was my own child but not an adult grandchild.

@macaroniandcheeze good point

Nicely OP I think it's an overreaction from you and your parents. He's a young adult and probably in his first serious relationship. He was probably snappy by the end of the week because he knew how ridiculous she was being but it's easier to bite back at family who love him unconditionally (...or apparently not from what you've said about your father) than the girlfriend. He'll figure it out, it probably won't last and he'll look back with regret and embarrassment. Don't push him away

And in making that threat he’s instantly made it impossible for the son to apologise genuinely now without it feeling forced and linked to money/inheritance

Blimey! No wonder you needed to vent!

YANBU to never invite the gf again. CF! Your DS asks if she can come, she gets a free holiday, their own room, no expectations to hang out with those paying, easy to get to places. But she endlessly moaned?!

Then didn’t even say thanks, let alone send a card and/or flowers to the GPs to show her appreciation?

She’s screwed herself for getting another free holiday.

If it was out of character for your DS to be shouty and rude, then he may’ve lost it because of the stress and embarrassment his gf was causing. No excuse, but maybe an explanation. Whatever, he needs to apologise to his GPs and you for his outburst, as well as the disrespectful behaviour of his guest/gf. And he shouldn’t be in a bad humour with you for his GPs objecting to his behaviour. Even if they were rude to him or a scene was caused, he can sort that out with them.

While I’d give the gf a wide berth from now on, I wouldn’t show any negativity about her to your DS. It may push him more towards her. Say nothing more about her, other than responding to any mention of her in as polite and limited way as possible. Hopefully, he’ll see sense. They’re still v young and will likely not last that long.

People who put conditions on money are usually quite damaged & tend to damage those around them.

He could apologise easily enough.

The son absolutely should apologise but it's immature to add back in remove people from a will because you are annoyed at them.

At 21/23 it's highly unlikely he will end up with her and therefore the will business is probably a needless worry.
Does he know his grandfather is threatening this?

I work with someone who moans about everything & there is always an issue but I'm used to it now.

I disagree, the DF writing the son out of the will is horrible petty behaviour. He should apologise without that threat. He can’t buy your son’s behaviour or use money to control who he dates, not without completely alienating him.

Have you met the parents? I wonder what they’re like on holiday. A lot of people (strangers) I’ve encountered on holiday just love a moan even over the smallest things whereas others (like you and your parents) manage their expectations and make the best out of any situation. Maybe she comes from that kind of moany family that complains about everything on holiday. Not excusing it just wondering about why she behaved so badly.

Nonsense, removing someone from a will over this is ridiculous & petty.

He could apologise easily enough.

Mm..

I wonder if he has really struggled knowing how to handle his girlfriend being a massive arse, in front of his parents/grandparents.. It must be mortifying to be in his shoes, with everyone upset that his girlfriend is a total dick!

So he's had a stressful holiday and at the end, just snapped, sadly at the wrong people... and does not know how to come back from that.

I would tread carefully, if you're all telling him he's fucked up, you are potentially driving him to her, who of course will tell him his behaviours fine, hers is fine, everyone else is an utter bastard.

It IS difficult when you bring a third party on a family event and they unexpectedly behave like a massive twat - you only have to trundle through MN on any given day to find myriad adults struggling with this and not knowing what to say/how to handle it.

So I'd have some sympathy for him for that - it doesn't excuse being rude or ungrateful of course, but it might explain how he is feeling a bit!

The fuck is wrong with (young) peoples' attitudes these days.
I wouldn't have dared behave like that.
If I was your DSs girlfriend I would have been falling over myself to thank you and your parents for the free holiday. I was expecting you to say they were 18 or 19 at the oldest. At 21 and 23 they need to grow up.

Of course YANBU. That has to be the last time they come on holiday with you. Sorry you didn't have a good time.

It’s an important lesson about biting the hand that feeds you.

Nonsense, removing someone from a will over this is ridiculous & petty.

Some people do just love to complain & moan constantly, I don't think they are aware they do it. However not saying thank you is awful.

@PatrickDog sorry I was maybe a bit harsh about your son. You sound like a lovely mum, and he sounds like he's been massively influenced by the girlfriend.