to think most women are still doing the majority of parenting?

Yes all of my friends seem to be doing the majority of housework and child rearing whilst also working full time.

When my child was 5 months old a random woman on the beach stopped to tell my child’s father that he was such a good dad and it was so nice to see an involved father. This was from witnessing him playing with him for a few minutes and it was actually the first time he’d met his child and I had to fly to another country to bring my child to see him or he wouldn’t have bothered. Fathers seem to get praise for the bare minimum.

I think if a woman wants a hobby like her partner does she should make it happen. He has his golf on a Saturday she has tennis on a Sunday for example. Just do it. The kids can be with their dad for a few hours surely.

I had very very long chats with my now ex about what my opinions of parenting and how we worked as a team, he had the same viewpoint. I thought i had it covered.
For example, while on maternity leave I was happy to do nights because he would be at work, but Friday night he would do night duty. This was agreed. If he did one Friday a month it was a good month. When I returned to work I said we had to do every other night, we were both in full time management roles. Funnily enough he didn't.
He never did a playdate, never planned a birthday or party, did a quick click for a toy last minute to show interest after I'd showed him everything I'd sorted.
Unfortunately, even though I thought I'd discussed expectations, it doesn't always work out.

Also, i know very few men who work part time. I know very few men who have planned half of the birthday party or even know all of the details, etc.

However with my group of friend's husbands I see almost equal partners. They are stepping up. But they still get more free time, more hobbies, they get more praise for what they do as an active parent.

Judging from the dating threads on here, a large proportion of women prioritise men who fulfil "traditional" gender roles and who are only attracted to ambitious "providers". As I say on those threads they shouldn't be surprised if a man with traditional gender views turns out to have all the traditional gender views about a man's place being at work and a woman's at home, not just paying for her dinner while dating.

All the egalitarian parenting relationships I see involve both partners consciously rejecting that traditional dynamic, and it's surprisingly not as easy as it sounds, because there are all sorts of pressures and expectations on both of them.

However if you want a more egalitarian set-up you have to put the effort in to make it happen, because ultimately no one can step in and make your relationship more equal for you.

Yes. Just being honest I always saw my mother as the caring one. Dad worked hard to provide for the family. It didnt occur to me that my mother might have been pissed off that she did the majority of the day to day parenting.

Aren't children biologically hard wired to cleave to their mother first? That must cause some issues nowadays.

"And the millions of self employed? What do they do? Apart from lose money if they take extra time off."

Well exactly. As I've said society seems to prioritise men working over caring for / bonding with their children.

It's not quite as simple as "men are just not interested...."

So what can women do about it then?

@Walkden And the millions of self employed? What do they do? Apart from lose money if they take extra time off. The whole leave bit revolves around employment. Not the self employed who need to run business as they don’t run themselves.

DH does the lions share of parenting (including flights after I lost my temper with dc a few years ago!) here but as pp have said I've got most of the mental load and he's not brilliant at housework. Who knows, maybe these useless fathers are all dusting skirting boards every weekend 😁

"Men are not interested in shared parental leave which is a lot longer than 2 weeks."

They are in countries where they are not financially penalised for using it. In the UK most cannot afford to use it unless their employer offers enhanced benefits....

Equally it requires women to give up some MP. A few posters on this thread have used it.

From your own source
“a policy that pays virtually no money, is ridiculously complex to administer and requires men to take leave away from the mothers of their children didn't work all that well”.
"

Plus it mentions gendered barriers for men....

Most of the fathers I know bar one do equal care for their children, but I do see on here a lot of men not pulling their weight. But then I remind myself that people come on here to complain and vent as an outlet so it’s not necessarily indicative of what’s going on in general society.

DH definitely does more with the kids than I do, and I pick up more of the housework and tasks that keep the household running. We are a team and it works well.

I was at a fast food type place (sort of like Nando’s the other day where two couples with a toddler each made a complete mess. They had packed lunch for the toddlers and there was cucumbers, bread, grapes etc strewn all over the table and floor and walkway. When they were done, I half expected them to leave the mess but the men just stayed sitting whilst the women cleared up the table and even got on their knees to clean the floor.

"Does this men switch off in their own homes with their own children?"

Judging by many many post here some do. A lot of people would comment how crucial it is for mother's bond with their children and have up to year to do so. Men get 2 weeks.....are we surprised lots of men end up as secondary caregiver, and prioritise the provider role instead?

The state expects them to prioritise their jobs over their children....

We aim for 50:50 but only because I am not prepared to get mugged off by my partner. If he hadn't have stepped up he would have been kicked out. If I hadn't have set VERY clear boundaries then he would have taken the piss. That's not right though is it? He should have just stepped up.

And as for mothers gate keeping tasks, some may do this but the reason I have to do this is because he has read nothing on how to raise children, what they need, what is healthy...so no, it's not instinct but taking responsibility to know what to do.

We are slowly building back up now that he is doing more of his fair share but it will take a while for him to earn my full respect back.

I'll bite but, traditional since when? For 95% of human history we've raised kids in groups with the fathers heavily involved and without the demands of modern life (school, jobs, life admin). There's nothing traditional in a woman doing everything for her children while also often working a salaried job while the father does fuck all.

Not the case for my family, we aim for 50:50 but in reality my husband definitely does more than me (including on flights!) Most of our friends with young kids annd most of my colleagues are also 50:50, or one parent may do more if the other has a more demanding job but that could be either the mother or father. And we are older parents!

@cardycardi don't know if this is worse but the kids are aware he's lazy with everything other than work. He doesn't realise but they can see it a mile off and most the time don't even bother asking him to help them with anything anymore, but that also means they rarely spend time with him.