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To respond more harshly next time my MIL tries to guess if I’m pregnant? How?

137 replies

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 14:56

We’ve been trying for a baby for years, and now I’m finally pregnant. My MIL has developed a habit recently of making pointed comments — for example, she once called me over and said loudly, “LOOK! You’ll want to see this,” then pointed to a sign that said something like “Not recommended for pregnant women due to high temperatures” (it was outside a sauna). At the time I wasn’t pregnant, and I just awkwardly said something like, “Yep, I see it.” Another time she said, “Hmm, not interested in the feta salad, are you?” in that same smug, baiting tone.

We’re going away for a short trip with her next weekend, and this time I am pregnant — but still in the first trimester and not ready to tell anyone yet, especially as we’ve previously experienced a miscarriage. I also don’t want to flat-out deny it when she guesses, because I don’t want to jinx it by saying “no” when it’s actually true. What I’m looking for is a way to respond that firmly shuts her down without being outright rude — not a “shut up” or “that’s inappropriate,” (I wish, but my husband would flip at that being too rude for his mummy - ironic) just something that holds my boundary while keeping the peace.

OP posts:
SamDeanCas · 10/05/2025 15:15

I’d just pretend not to ‘get it’

‘oh look at this sign’ oh yes MIL, it says not suitable for pregnant women. Have you seen the news about Prince Harry

‘are you having the feta salad’ - no I was thinking of having a jacket potato with beans

MayaPinion · 10/05/2025 15:14

‘Do you want to know if Roger and I are having sex, Sandra? Great, bawdy, randy, sex all over the house? Is that what you really want to know? That’s a bit weird and it makes me feel very uncomfortable that you’re so interested in my sex life with your son.’ That should shut her up for a bit.

Tandora · 10/05/2025 15:13

Tell her she’s looking quite pregnant herself

BethDuttonYeHaw · 10/05/2025 15:12

What does your DH think about you not letting them spend time with your toddler?

are they really that bad? Seems extreme.

Nameftgigb · 10/05/2025 15:11

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 15:05

I’d love to not spend time with them but they want to spend time with our child (toddler age). I wouldn’t want my child unsupervised with them (they’re not dangerous… just that I don’t like them and don’t agree with them on many things so would like to supervise contact) so I have to be around when they’re together

You’re having another child with your dh when you don’t trust him alone with the one you’ve got?

toomuchfaff · 10/05/2025 15:11

Not sure how long ago your miscarriage was, or if you told them, but id be saying something to embarrass her to stunning her into silence and usually its something along the lines of "just received the news i'm infertile so thanks for that, now I'm crying"

But obviously as your pregnant that won't work..

Maybe just go with the simple

"Are you ok?, you seem to always make references to pregnancy, you know that it's not appropriate conversation"

But you were right, you have a dh problem. He should be managing his mother.

mnahmnah · 10/05/2025 15:10

I would just deflect, deflect, deflect. Things like ‘haha! Ooh look at what dc is doing’. Or yawn and say you need to go and get a drink.

DumDeeDoh · 10/05/2025 15:10

Say you are having sex as much as humanly possible, thanks for asking

ZippyPeer · 10/05/2025 15:09

'im not discussing what is or isnt happening in my body with you MIL, now where shall we for lunch [insert other subject change here]'

Something like that?

dudsville · 10/05/2025 15:08

Can you pull out last minute with some illness?

annabelfr · 10/05/2025 15:05

anon12345anon · 10/05/2025 15:00

Not helpful (sorry) but I wouldn't be spending time with her....
Let your "d"h spend his free time with her.

Congratulations - hope everything goes well x

I’d love to not spend time with them but they want to spend time with our child (toddler age). I wouldn’t want my child unsupervised with them (they’re not dangerous… just that I don’t like them and don’t agree with them on many things so would like to supervise contact) so I have to be around when they’re together

OP posts:
anon12345anon · 10/05/2025 15:00

Not helpful (sorry) but I wouldn't be spending time with her....
Let your "d"h spend his free time with her.

Congratulations - hope everything goes well x