To think visiting DP’s family doesn’t count as a holiday?

Edit: sorry OP i see you are trying to learn the language and are doing better than you give yourself credit for.

I do feel sorry for you, your dp sounds a bit controlling. It will also be that he is subconsciously influenced by his background. His family don't go anywhere (my ILs don't ever leave the neighbourhood either and we couldn't pay them a million dollars to sit on a plane so I get it).
So for your DH, he has a different comparison scale and has no need for holidays like you.

OP, it really sounds like your DP need to compromise. Explain to him that the deal isn't working for you and either he hires a car and agrees to so.e days in Budapest or you are not going. It can't be one-sided.

I'm in a similar situation but we do drive. Both our sets of parents are in different countries. We have said goodbye to family holidays for the next few years, all budget is spent on visiting them.

BUT we do hire a car when there and visit things every single day. There are things to do everywhere in the world.
I enjoy the benefits (cooking, childcare option) and enjoy the exploring too.

And unlike you I've taken on learning the language.

@Ablondiebutagoody , I doubt it, but I'm sure you'd find it a hoot.

Competitive and you’re a shut up and put up because it’s worse for you. Perhaps someone will have an experience that rivals yours and will tell you that they can’t understand why it’s tough for you.

@RhiannonTheFlorist I’m sorry I’m going to have to be rude here and call you a mug. You’re far too nice and are being treated like a doormat.

You are allowing your partner to control how you spend your hard earned holiday fund money and where you have to go.

Why are you going along with this? Are you afraid of him? Who made him your boss and tell you what you should do re: holidays.

If I were you I’d go every other year with him and dc. He could visit as often as he wants alone with his money. He needs to FaceTime/Zoom etc with them regularly with dc so his relatives can see her progress and she can chat with them in Hungarian.

What would happen if you suggested this? Would he hit you? I sincerely hope not! So what could be the worst that would happen? He’d have a bit of a strop/sulk. So what. It’s time to speak up and be in charge of your life. Do what you want to do. Stop being a mug and a matyr to your partner’s wishes.

Lucky guess!

But you doubt wrong. Again. Middle of nowhere, dirt roads, people getting around on horseback kind of place. There's still fun to be had.

Again, why can he not take their DD to Hungary without OP?

I would not give a flying 🦆 if my DH was bored for a couple of weeks a year which I am sure he is sometimes but he sucks that up. He lives in his country for the rest of the year and there are many things with the U.K. I have to suck up too. It’s compromising.

Why is their sadness more important than yours and why are you paying to make them happy but no one seems to give a s**t about yours?

Holidays and Overseas trips are joint decisions. I am afraid you have one option and that is to say you aren’t going as he is being unreasonable. You are putting the money into saving for a holiday somewhere else with just DD and you. He will have to go on his own.

If he had been reasonable, then you could have alternated Christmas and off-peak cheaper summer holiday whilst not in school. But if he is being unreasonable then you have to say no. Sadly if you do go anywhere after this, he will spoil it by having a negative attitude and being miserable about not visiting home.

PP i could never go there ..
Sounds just awful 😞

That sounds hard, I also wouldn't want to spend my holidays like that.
Would it be an option to organise a holiday somewhere cheap, and pay for them to come too? Or just pay for them to come to you?

Of course YANBU. Visiting his family doesn't need to be so awful, but they all make it so and are completely inflexible.

The year you spend Xmas in Hungary, you and DD go on a different holiday in the summer. You get a say in how your money is spent!

Your DH can choose to visit family again or join you and DD on a different holiday.

I'm from a country really far away and visiting family doesn't feel like a holiday and it's extremely expensive. I'd love to visit more if it was cheaper and the journey was shorter, but our family needs holidays just us too, so we only visit once every few years. It's very unfair of your DH to expect you to never have another holiday except for visiting his family.

@MrsDexterr It says in OP’s post: the only entertainment is tv and drinking. Believe me, plenty of ppl live like that.

It doesn’t say OP’s husband is not willing but I’d bet my hat on he isn’t if he’s got no consideration of how incredibly bored OP must be there. Everybody laughing/drinking while she’s sober looking after kids.

I had 25 years of only visiting my DH’s family as a holiday. We did have the odd weekend away, a cheap UK holiday perhaps, but nothing major. I resented it at times, I was visiting Africa so very exotic- but even though I may have been on safari I was still with my irritating in-laws. I hear you, but I feel we have to suck it up.

