To think visiting DP’s family doesn’t count as a holiday?

Yup.

There was a kafana [coffee house/pub] in Dad's village when I was a teenager. By then, I had done Russian at school and could at least understand some words of Serbian* and order a coffee.

Mum and I ventured in. There were looks... One other woman appeared - the village alcoholic.

When we got back to Aunty's, it was "Why did you go into the kafana? I can make you coffee!"

*Some words are very similar, but there are also 'false friends'.

Can't his family visit you sometimes? That way they can see their grandchild and you don't have to take the whole week off of work.

I used to send DH and DD off 2 to 3 times a year to visit his family. I speak their language fluently but didn't want to spend all my hard earned AL with his family as needed proper holidays. DH and DD benefitted as got more holidays with me.
Why can't you do that OP?

OP, I’ve had more of a think about this and I’m firmly team YANBU. If you’re not allowed to do anything to make the holiday better (Budapest, other destinations within Hungary or neighbouring countries), then it really would be boring and repetitive for you if you can’t drive, don’t speak the language and are essentially stranded. Once a year is enough!

One of the things that makes my husband’s family easy is there are not many of them and they are also quite respectful of our time. We always see his grandparents for a meal (a feast really), but other than that, if we see cousins, it’s great, if not, no problem. We go 2-3 times a year and I enjoy their company despite the language barrier. He is also, crucially, from a city.

OP is getting a lot of the brunt here, but he’s the one who emigrated. I’m usually team MIL on these threads as a mum of boys, but it sounds horrific, he chose to move away, he’s created this, not the OP.

I had this situation - closer European country than Hungary though. We solved it by DH going alone. He could then chat in his home language to his heart’s content, visit the extended family and old friends and not worry about us at all. Once we had two children, the airfare for four of us was too much.

When his mother was widowed, we used to pay her airfare to come to us at Christmas and once more during the year. She could stay for a week and she built good relationships with her DGC.

And this was in the days before FaceTime, WhatsApp etc which allow much more frequent interaction.

My DH made the decision to stay in the UK and that inevitably requires that things look a little different. You can’t be expected to sacrifice your well deserved and hard earned holiday time like this; you presumably contribute financially to your household and have an equal say in the decisions that re made. Time to put your foot down.

OP I take my children and leave DH at home as it is not a holiday for him sitting in someone’s else’s home.

This means that we can afford a holiday together with our children as well.

As for how often the OP sees her family, that’s not relevant as she is not forcing her DH to spend his precious annual leave sitting in their house.

YANBU

Although not as far, I live in a different country to my birth country. We go back 1-2 times per year and have no other holidays. My DH doesn't usually come with us, I go to see my family and friends, but mainly for my parents to have contact with their grandchildren. I really miss home, wish we all lived there, but I agree with you, it isn't a holiday!! Staying with family, little mind your OH's family can be a real chore. Even more so in your case due to the remoteness, travel sickness and language barrier.

Your DH is being ridiculous. It's unfair of him to not "let you" have a proper holiday. Staying with family is NOT a holiday! If he wants to go twice per year, then he should go one of those times on his own. And you go away with your sister and children without him. If he's not happy with that, then tell him his family are more than welcome to come stay with you anytime.

Actually this year, I've said to my DH that we're not going to go back to my family twice, which I do feel bad about (aging parents), but I've realised I'm in my mid fucking 40's now, and I always go back to stay with parents and never get a proper holiday myself. So, this year, we're going elsewhere, all of us including DH, then later in the year, we will go back to my birth country, but we're going to stay elsewhere in accommodation to make it an actual holiday and spend limited time with family. This is mostly due to a fall out last time we were back and me being quite frankly fucked off at the amount we spent on the trip to be treated as we were by an angry family member. They didn't speak to me for half of our stay which was both awkward and rude. My DH was with us for that trip and he was as annoyed at I was (he lost a week's income for a shitty stay, plus dog sitting costs).

Which part sounds nice? The alcoholic father? The motion sickness? The mundanity of visiting the same place over and over with their income?

