To think visiting DP’s family doesn’t count as a holiday?

I don’t mean this nastily, but how old is your DP’s father? With his alcoholism and heavy smoking, he may not live to a ripe old age, so the imperative to go back to Hungary may lessen naturally soon anyway.

So you see your family once a month.

Hes only seeing his twice a year, I dont think that's a lot. It sounds like a whole different culture, which your daughter dwarves to be a part of. It's only a week.

Won't say it when you are visiting Scotland - they don't seem to be in a hurry to return to Poland. Same goes for other Central and Eastern Europeans. In Poland, a Polish doctor's average monthly salary is around 10,000 PLN (approximately $2,409 USD) - and that is doctors.

I lived in Budapest for a couple of years and loved it but agree with you about the countryside.

could you all (his family included) head down to Balaton for the summer trip? That feels like a proper holiday and is great for kids. My kids loved it there.

Also language wise - it is so hard, I get it. I worked 121 with a tutor an hour a day for over a year and got fairly good at getting by/ around etc but nowhere near fluency

You're a bit out of date. Poland joined the EU more than 20 years ago, and the quality of life there is now pretty much as good as the UK, from what I hear, and their access to healthcare is probably better. Even before Brexit the number of Polish immigrants to the UK was declining.

Why can't the year you do Christmas there you do a summer holiday instead of going there twice? So it's basically once a year you are going which seems to be happening on alternate years anyways. So why not just make it a yearly thing of going there once?
So one year you go there for summer. One year you do a holiday. And on the years you do your own summer holiday you are doing Christmas there anyways?

Aye, they don't think UK is better, but they persist in living in misery, right? Make it make sense? Especially Central Europe. Not like it is a Western European country.

I’m Hungarian. Medical schools do run courses in English, most ppl attending them won’t be Hungarian. Doctors working in remoteish hospitals definitely won’t be speaking English, the ones that do will be in the capital or abroad.

This is such a tricky one. It definitely doesn't sound like a holiday at all for you, but it sounds like visiting his family is more important for him than a holiday which makes sense. It's a shame he's not willing to compromise to make it a bit more enjoyable for you by spending some time outside of his village. I think if you skip the summer one on the year you go for Christmas, but if he still goes then I think you should let him take your daughter - They are her family too, and it's nice that she can spend time with her grandparents and experience the culture and language that is also hers.

Tonnes. You are being very melodramatic.
DP's family also speak Portuguese and pretty much no English. I love going over there (and the journey is way longer than a plane and a bus). I'm always made to feel very welcome, especially when drinking. Sounds like she needs to make more of an effort to get involved rather than mope around looking sour.

When DH and I lived in our home country we hardly saw our parents at Christmas as my work had a holiday stop from mid-December until second week in January.

We lived 600km and 6 hours drive away from them. We tried to see them once a year, often met my PIL when they were on holidays in a more reachable distance and made an effort for big occassions.

We now joke that it takes basically the same amount of time to go to them from London then when we lived back home.

And - not everyone has always the need to visit constantly, we manage with zoom perfectly and I actually find that if I am vistiting I need at least one full day away from them to recharge. The same goes if I see my mum.

Jesus Christ. There’s always one.

You an expert? Thinking there are no English speakers in Hungary? The medical schools in Hungary teach in ENGLISH. Many Hungarians study medicine in English speaking countries: US, Canada, UK, Singapore.
It’s easy to find English speaking doctors or find MDs trained in English speaking counties. Hungary is not a backwater w no bilingual doctors.
The US embassy website for most countries have a link for English speaking medical care … British not always have a list.
hu.usembassy.gov/wp-content/uploads/sites/154/2024/12/Budapest-Medical-Providers-updated-12-2024.pdf

I think you're doing amazingly well with both the visits and the language learning. I've taken DS to visit his foreign GPs a grand total of once (he's 24 now) and only speak a handful of words in their language, which appears to be far easier than Hungarian. I don't see why you need to go twice a year tbh: once a year all together should be plenty, especially given the logistical difficulties and the fact that your DP's village makes Craggy Island look like a cosmopolitan metropolis in comparison!

We have a savings pot specifically for the Hungary trips.

I’d stop paying into this OP. You partner is not being remotely fair. He can spend his money visiting as often as he wants, but he’s controlling the small amount holiday you have and making it only about him. Because where you have to go sounds fucking awful. Once a year is enough.

dbm

He should be able to see his family at least twice a year.

He can, but OP does not need to.

Have you ever spent a day with people who you can't communicate with 'Ablondiebutagoody', because I can tell you, that when we lived in Portugal, even an evening trying to communicate when you're not fluent in the language, feels like torture, rather than fun. So please don't tell the OP that it sounds like a nice trip, she must be bored out of her head and very lonely most of the time they're there, especially as she says that once they start drinking, they forget that she doesn't understand what they're saying.

No I do - you are more than welcome to your opinions and views which aren’t right or wrong but then neither are mine. It’s a view and I stand by mine but happy you want to disagree.

He could still do that if he accepted the OP's offer of a compromise where she could at least have a break in Budapest. She works hard: she's surely allowed to spend her hard earned money on a holiday which allows her some relaxation.

I understand.

My dad's sister was offended because we didn't stay with her. Bluntly, the living conditions were not appropriate for an adolescent girl.

Facilities throughout the village were much the same, but that particular aunt's husband failed to maintain theirs properly.

@SipandClean I don’t think that anyone’s saying that he shouldn’t see his family, it’s whether the OP needs to come on every single visit. If she doesn’t, they might have some extra money for a short break for the three of them.

What do you think?

Having lived abroad I know how important those trips home are. You are being selfish. He should be able to see his family at least twice a year.

@Calmdownpeople You don’t seem to accept that we can have different opinions though!

In your posts, you call the OP “very selfish” and say that it’s “awful” for her husband.

Cos it's forrin innit, and it's all roughly the same place.

The countries are not even neighbours.