Baby at fertility show?

My reproductive endocrinologist did not allow children to be visible in the office.

*no one but me knew how heart wrenching it was in the sense that I would never let anyone else know I was struggling like that - not that others don’t understand infertility!

I am surprised at how mixed the responses are! I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I struggled so badly with my infertility (not saying you are, you sound way more reasonable than me!) - I would not have coped well at all with a baby not only being there at a lecture like that during such a heart breaking time but also with my attention being drawn to it. And yes, I do/did struggle with seeing happily pregnant women and young babies. I think it’s okay to admit that - no one but me knew how heart-wrenching it was. I wanted l/want one more than I wanted to breathe and someone else said, I wouldn’t have expected to see one at that kind of talk! Hope you’re okay xx

She isn’t talking about church. She’s talking about a paid event where she has gone to learn about something specific. I went to similar about developments in teaching, doesn’t mean I expect my class of year 10s to accompany me.

I don’t think it would be appropriate to have a baby in any lecture type environment, if you haven’t got a village then surely only one of you goes? If you’ve paid money to hear something you should be able to hear it without a child making noise over it. Realistically if you went to any other lecture style conference would you expect to have a child making noise in the corner?

I think it is also insensitive because of the context.

Can you not recognise that church is not an infertility talk?

This isn't OP saying people with babies should avoid her. She just wants to not hear a giggling baby while hearing about the painful 15k procedure with a 33% chance of success.

Lots of people who go through infertility treatment will spend thousands and not get a baby. It's OK to want a safe space in this one context.

Pork is allowed in general society too. Shall I rock up to a Muslim gathering with a hog roast?

I once went to a quiet retreat day at a convent run by some nuns and someone brought a baby. The baby was not quiet. I fed back that I thought it was inappropriate. I think you would be reasonable to do the same.

You honestly, HONESTLY, can’t see the difference?

If someone was widowed and went to a group therapy session about family/spousal bereavement and someone showed up with their very much alive spouse, do you see how that’s upsetting? Showing up with your spouse at church, not triggering because CONTEXT.

I think you need to feed it back to them and let them decide a policy for future events.

Babies are aloud at my church, no one bats an eyelid when they’re making a noise
why are you miffed about a baby going to an IVF conference, when the whole point of IVF is to create babies? Seems fitting a baby would be aloud to go

@Butterblycompletely agree with you, and this.

The stuff you were hearing about is an incredibly emotive and difficult situation, not the place for a baby. Honestly MN is barshit a lot of the time these days.

Sending you all the love and luck for it to all work out.

(Had a long infertility journey, IVF, TFMR. Now have a baby and wouldn’t be taking it to this sort of event even with secondary infertility!)

I think it’s insensitive of them to bring their baby to an event about infertility. Their child is still a baby and most wouldn’t think of a second at that point. The dad should’ve stayed home with the baby. Mum should’ve gone to the event alone or with a friend, family member.

Maybe their baby is adopted and they were deciding if IVF was for them?

You can’t control her either, so maybe stop trying?

I get it now, thank you. I suppose I was imagining the person with the baby couldn't get childcare but still has the right to be there? But yeah it clearly is rather inappropriate.

Nobody is saying that. But this was a fertility show. If you can’t be safe from other people”s babies at a place like that where can you be? Do people struggling with infertility not deserve safe spaces?

No one's suggesting that although it does beg the question of why someone with a young baby would be attending an infertility event unless maybe they have adopted a new born

Can you not appreciate that there's a difference between events relating to babies and infertility conferences?

Maybe babies could attend abortion clinics and miscarriage wards in hospitals too

Even if secondary infertility might be an issue, taking a baby to an event like this is so horribly, horribly tone deaf. Sorry this happened, @Butterbly, and sending hugs xxx

New parents aren’t being excluded.

I apologise if it was offensive. I just don't think it's fair to exclude new parents from an event relating to babies.
I said that she should complain and share her views with the organisers if she feels strongly about it.
I wasn't trying to be horrible though so sorry if it seemed like that x

I've gone through secondary infertility and IVF.

I didn't take my son to the clinic, or early pregnancy unit, because I'm not a dick. It's well known in infertility circles you keep babies away from these spaces. This will be why there was just the one baby in a room with a likely sizeable proportion of women with secondary infertility.

Most women will be processing a recent realisation that they are not going to get pregnant naturally, they don't need to hear a giggling baby while they are hearing about IVF FFS.

For maternity scans you almost always can't bring a child in with you, you need to sort childcare. It's the same here, except they didn't really need to go at all. There are other ways to find out the information.

No offense taken, imo, OP is being very self centered and giving off vibe having a baby and seeking IVF with your baby is offensive. She can’t control other people, or attendees. She can certainly choose to reframe her reactions & feelings, she does have control.

It never ceases to amaze me how dumb people are.

It’s not “oh, so we all have to keep our children locked up at home!”

It’s the ever (please note the dripping sarcasm) so slightly nuance: “just don’t bring a baby to an infertility event. Pizza Hut? Fine? Church? Fine? Supermarket? Fine. Pub? Fine. Café? Fine? Museum? Fine. Stripclub? Fine.”

Just not a fucking infertility context.

I doubt OP’s reaction is a choice. Also, criticising someone who is struggling with infertility for not struggling ‘correctly’ (according to you) … does not make you come across well. That is the politest way I can put it.