So would DP be open to taking DD without you? He has no accommodation costs, so it's not like a package holiday where a single costs almost as much as a double.

It's must be boring going to the same remote village twice a year, or at least once a year. Do they ever visit you?

I think a bit more compromise from you both would help. There are fairly cheap BA flights available to Budapest at various morning times, depending on of course where you are flying from. You’re saying you can’t afford BA but you can afford nights in a nice hotel.
DP is not trying to make this more palatable for you, so maybe he and DD could go without you? Maybe someone in his family could help with transport, maybe DP could research more how he can hire a car, or pay for a relative to hire a car to drive you around? Do none of them drive?
It’s hard when everyone is on a tight budget, I do understand that, but it’s important for DP and DD to see his family regularly. Could you pay for the parents to fly to you?
Id suggest that he starts teaching you Hungarian, that he speaks to DD in Hungarian, and encourages his family to learn English- it won’t be so hard for them, with all the English tv and film available. I’d be surprised if most of the younger generation didn’t learn to speak another language or 2 at school.

Could you hire a summer house in his home country, with a pool ...and invite his family to visit you at the rented house ?

Thank you.

I love my relatives very much, but staying in a village in central/eastern Europe really isn't a relaxing holiday. I don't know about the OP's situation, but when we visited former Yugo, there was always pressure/expectations that we visit every one in the family.

When I went back as a married woman with my husband, his hope was that we could have a base that relatives could come and visit, but that wasn't how it worked out.

The first time, DH drove us to Serbia, towing a caravan...We must have been mad. (I do not recommend dealing with Serbian border guards/grifters.)

We did manage to have a bit of a holiday on the way back to Scotland - we stopped in a lovely caravan site in Ptuj [ETA: Slovenia] on the way back and also a lovely campsite in Belgium.

Or can you as a family pay the airfare for his DF ? Means one person rather than 3 so at least cheaper.

Hard one. I had all this.

ex is from a village in souther Europe. Every freaking time off spent there and he refused any holidays. Once DS born it was three times a year.

there would be a huge row if on the odd occasion I said I stay behind. He didn’t make the sacrifice of leaving his family to live in uk. He wanted to be here.

waa easier in that I picked up the language quickly.

atm you don’t have the finances for both. Can amity not ch one to you?

Can you and DD at least cut the trip short and spend a few days in Budapest in an Airbnb or budget hotel ? It’s a great place with loads to do, it seems unfair you can’t at least enjoy the upside of traveling to Hungary. Or find other places in the country.

I would say going forward one family visit per year, then DH has a separate trip either solo or with DD. That seems a fairer way to do it, and no a trip visiting and staying at relatives doesn’t count as a holiday unless they own a beach house and even then it’s debatable.

That has already been answered. They can't afford to travel.

Fuck that ! He can visit his family on hos own in the summer the op shouldn’t have to go twice and never have her own holiday again.
why can’t his parents sometimes visit him.

id book my own trip with your toddler and leave him to go home

how bloody boring having to go the same place every year.

I barely ever visit my husbands family - he goes alone or takes the kids with him. My annual leave is precious and I don’t waste it on trips like that

If I was married to your DH, I'd be suggesting every other summer & every other Christmas. That way his family still get to see him and their grandchildren every year.

Surely this is irrelevant. If they live close by of course she will see them more regularly. That doesn't mean she needs to travel twice a year to a different country. Once a year sounds reasonable and why can't his family sometimes visit OP?

OP, I’m Hungarian. Your visits to a little village with smoking/drinking sounds like nightmare and not a holiday.
I visit family with my kids but we go to the Balaton, stay in Bp and the likes. And even then I can’t wait to come back after about 10 days.
Definitely not a holiday. Rent a car, make it a longer holiday and pop over to Croatia even.
Even I feel shortcut when we can’t have a ‘proper’ holiday but I love the sea.

It you are going at Christmas I think it's perfectly reasonable to go somewhere else in the summer. And perhaps only have the summer trips when you are not spending Christmas with them. Also could his family visit you?