To never invite them again.

I would have given tour DS a serious talking to and made sure he went over to grandparents with flowers and a sincere apology. As for her, she would not be staying over anymore!

Well - her OP simply said he was rude to his grandmother. That got upgraded to screaming at her only later.

I must say, I’d love to hear about this holiday from the DS’s perspective, and definitely the GF’s. Because the OP says his behaviour was unusual, and indeed says she’d never seen any bad behaviour from the GF.

Two sides to every story and all that…

This has clearly touched a raw nerve for you, @BonhomieNorthener, but surely you can still read and comprehend OP's multiple clear statements, eg:

he as a grown man got called out for screaming in the face of an elderly grandparent

for DS to publicly scream at his 80 year old wife in front of everyone.

There you have it!
Heres a family who totally believe that money is power.
Buy them a holiday expect total submission in return.
The focus on gratitude was problematic. Polite and kind behaviour should be a given , not more expected because the holiday was free!
So, I have no advice to give except to hope that your son finds a little gold digger who will grovel appropriately to you and your parents and then everyone will be happy. Except perhaps your son has seen the light and it's not the one being shone on his girlfriends behaviour but on the rich vein of entitlement that runs through this post and your family . In which case, somewhere along the line, you've accidently raised a decent human being.

Why and how was he rude to your parents btw?

Nothing worse than someone putting a downer on your holiday, but a free one just takes the mick. I believe there are times when people should be on their best manners, holidays, Xmas and funerals. Just keep your own stuff to yourself, be considerate and remember, it's not all about you! If this person can't show gratitude and respect on a holiday that was a gift, they are unlikely to change!
They owe you all an apology.

I’d say she is not to stay at yours or visit until they both apologize to your parents and thank them, and apologize to you for spoiling your vacation. Let him stay at hers for a while instead. She behaved appallingly and very controlling too.

I'd be hoping he'd be dumping her pretty quick if it was my Son.

Of course they need to be told that their behaviour was bang out of order. They also need to be told no further invitations will be extended to them.

It’s called “feelings of entitlement “
very prevalent at the moment

I imagine he was stressed out by his girlfriend’s constant complaining and dissatisfaction. That doesn’t make his behaviour acceptable but I think it’s not very surprising.

Why was he rude to your parents? There isn’t enough context to understand the situation, but treating his girlfriend how you speak about her, banning her from your house or following the advice given here won’t land you anywhere you would like.

Needs to hear how much he must have upset the GPs and hopefully make him see he should be ashamed of himself. Also remind him that she is a spoilt kid and everyone saw this.
Hope this minor stuff might make a difference. If not you might have to pin them up against a wall and tell them how f-ing out of order this all is.

Agree on both points. Horrible yet apt.

Yeah I don’t see the issue with this at all and find it bizarre that it would even be commented on.

21 and 23 is very age appropriate. I’d describe it as the same age effectively.

I wonder if Is it just because in this couple the woman is (slightly) older? And yet men regularly date women 7+ years younger and no-one bats an eye.

Yeah this is a simple one, don't invite them again.

eh?

It's not not unknown for a 23 year old female to go out with a 21 year old male. It's hardly a big age difference!

Whatever the parenting of said girlfriend, causes etc that lead to her behaviour, you should not suffer as a result. Never again, and do not allow her to step foot in your house. Stick to your guns 100%, no backing down.

That seems very sad about the GF not being taken on holiday by her parents since she was a child. Something going on there perhaps.

I’d give your son an ultimatum: family or his girlfriend. The problem with banning them from holidays is that she’ll still come round and stay a couple of nights a week. Not sure how that makes any sense.

Because it’s the grown up thing to do, and is mostly likely to lead to a happy family future.

Wow. I'd be livid too. Very disappointing, for your elderly parents to treat your son to a trip and even allow him to bring along his girlfriend too. Then the pair of them spoil the trip and embarrass you, with ongoing obnoxious behavior.

Your son is grown and hasn't acted like this before. So it sounds like there's more going on here beneath the surface but what? Any ideas? :(

Not ideal at all. They should know better but sometimes no matter who pays holidays are just tense. I think you’re just torturing yourself. Nothing can change what’s happened, you just need to move on, mark her card and install boundaries x

@ElfAndSafetyBored

why should they??

My son is 22, his boyfriend stays over regularly which I think is quite usual. People stay living at home a lot longer these days.

I don't have time to RTFT so may have missed this already being said.

Please be careful about coming down too hard on your DS. This may be the beginning of a coercive controlling relationship. If so, you don't want to hand the abuser the tools she needs to get you (support network) out of your DS's life.

My DD behaved out of character when in an abusive relationship. Luckily, by the time she did it, I had recognised what was going on and prioritised our relationship over addressing her behaviour. It turned out the be the right thing to do.

There are a few red flags in your description of events so please read up on coervice controlling relationships so you're equipped to support your DS if that is what is happening.