To respond more harshly next time my MIL tries to guess if I’m pregnant? How?

I would be completely blunt to the point it stuns her but without cause for saying you are rude eg “MIL, you do realise we have had a miscarriage previously?? I find your intrusion into our personal situation really quite distressing and I/we could do without any anxiety levels being raised atm, if you wouldn’t mind it would help me and DH if you kept your thoughts on this matter to yourself”

even better get your prepped husband to say it!!!

Oh get a grip. She is carrying a baby. She and her husband call the shots. It’s not selfish, it’s protecting their privacy and what they can tolerate from an overbearing mother in law.

I don’t tell my mother major things until close to the time because she obsesses over it and picks it to bits and tells everyone within a 5 mile radius. It’s exhausting and it rips the joy out everything, and then if something goes wrong I have to manage her emotions and distress as well as my own, and sometimes I just don’t have the strength for that. People do the best they can, and you have to trust them to know what’s best for themselves and their children.

I would simply say “mmm, noted <insert name> in a deeply disinterested manner. And then change the subject.

She sounds like whatever is going on, it is merely a vehicle to make it all about her so non committal vague noises (not words) sound like the way to go. Think of it as entertaining the office bore or your husband when he feels the need to bore at length about something you have zero interest in.

It is OP's own journey for as long as she wants as she is the person carrying the baby. She can share this information with whoever she likes and she can keep this information from whoever she wants. It is her own medical information that she can keep private.

Grandparents have no rights even after the baby is born, never mind before it's been born. OP's MIL is overbearing and makes everything about her. OP has had a previous miscarriage and she wants to wait until she has had her first scan before telling people. That is her prerogative and her decision.

As OP's MIL is also part of Western society, I agree that she is self-centred.

Sounds like you’re one of those other family members that makes it all about themselves. OP and her H are the ones that matter here - it’s her body and therefore up to her who and when she tells the news to.

How about you - when was the last time you had sex, in the usual v in p way? Are you trying to conceive?

It feels a bit intrusive, doesn’t it?

I'm already annoyed on your behalf that your husband doesn't like you bring rude. I'd ignore your husband and if she does start saying things just say, "look, I know you want me to be pregnant- so do I- but it makes me feel really really uncomfortable when you constantly drop hints. I'll let you know when I'm pregnant." Hopefully if she's a nice person she'll understand and step back. Congratulations and I hope all goes well for you xx

Your husband needs to grow a back bone and stand up for you his wife, you shouldn't have to be the one saying anything x

Agree. All i am saying is to outside world it doesn’t look like she is having fertility issues, cause she was pregnant just 2-3 yrs ago i am guessing, m so i get why it doesnt cross mil mind she is being insensitive. Its natural also not to assume someone has had a miscarriage so i better say nothing.

i get why it might be annoying though and think the only way is to embarrass her and make her uncomfortable…oh u are not having any feta arent you.. oh Linda, we are having a lot of sex, as a matter of fact we humped like bunnies before we came over, you will be told when it happens

She may have tried for years to have her first child and/or she may have been trying for a couple of years to have her second. Some people have 'secondary' infertility where they had no problem conceiving their first child but have difficulties conceiving their second.

She doesn't want to tell her MIL about the pregnancy yet because she has had a recent miscarriage so wishes to wait until the 12 week scan which is perfectly reasonable. Her MIL has a tendency to have tantrums and meltdowns and to make everything about her so she wasn't informed about OP's miscarriage. If they tell her too early and OP then miscarries, even her DH has said that his mum would be a nightmare.

If you have a toddler you are barely “trying for years”….and since you are having a toddler it doesn’t indicate you might have any infertility issues…
congratulations but yabu. Her comments might annoy you but they are not evil.

This. Just don’t react at all. Behave as if she hasn’t spoken. Keep doing that.

That isn't what she said. She said she didn't want her child unsupervised with 'them' , her in-laws!

I'd definitely not be telling her until I'm 30 weeks or so, just to spite her 😁serves her right, she's not entitled to information about your body.

pregnancy is not just your own journey. there will be grandparents aunts and uncles who are equally excited. western society is so self centred sometimes. look at the bigger picture rather than focus on petty small things and letting them get to you. if they are eager for a grandchild then share the news. it’s not your news alone even if you are carrying the baby - it’s their grandchild.

Tell her that you had sex with her hunky son last Thursday and he shot his load so far up you that you are hoping it did the trick.

or tell her that this week you swallowed so no chance of baby.

would she like a text everytime you have sex

she is being inappropriate with you so let her know. She is allowed to be upset but you aren’t.

baby loss is hard and pregnancy after baby loss is so stressful.

OP's posts are already written almost entirely using AI - she doesn't need any more encouragement!

She is very manipulative and emotionally blackmailing you all. The comments are just the tip of the iceberg. I can just imagine what your husband went through living with such a mother. Since you have small kids, I suggest some family therapy with you husband where a counsellor can teach him how to put boundaries and probably recover some of the emotional abuse he has experienced as a kid. This is really more for your kids as she will manipulate them as well and you don’t know how your husband will be with them once they are a bit bigger due to the trauma he obviously has.

I think the next time she has a meltdown in front of you, you just tell her firmly to pack it in and then walk away

Do not entertain her nonsense. Shut her down every time

And if she carries on it's time for a full and frank conversation to tell her that you're not putting up with it any more. She's a grown woman ffs!

I'd be surprised if your DH won't say anything to her if she manages to corner him.

To me it feels like you're allowing you MIL to rule your life and feelings and everything revolves around her reaction to what you (both) are telling her.
It's not healthy for either of you.

Please put your boundaries up, let her have her strop. If she is texting / WhatsApp ing you, put her on silent, don't answer her wailing.

This kind of attachment is not healthy for you guys.

Lead your own lives away from fears of others reactions. It creates unnecessary stress for you and your baby xx

Sorry OP but you really need to stop being a doormat, to both your MIL and DH. Youre letting them walk all over you and not allowed to stand up for yourself. Fuck that! Stand up to her, and challenge your DH for being on her side. Every single time. He should be your team mate, he should want peace for your family and he should be on your side. If you're unhappy and want to call her out, he should accept that. It doesnt bode well for a happy future with this man if he cant stand up to mummy for you.

"When are you due?"

Although I'd probably do a silent pointed look and hold it until she got very uncomfortable. Every time. She'd soon stop.

I'd add on the end .."it's not very subtle, and also quite hurtful that you only seem interested in me as a grandchild making factory". Or something of that ilk. But to be fair, dh does need to step up a bit here and shield you from her shit.

To hell with what your husband thinks. He should have dealt with this already. It clearly makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to put up with that from anyone. Your husband is being a complete ar$ehole as well by not backing you.

Tell her it’s rude and she needs to stop. Tell her she is being inappropriate. She doesn’t get a free pass because she’s your MIL. Set that boundary early on and tell you not-so ‘D’H how it is because otherwise you’ll be having to put up with this forever. You are not being unreasonable.

EDIT: congratulations!!!! 🎈

Have you mentioned to your MIL that you find these questions annoying or upsetting? If you haven’t then I have to feel some sympathy with the woman who probably thinks she’s doing no harm.

Talk to her directly and explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable. I doubt she did it on purpose

Just say, when we have news to share, you'll be the first to know!
It doesn't have to be true.....also isn't a denial - you don't want to share the news yet.....