Your DP pays for the home country visit once a year. You pay for a U.K. holiday once a year so that your child can discover the U.K. Christmas on a shared basis - one year in your dp home country and the next with your family.

My inlaws live in the Balaton area and even then I always think of myself as hard done by when I have to go over!
Your portrait of the small village is so familiar - exactly like the village my inlaws live in. There used to be a shop that looked like some kind of pre iron curtain dystopia, it's long gone, and there's nothing else public in the village other than the church. My inlaws retired there 20 years ago and despite MIL being good with languages (she speaks French and Italian in addition to her native German) she never got on with Hungarian and can speak enough to do her shopping and stuff but no more than that. We are lucky enough to be on a bit higher budget than you, and DH has no links to Hungary other than his inlaws, so we hire an Airbnb when we're there, we stay in Budapest a day or two, and we hire a car from the airport - is the rail connection still a 2 mile hike from the arrivals?
I think your husband is being pretty unreasonable here - of course visiting his parents is important to him but let's not pretend it's a holiday to you because it's not. So you're funding his holidays out of your own pocket and getting none of your own? And he's not even trying to compromise. With a child not yet in school you could be making the most of off peak flights by flying out like on a Tuesday afternoon in term time, but he's dictating when you go as well, he doesn't want to go alone either - he would want to remember that he was the one who wanted to leave Hungary. I've been there, it's hard especially when you realise your kids are not the same culture as you. But once you have your family you need to make your mind up to it a bit.

Have you learnt a language of a country when you don’t live in the country? Thought not. Do you speak any other languages other than English? Obviously not.

I moved to the US to marry my husband. I don't regret it but we only see my family once a year, if that. It costs a lot of money and it's a huge trip, but if my husband told me he was tired of spending time with my family and wanted to go to the beach instead I would be heartbroken. That is his family and your child's grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. You are being selfish. If you want a different holiday you can surely go away for a couple of nights in the UK or something. Or go to France for a few nights, that won't break the bank.

Where does it say the husband doesn’t want to look after the child and everyone is drinking all the time? Again, if this was written by a man, the answers would have been so different!

It would require more buses, but why don't you go to a resort while you're there? Guessing from the language, but Poland has lots of coast and Hungary has lake and spa resorts. It's not Spain but its still a holiday. I have sympathy: we're stuck going back to ugly bits of the UK with horrible rural buses for our holidays, which costs much more than €1000! That's life though

Sounds grim OP. You shouldn’t have to endure this. Certainly does not sound like a holiday. Draw a line under these twice yearly trips and go once a year instead.

Reading back, you’re right. I’d also understand OP not feeling comfortable letting a 2 year old stay if everyone’s drinking every night and also wanted if her husband would even want to look after his own child for the entire length of time.

Flights to Hungary costs the same as going to a beach holiday in peak season. While the child is this young I’d avoid the summer months as well.

No she has said this or this is what I understand from her post, though she has not come back to clarify. I have said in all my posts that I understand that OP doesn’t go, but that he should be able to go with his child.

I also don’t understand that it can be that expensive to fly to Hungary if you book your tickets I’m in advance etc

I think this is one of the things to consider if you marry someone from another country. You don’t really have “holidays” your annual leave is spent visiting their relatives. This should have been discussed before marrying.

OP never said she wouldn’t let her husband take their child though, so you’re talking about a completely different scenario.

Your DP needs to go on his own every other year, and choose cheap off-peak times to go. If it's just about seeing family then he can pick a random weekend in March, for example.

I'm also married to a Hungarian with a bilingual child, I do speak Hungarian but I can't keep up with multiple people talking at once. I've been learning for 15 years, I went to night school, do Duo Lingo every day and still am not fluent. I already speak 2 languages fluently, so it's not lack of ability or effort - Hungarian is really hard to learn.

We've generally gone with every other year for a Hungary holiday, but DH is extremely careful to make me feel included when I'm there, and translates for me when needed. We also don't spend all our time indoors drinking!
If Budapest is too expensive and Balaton is too far, why not go for somewhere like Dunabogdány (cheap, lovely clean sandy beach), or Leányfalu (hot springs, gorgeous all year outdoor spa pools), or Szentendre (city, lots to do, nice beach)? All near Budapest (1h on the bus) you could get a Panzio for a few days really cheaply, then carry on to your DH's village.