To never invite them again.

The nerve of DS's girlfriend is shocking! This is rudeness at a level I cannot even imagine.

Not to make ANY excuses for DS, but he probably felt some stress with his girlfriend complaining nonstop (probably even more to him in private) and then, as OP mentioned, "screaming" at him at one point--in front of his own family!!!

I feel sorry for you, OP, what with your parents rightfully upset and now the DS, but the DS was in the wrong, and that girlfriend of his would NEVER be allowed in my house again. She owes him, you, and especially your parents a formal and heartfelt apology.

Your son obviously owes you and your parents a huge apology for how he treated them. They are his family, so no excuse for him to not apologize. It's not just about a lack of respect but about a complete lack of gratitude for a free holiday out of the goodness of their hearts!

I can only hope your son does the right thing and breaks it off with her. If he doesn't think what she did was terribly rude and ungrateful, then I think I'd explain it to him because he should.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both

If you’ve given him a bollocking for his behaviour, why is he moaning at you? Was it a bit of a half hearted bollocking? Or is he not taking you seriously?

Or, she was just rude

@LunaDeBallona calling out misogynistic comments is never inappropriate

Appalling behaviour. I have a 21 year old son with a 21 year old girlfriend. Generous grandparents on both sides and they’ve been either treated or had to pay a minimal contribution over the last three years to various holidays.

In honesty, our family holidays could not be more different and I think a bit of a culture shock (both ways) when holidaying with each family.

But they have both have done it with good grace, thanked grandparents and found and made their own fun creating holidays that have been the best for them as a couple.

Beyond the disrespect, I think I’d be having a word with my son around healthy relationships.

Holidays are precious times and it’s important you make the absolute most of your time away. A good relationship in their circumstances should have been able to navigate this quite easily.

I agree. It sounds like very toxic family dynamics. GPs having a go at OP about the behaviour of the son and girlfriend and then talk of writing their grandson out of the will because of a rude comment at the end of what sounds to have been a stressful holiday. OP not wanting girlfriend in the house because she moaned on holiday. Maybe the girlfriend picked up on the bad vibes and that has led to the moaning.

I mentioned the DS too and said he should apologise.

OP says the gf complained about absolutely everything, not just the bar being shut. It ruined their first holiday in 8 years. She screamed at DS. She didn’t thank them for paying for her. A-hole behaviour as a guest of the family.

Nothing misogynistic about saying that.

You should have spoke to your son

Do you think ds also had enough of the girlfriend but snapped and took it out on your parents instead? It doesn’t sound like a fun relationship.

Point out to your son that the longer he leaves it before apologising abjectly to your parents and thanking them for the holiday, the worse it will be.

Both of my children have taken friends on holiday with us at various times and they have both admitted afterwards that they found it pretty stressful at times. They are stuck between their irritated parents and their friends who are in their ear getting them to push for more freedom/alcohol/entertainment etc. it can be very wearing and I can see it taking a toll on them.

I know your son is not a teenager but I think there was something similar going on. He had been trying to keep her happy all week and was probably fed up with it himself but didn’t know how or didn’t want to deal with it on holiday . I am absolutely not excusing him being rude to your parents but I can imagine him snapping if he was being scolded from all sides.

I wouldn’t berate him anymore. I would speak to my parents and say if/when he apologises please to accept it with good grace and perhaps they could reinforce that they weee just disappointed because he’s so great and loved. Then I would ask him to apologise to his GPs (without equivocation) for taking the shine off their holiday.

I think he’ll see the light as far as the girlfriend is concerned eventually. I think you’ll be doing well just to be polite to her going forward 😉

She wouldn’t be staying under my roof again until my parents and myself got a full apology and even then I don’t think she’d be welcome.

Does your son not think she behaved badly?

Cripes, it gets worse and worse.

Did you actually read what either I or the OP wrote?

That’s awful. Where are manners these days! Whatever happened to ‘don’t look a gift horse on the mouth’?

He is responsible for condoning his girlfriend’s behaviour and being rude to his grandparents in support of said girlfriend.

I don’t get why you need to make excuses for him. He needs to own what he has done, apologize to his grandparents and handle it better next time.

Because young men often have their brains led by what is in their pants,
Please don’t pretend that isn’t a thing.
No I don’t know the young couple - only the op does.
No I dont ‘randomly apply that term’ to every young couple - only where I believe it’s applicable, which I do here.
Perhaps don’t de rail the thread over two words in my post??

I'm so angry for you OP. I absolutely would not tolerate rudeness or disrespect towards my parents. Ever.

Do they understand how bad their behaviour was? Have they shown real remorse?

What is the plan going forward? She's absolutely banned from your house? They are buying a thank you gift? When? When is DS going to go, on his own and apologise and thank his DGPs? Then what day will he take her along to repeat the grovelling? He also owes them and you an explanation for his shit behaviour. This is important in understanding why he behaved that way and ensuring he understands what the triggers were (her) so he can take steps to prevent a repeat.

Good luck OP. I doubt the relationship will last so bide your time...

How is it apt? You don’t know the pair in question. Or do you randomly apply that term to every young couple?
Why?

I agree, it is horrible, but very apt.
We are allowed to swear on here you know.

I think he is young, in love and ‘cunt struck’ (horrible phrase but very apt) *

that’s fucking revolting @LunaDeBallona. check yourself

Having read your update about your dad, I would say that as far as your DS’s behaviour goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Everyone is lashing out.

@PatrickDog i genuinely don’t think you need to beat yourself up at all over this. This does not reflect badly on you - as you have said, you called them out gently and then more forcefully as the week went on.
Their behaviour has been appalling. What is it with the entitlement? Why do some young people think it’s ok to behave like this?
My concern if I were you would be for your son. The papers this week have been full of the relationship breakdown between Prince Harry & his family since he married, and Brooklyn Beckham and his family since he married - both of them to older women.
We all know that males don’t catch up with women emotionally and with their maturity until about 25. So these young men are easily malleable .
Personally although I would never want to lay eyes on the cheeky GF ever again I would sit back and assess the situation - as l presume you don’t want to loose your son. I think he is young, in love and ‘c*nt struck’ (horrible phrase but very apt) - and she seems to be pulling his strings atm.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,
I would be wanting to keep an eye on the balance and behaviour in their relationship while watching out for red flags - and if you ban her you can’t observe can you?
Im not saying my advice is right but you know them, we don’t, and you will I, sure work out the right way to navigate through this.
However, my caveat would be a full and sincere face to face apology to the grandparents. No quibble on that one, Stress on him the importance of grandparents, that they are not around for ever and is he does not apologise you know he will live to regret it as he is too nice a man for his conscience not to prick.
Good luck - this is bigger than just your holiday, you may be fighting for your son.

He can’t buy your son’s behaviour or use money to control who he dates, not without completely alienating him.

He's probably angry and upset, not being controlling.