To respond more harshly next time my MIL tries to guess if I’m pregnant? How?

This! He should be taking her aside for a quiet word.

I think if you do say something it shouldn't be clever or quippy - just say 'ach MIL, I do feel quite stressed when you make references to whether or not I'm pregnant, could we just leave it? Thanks, really appreciate it.'

Out of interest, have you spoken to your own DM about your loss, tries to get pregnant and now current pregnancy?

Because it's too early and she's already had a miscarriage so doesn't want to announce the pregancy too early. Most people wait until after the 12 week scan. Plus her MIL sounds interfering and insensitive.

Hmmm, I can't decide between the sushi or the steak tartare..... oh look, chicken salad, I think I'll have that instead.

What the hell is wrong with people? It’s so so rude.

My sister in law has suffered two miscarriages (that I know of) and it’s broken her heart, and my brothers. I am 99% sure that she’s pregnant again after three recent family gatherings where I’ve quietly noticed things that would be out of character unless she is expecting, or indicate that she is again. However, I wouldn’t dream of saying a bloody word or asking either of them even in private. If she is, then they’ll tell us when she’s ready. DH noticed one of the same things as I did and mentioned it to me when we were alone later and I just said ‘yes I did notice but mind your own business, don’t you dare even hint about it!’

Clearly, if we’re correct and she is pregnant then they don’t want to tell anyone yet. We’re very close, we’d be amongst the first people that’d know, so if we don’t then they are keeping it to themselves. That’s fair enough in any circumstances but after heartbreaking losses, even more so.

My mother on the other hand, has no such tact and will frequently reference pregnancy, babies and grandchildren in a very annoying and knowing sort of way. She’s already got three grandchildren from me and two from our sister so it’s not a desperate to be a granny kind of thing. She’s just nosey, rude and thinks close family aren’t allowed any privacy or boundaries.

My sister in law is a very quiet, non-speaking up for herself type. She’d never be rude to my Mum. There have been a couple of times now though when she’s said something inappropriate that I’ve piped up quite childishly ‘ughhhh Mum, I really don’t want to have the thought of those two shagging in my head thanks very much, can we change the bloody subject?!’ accompanied by even more infantile vomiting noises. Ironically which earned me a reprimand from my mother for being vulgar.

Phone pinged a few minutes later, once. Sister in law. Weird, I thought when I’m in the same
house. I opened it, and she’d sent me an emoji of someone blowing a kiss, and “thanks”.

Someone will need to call her out on it OP. Better for you to do it yourself and then pull your DH into line if he whines, but if not, have you got any fiesty family members that’ll tell her to stick a giant sock in it? You need an ally!

I like this, accompanied by a look down the nose at her.

Another is the time honored MN repost, 'Did you mean to be so rude?' Again a sharp look down the nose..

I think you need to be totally direct. "Look MIL, you know how hard this has been fir us. Please stop referring to pregnancy and fertility - your comments are difficult to deal with Can we talk about something else? How about your piles - are they hanging out like bunches of grapes?". Tinkky laugh

Congratulations OP.

I think I'd MIL is this difficult I'd avoid approaching it whilst away. Whatever you say is highly likely to quickly turn into you being nasty to her and that won't be much fun on holiday. It seems like she wants to feel she knows before other people to feel special or as though there are no secrets between her and her son.
Remember she knows what's she's doing when she makes these remarks, i honestly would just literally ignore them completely and enjoy my trip.

At another time I would speak to her directly and probably say to her conversationally that I've noticed she makes this nature of comment a lot, and was wondering why that was. See what she says. I'd probably end up saying that there is already a lot of pressure surrounding this topic and more feels unnecessary, and that DP and I will share any future news when that feels comfortable for ua and be sure to shrug the whole thing off.

Tell who you like when you like OP, tell other people first by all means and maybe she will get through message if nothing else works. The boundary is that you make your decision, not the nature of what you quip back to her.

ChatGPT is your friend here

Stop worrying about what your DH feels about you saying it's inappropriate and just tell her. It's annoying and you want her to stop. You don't have to be angry or upset, just factual. If she or DH wants to get upset with you, that's their problem. If I were you I'd be annoyed with my DH for not backing me up!

"You have got to stop asking about our sex life, Sharon. It's getting really weird."

I’d be like ‘what is this weird behaviour?’

Cut her some slack, she's excited about the prospect of another grandchild. Why not just tell her?

I think I’d go with “I get this isn’t the most flattering dress /top but do I really look pregnant? I know I’m carrying a few extra pounds but be honest do I look pregnant?” Then try to look a bit upset.

Don't go just say on the morning you've got a headache and let them get on with it. She can annoy your DH and you can have a lovely day watching tv.

The first time she heads in that direction I would say something like: "You're really not very subtle, are you, MiL? If I get pregnant again we will tell you when the time is right, and in the meantime I am going to ignore any of your hints on the subject because it is intrusive and annoying."

Surely you need to not change tack now, or else she'll guess something is different? Do the same thing you've done before. Or don't go

Based on what you’ve already said about your DH (which isn’t giving a great impression), I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already told her which would explain the questions. She’s desperate for you to confirm so she can talk about it. You should prepare yourself for that fact and how to respond to your DH.

Did you mean to be so rude? The Mumsnet classic is perfect for this

I wouldn't go either.
Congratulations 🎊 🥰

Do you REALLY want a child with a man who won't defend you from his mother's bad manners and who would "flip" if you dealt with her yourself?

I agree you need to be direct with her

can you please stop the constant comments about pregnancy. I really don’t like it and I don’t want us to fall out over this.

she will have a big emotional reaction to this. But let her.

“Jane, if I’d been pregnant every time you hinted I was, I’d have been giving birth every five minutes!”

brilliant