Dinner time issues

My mum was like this with mushrooms. Bolognaise, lasagne, she would shove them in anything and then step dad would get violent if I didn't eat/was sick at the table. Good times...

Since you only mention one food (onions), maybe lay off them for household harmony? Would you be the same if he was ND/allergic? We cook 2-3 meals in our home, the kids eat mostly the same, but me and dp don't. We both work full time, it's not impossible to make sure everyone can eat something they like.

Blend the onions in a blender then add to your food. Doubt he will notice it.

How would you feel if you were punished because you didn't want to eat something?
If he consistently picking the onions out then I doubt it is behavioural.
I have a friend who loves pizza and doesn't like cheese...

I agree with a PP - a little blender / mini food processor is your friend here - the type with a little pot and blades which chops to teeny tiny consistency. My dd would not eat onion if she could see it but I use on of these for onions, peppers, mushrooms etc and she eats it absolutely fine.

Not everyone is getting food that they like???

Make bigger onion bites and take his away. I'm sure that if it would have been your kid you would have already done this..

He is your SS so I am assuming he is with mum at least 50% of the time ??

can you not do the onion based dishes the day he isn’t there .

put a smaller pan without onions

put big pieces of onions so he can pick them out

blend it .

i find the words increasing the consequences concerning - what consequences are you giving him now ?

I would also say again if he is at his mum’s he also has different experiences of food there . So everyone isn’t the same .

i think it’s a very outdated concept to expect a child to eat everything on their plate

Grate it or blend it. Or use onion granules?

I wouldn't say everyone gets treated the same if you are frequently making food with an ingredient everyone else likes but you know he specifically dislikes. Think of it like mushrooms. If one person really didn't like mushrooms would you make mushroom dishes all the time? Surely you'd find a way to balance make stuff most people like most of the time - not just stuff everyone else likes but one person.

Your SS sounds exactly like me when I was younger. I loved the flavour of onion and adored battered onion rings but "bits" of onion in things like stews, spag bol etc would make me gag.

I'm ND but wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult. I'm mostly ok with onions in all forms now but occasionally get the ick if the texture is "wrong" for me.

Please don't punish your SS like this - he probably can't help it.

My DD doesn’t like the texture of rice, DH doesn’t like mushrooms (there’s not really anything I won’t eat!) but as I do the majority of the cooking, I would prefer to make meals that we all will enjoy - so while I would’ve added mushrooms to many dishes before, I don’t now because of DH’s tastes, I also wouldn’t cook a meal with rice when DD is here because I know she doesn’t like the texture.

just because the majority enjoy, doesn’t mean everyone does - and if there’s 1 specific ingredient that you SS obvs doesn’t like, stop including it when he’s with you- simple, surely?

I think YABU. Sounds like he really dislikes onions! Just because everyone else likes onions doesn't mean he's unreasonable not to.

Of course he shouldn't be rude, but not wanting to eat onions isn't rude. It's not his fault he clearly really dislikes them.

“The phrase "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" is often used to describe a form of insanity, and it's typically attributed to Albert Einstein. “

You also wouldn't make it for dinner or add it to a meal would you

Are there things your own DC won't eat?

I have two ND children and I would LOVE it if they would just pick out the things they don't want to eat that day, and eat the rest.

You are being unreasonable. Why make a big deal out of this? Leave the onions big so whoever doesn't want them can pick them out, and try to vary the meals so everyone gets their favourite once a week or whatever is fair. Even if it's about control, you are giving him an audience by reacting, ignore it and he might try an onion one day.

So no one gets tuna?

It’s great that you are such an amazing person who can eat anything but some people do have issues around certain food or texture or both.
People give you lots of advices - depending on what’s going on you can: blend, cut bigger, let him be and, of course, exclude onion.
And don’t tell me that onion is necessary for survival as it’s so heathy. I eat it in very limited amounts. Most of the time I put spring onion in a stew and then throw it away. So far my family survived happily.

Didn’t some famous intellect define an idiot as someone who keeps doing the exact same thing and expecting a different result. To be clear tbt this definition it’s you that’s the idiot not your SS. Stop putting onion in every meal and complaining when he picks it out! Either leave it out / use powdered or cut it big so he can pick it out.

on this I remember specifically picking out onion out of my mums bolognaise because it always felt too slimy. I’ve grown into a perfectly reasonable adult who eats almost everything. Just don’t turn it into a battle

My mum used to blend up my spag bol for years because I didn't like 'big bits' . Can't you just blend after serving it unblended for everyone else? Or sub it for leeks / garlic? Or is it ready meals and that's why you're not engaging with alternatives?

Once he reaches am age to decide he really won't make an effort to have any sort of relationship with you.. Consider how that will affect your marriage.
And the relationship between the siblings..

They like onions though. It's hardly fair to force him to eat onions just because everyone else likes them.

So you force everyone to have meals with things they don’t like? Including yourself?

Oh FFS, just leave out the onions.