Am I being too overprotective?

33 replies

GwenSaturn · 10/05/2025 10:29

DH and I have always had different approaches to parenthood but we’re struggling even more now the kids are a bit older and it’s causing conflict.

Here’s the latest one. DD, 12, friend at school has her invited to a sleepover at her dad’s house. It’s a new friendship and we’ve never even met the girl, let alone her dad! We don’t know where either of the parents live, who’s in the house, anything about them or who else is staying over. I said no, absolutely no way. DD was totally fine about this and admitted she was a bit apprehensive about staying somewhere she didn’t know anyway.

Then DH walks in the room and DD tells him about it. He says, yeah that’s fine, you can go. I was shocked! Obviously I explain all the reasons why I think she shouldn’t go but DH says we’ll invite the girl over to suss her out, get some info and it’ll all be fine. I think we need to get to know them over a few MONTHS not a few weeks. I don’t mind her going over there for a few hours but a sleepover so soon seems a big step. He says he doesn’t see what the big deal is. I’ve let her have sleepovers with families we know. I just don’t feel comfortable if I don’t know them.

I have reasons in my past to be cautious about letting my children stay over strangers houses, so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement.

It just makes me feel like he just doesn’t care. Aren’t dads supposed to be protective over their girls?

AIBU?

OP posts:

Teacaketravesty · 10/05/2025 10:40

There is no safe option, OP. That’s the hard thing. We let them take risks or we definitely harm their development/mental health in the long run. I’m sorry you’ve horrible experiences, your fears are totally understandable.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 10/05/2025 10:37

In secondary school I let my dc decide on sleepovers..
They surely have a phone if they want to come home?

Teacaketravesty · 10/05/2025 10:37

And yes to phone and agreement about a code for pick me up NOW, eg ‘good night mummy’ (my kids don’t call me mummy) by text or call.

Redpeach · 10/05/2025 10:35

I agree with your dh

Bigearringsbigsmile · 10/05/2025 10:35

I'm with you. Not a chance.

Teacaketravesty · 10/05/2025 10:35

I wouldn’t need months but I would need to have met the girl at least a couple of times, the address, phone number and to have at least had a conversation with the dad. I’m not sure how much security knowing someone for months or years really offers - CSAbusers are often charming and know how to make parents relax. I go more on how the kid seems and absolutely, at least one shorter visit first so my kid can get a feel and decide on the sleepover or if that needs to be at our house. I do this with any new friend, not exclusively a single dad family.

NuffSaidSam · 10/05/2025 10:33

I think he's right that you get to know them, find out the answers to the questions you have (where do they live, who else will be there etc) and then let her go.

Realistically, you're not going to know them any better after a few months than you will after a few weeks. She's more likely to be abused by one of the families that have won your trust over many years than a new family.

Make sure she's briefed on what to do if she's uncomfortable with anything and has a phone and then let her go.

ItGhoul · 10/05/2025 10:33

I think you’re being OTT. Your daughter is 12 and I’m assuming capable of making a phone call to you if she’s not happy or doesn’t feel comfortable.

Friendships come and go at that age. It’s not like primary school where you get to know the other parents at the school gates. You are not going to get to know the girls’ parents over a few months; it just isn’t like that at secondary school.

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