Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to let my partner drive my car

62 replies

Watersounds · 10/05/2025 10:47

NC

Backstory: I have always had my own car, see it as a symbol of my independence as I was a single parent for a while and is absolutely necessary where we live.

We both had own car, no issues, DP never wanted to drive mine as he had his own etc. About a year ago DP lost his job and we struggled financially even though I am main breadwinner. The decision was made to get rid of my car (it was older, needed some work etc) and we went down to one car which wasn’t too bad as DP rarely needed it. He got a job after about 6 months and all was well. I wanted a new car for me but couldn’t justify it as we had used one car for ages and we were cautious about more spending more money until he passed probation etc. Then DP wanted a bigger car (for work) so he saved up and traded etc to buy one, he was thrilled.

4 months on from that I have saved up some money and put a large deposit down on a very nice car and the finance is in my name only. It’s my car and I’m very excited.

DP has already started about how he can’t wait to drive it, he wants to take it when he goes X, he wants to drive to his parents in it etc how he will drive it when we go away etc. keeps referring to it as the family car.

I don’t want him to, told him so and he copped the hump terribly. Saying how I was happy to drive his car for a year (yes because we didn’t have any others) and how I was basically just a bitch for not sharing it.

It is not even here yet and he has said he will take it for the first drive to get fuel etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LateForMyOwnFuneral · 10/05/2025 11:10

Why are you putting him on your insurance?

SwanRivers · 10/05/2025 11:07

Watersounds · 10/05/2025 11:04

Thanks for your honesty. I’m struggling to see if I am being unreasonable genuinely. For the record I have not driven his new car at all and am not insured to drive it. I asked the other day if he would add me to it incase I needed it ever, he said ‘no, it would be too expensive’

Show quote history

Well this is something you should've put in your opening post then.

In that case YANBU.

Cognacsoft · 10/05/2025 11:07

Watersounds · 10/05/2025 11:04

Thanks for your honesty. I’m struggling to see if I am being unreasonable genuinely. For the record I have not driven his new car at all and am not insured to drive it. I asked the other day if he would add me to it incase I needed it ever, he said ‘no, it would be too expensive’

Show quote history

Just read your update.
Tell him to f off.

Mrsttcno1 · 10/05/2025 11:07

I don’t understand how two adults who live together and presumably share their lives can end up having such petty arguments.

We have two cars, one is technically “mine” and the other is technically “his”, but we both use both of them depending on need & which works better for that trip. I honestly cannot imagine ever saying no to him asking to use my car, just like I can’t imagine him ever telling me no.

Cognacsoft · 10/05/2025 11:06

I got a new car in March.
Dh has driven it once.
He knows its mine, I'm so proud of it and he will not drive it without my permission unless it's an emergency.
Dh finds all of this hilarious.

You're allowed your own stuff op.
Just don't put him on the insurance.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 10/05/2025 11:05

You only drive his car to plug the family finances when he lost his job.

nomas · 10/05/2025 11:05

Watersounds · 10/05/2025 11:04

Thanks for your honesty. I’m struggling to see if I am being unreasonable genuinely. For the record I have not driven his new car at all and am not insured to drive it. I asked the other day if he would add me to it incase I needed it ever, he said ‘no, it would be too expensive’

Show quote history

So he’s a hypocrite, there’s a surprise.

Tell him no!

Original poster
Watersounds · 10/05/2025 11:04

SwanRivers · 10/05/2025 10:51

YABU because you were happy to use his car for so long.

Although the 'first drive' bit will probably sway the voting and the 'bitch' bit obviously.

I'd make it clear I'm happy for him to borrow it sometimes but that it's very much mine and that I get first dibs, including the first drive.

It'd be weird to not let him drive it at all and may come back to bite you in the future.

Edited

Thanks for your honesty. I’m struggling to see if I am being unreasonable genuinely. For the record I have not driven his new car at all and am not insured to drive it. I asked the other day if he would add me to it incase I needed it ever, he said ‘no, it would be too expensive’

OP posts:
Original poster
Watersounds · 10/05/2025 11:02

Gazelda · 10/05/2025 10:51

He called you a bitch? That would be a line for me.

but I must admit that I’d think it incredibly petty if my DP wouldn’t allow me to drive my car. I wouldn’t consider it as taking advantage or minimising my ownership of the vehicle.

how long have you been together?

Been together 4 years. He didn’t actually call me a bitch but said ‘it’s pretty bitchy’ and has been off with me ever since.

OP posts:
nomas · 10/05/2025 11:02

YANBU. Do not add him to your insurance.

SwanRivers · 10/05/2025 10:51

YABU because you were happy to use his car for so long.

Although the 'first drive' bit will probably sway the voting and the 'bitch' bit obviously.

I'd make it clear I'm happy for him to borrow it sometimes but that it's very much mine and that I get first dibs, including the first drive.

It'd be weird to not let him drive it at all and may come back to bite you in the future.

Gazelda · 10/05/2025 10:51

He called you a bitch? That would be a line for me.

but I must admit that I’d think it incredibly petty if my DP wouldn’t allow me to drive my car. I wouldn’t consider it as taking advantage or minimising my ownership of the vehicle.

how long have you been together?